Child free group of friends. One friend has had a baby

[Shebaguinea]

I'm in a group of about 10 friends in our 40s. Always been child free. Lots of conversations about not wanting children. Several friends do not enjoy being around kids at all. Id prefer to not be around kids, but will phone it in and do my best to try to help out friend.

1 friend unexpectedly found herself pregnant after a short relationship and now has a small baby.

Things are now becoming difficult socially. Friend often requests help/babysitting/people to go to child friendly events and soft play etc. I do not babysit. Never changed a nappy, never wanted a child etc. but I've cleaned her house, helped with laundry, batch cooked for her etc.

She now wants more help and has suggested a babysitting rota so she gets a night off a fortnight. None of us want to do this. I've always helped with cooking and cleaning and have done lots of lifts for hospital and dr appointments...but I most definitely do not want to help with childcare. None of us do.

Are we awful people? Friend seems to want us to step in as family/other parent and help her. I'm happy to assist with other things but honestly I don't want to.

But I’d happily babysit for my friend who had found herself in this situation if it meant taking some pressure off for her and letting her have a social life one evening a fortnight!

She didn't exactly "find herself" in this situation though did she? She chose it.

Precisely.

Thankyou ☺️

She didn't exactly "find herself" in this situation though did she? She chose it

Let's just walk ourselves through this one
Friend gets pregnant from ONS
Father wants no involvement
Family is on a different continent
Her social group is childfree and some of them actively dislike being around children.
Baby is nearly a year old.
She has a very highly paid job so enough money to support the baby and hire help

So assuming she found she was pregnant at what, 2/3 months? she's had 18 months to get a live in nanny, join some mother/baby groups, investigate paid help and nurseries and the rest...but she doesn't. She wants to leech off her friends' good nature and free help for babysitting so she can get out and date again (OP has said somewhere that that's the case) and I reckon some of them have got her number and are not prepared to play. Somewhere along the line she's made deliberate choices to be where she is - and given that OP has said she has a very highly paid job, this isn't a woman who can't think things through and can't plan.

I'm also curious. Why does a 'childless by choice, wants nothing to do with children at all, even friends' children ' person join Mumsnet?

It's a great group with lots of non child content but surely there are other more suitable groups. I don't get how someone with a strong no child view come to look at Mumsnet, let alone click on' join'

Then you need to work on your imagination.

Who do you think should be on the childfree board on the Mumsnet forum then?

Ypu don't have to be a mother to discuss films, books, parking, gardening, pets, TV, beauty and fashion, feminist issues, house renovation, food/cooking, legal issues, relationship issues, travel and holidays, work, diet and exercise, current affairs.......

What are the other more suitable groups to discuss feminism, issues at work or with family, friends or neighbours, ask for advice about food, saving money, or building work, to discuss tv and fashion, to ask advice about buying a home and decorating it, or to impart wisdom or your professional opinion about children or childcare?

It's a great group with lots of non child content but surely there are other more suitable groups

Please point me in the direction of one. I'd like one that both includes the same wide variety of topics, is largely used by women, and has a useful feminism section on a par with the one on MN. Thanks.

Also don't you think it's weird that MN actually has a child free section if this isn't for women without children? Something to ponder maybe.

What's the point of your unhelpful response?

I stated that I don't understand. It's a genuine question. Why do people feel the need to be so negative. If you don't know the answer to my question, maybe move along rather than make snipy comments.

*What's the point of your unhelpful response?

I stated that I don't understand. It's a genuine question. Why do people feel the need to be so negative. If you don't know the answer to my question, maybe move along rather than make snipy comments.*

Because people are fed up of the same question. It's been at least five times on this thread alone. It's dull.

That's a different discussion.

My question is about how I'd end up at mumsnet if I was searching for a social group and I was childless by choice and didn't like child related things or being around them.

I didn't realise this was such a taboo curiosity!

There is a thread about this very topic on the childfree forum if you wanted to read it.

If you google most things you’ll get a mumsnet thread. People on tattle, Reddit, twitter, instagram, Facebook and tik tok talk about mumsnet. Newspapers, magazines and tv shows discuss the posts here and people in real life talk about things they’ve read here and send you links to threads. It’s very easy to find even if you’re not necessarily searching for a ‘social group’.

Where did I say this? I have not in any way said you need to be a parent or someone interested in children to discuss these things.

It's the only large women-focussed discussion group of it's type in the UK. There isn't anything similar.

I find posts like this unnecessarily rude and hugely lacking in imagination.

Posts on children are only one part of MN, and often the least interesting.

I certainly wouldn't spend a fraction of the time I do on here if it was solely about children🙄.

Parking threads, CF's, relationships, relatives, neighbours, cooking tips, product recommendations, make up tips and health tips, all form a part of what makes the site entertaining.

Progeny and how they can be a major PITA😁 is really the least of it on MN, IMO.

I was unable to find a reply to the actual question though.

Thanks again for your enlightening contribution

I was unable to find a reply to the actual question though.

I did answer your question, there's isn't a similar large women-focussed discussion group in the UK despite your patronising suggestion.

People end up on MN after googling for answers on a problem with a washing machine, for example. It could be anything, really. MN links appear.

I certainly was not looking for a social group.

So why do you think someone childfree would not want to join Mumsnet given the wide variety of non-parenting related topics that are discussed here? As pp pointed out you can put anything into Google and a mumsnet thread will appear.

IDK. Should I?

Thank you! I'll have a look.

Thank you

I haven’t rtft but no you don’t need to babysit if you’re not keen