Page 32 | Child free group of friends. One friend has had a baby

standardduck · 27/06/2023 18:01

whittingtonmum · 27/06/2023 17:54

If there are 9 people and one of them babysits one evening every other week I would not mind being part of the rota because it would mean babysitting 2/3 times a year. I'd do that for a single mum friend in a heartbeat. If not all of the nine friends are willing then I would still offer to do it 2 times a year.

But they don't want to. I think it's ridiculous to expect your friends to babysit your kids when you can afford a babysitter. OP mentioned in one of her replies that her friend could hire one, but she still expects her friends who don't want to do this to help her instead.

She sounds really entitled.

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:02

The story didn’t change. You failed to keep up.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:03

She initially specifically stated they’re willing to go to affordable places once a month. Why mention affordable if cost was not an issue?

OP isn't on oath here.

KimberleyClark · 27/06/2023 18:05

whittingtonmum · 27/06/2023 17:54

If there are 9 people and one of them babysits one evening every other week I would not mind being part of the rota because it would mean babysitting 2/3 times a year. I'd do that for a single mum friend in a heartbeat. If not all of the nine friends are willing then I would still offer to do it 2 times a year.

What if OP's friend meets someone and wants to see them more than once a fortnight?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:05

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:02

The story didn’t change. You failed to keep up.

I think that particular poster is determined to tear OP's story apart, for some reason.

Divorcednursemummy · 27/06/2023 18:07

Well that’s hypocritical. “What a bad mummy asking for help when she has nobody else, I never did… apart from having my husband to share the work, my sister and my mum both caring for my children weekly… but I did it myself and this mum is a terrible mummy for wanting 2 evenings a month when she has none of the support I did”
At 11 months old this baby is still waking up every 2 hours, just imagine that with absolutely no help at all!!!

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:09

@Divorcednursemummy you say the story has changed. It hasn’t. Child friendly places especially restaurants etc do tend to be less expensive than not child friendly restaurants.

Most non-child friendly restaurants will be fine dining etc. You’re focusing in on a completely BS point to try and justify your “the story keeps changing!” Position.

OP has made it clear that they’ve told friend they’re willing to do some outings as child friendly but not all. How is that unreasonable? Her friend has displayed displeasure at this suggestion as she wants ALL outings to be child friendly and is unhappy if they go without her. How is that reasonable?

OP has stated that they’ve planned to go on holiday to Portugal to a vineyard so not child friendly. Her friend isn’t happy as it excludes her. How is her friend reasonable to expect grown adult women to not go on a holiday that they want because of a choice she made?

You have yet to answer this.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:10

At 11 months old this baby is still waking up every 2 hours, just imagine that with absolutely no help at all!!!

Especially when it appears that financially she can afford help but would prefer it to be free.

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:10

Divorcednursemummy · 27/06/2023 18:07

Well that’s hypocritical. “What a bad mummy asking for help when she has nobody else, I never did… apart from having my husband to share the work, my sister and my mum both caring for my children weekly… but I did it myself and this mum is a terrible mummy for wanting 2 evenings a month when she has none of the support I did”
At 11 months old this baby is still waking up every 2 hours, just imagine that with absolutely no help at all!!!

can she not go and speak with her health visitor? Her doctor? You know a professional with experience with children and not people who don’t want children and have no experience with them? Why would they be equipped to deal with that?

mapofeasterireland · 27/06/2023 18:11

She’s sounds like a lonely first time mum who didn’t plan to have a baby and only has childless friends 😔

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:12

mapofeasterireland · 27/06/2023 18:11

She’s sounds like a lonely first time mum who didn’t plan to have a baby and only has childless friends 😔

Sounds like she needs to go out and make some parent friends

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:12

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:10

At 11 months old this baby is still waking up every 2 hours, just imagine that with absolutely no help at all!!!

Especially when it appears that financially she can afford help but would prefer it to be free.

Exactly. The point a lot of people keep deliberately missing.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:12

mapofeasterireland · 27/06/2023 18:11

She’s sounds like a lonely first time mum who didn’t plan to have a baby and only has childless friends 😔

She had nine months to get some support in place, surely?

Divorcednursemummy · 27/06/2023 18:15

Because it feels like bullying. They’ve made new WhatsApp groups, she’s posting online but hasn’t actually asked her long time friend why this is necessary or discussed the circumstances with her. How is she coping financially/physically/mentally? Is there a reason she is unable to clean, cook or even drive for herself? It sounds like depression to me. She says her friend is a nice person but agrees with every nasty comment about her.

Maybe I’m overly empathetic but I’m just picturing this poor mum, no local family, no support and feeling like she is losing her friends, all whilst being completely exhausted. I just can’t see how other mums can’t empathise with this, wether they’ve been through it or not.

Sceptre86 · 27/06/2023 18:16

Your friend is a CF and a bit of an idiot. How could she get to 40, have a baby and not expect her life to change? I've had 3 kids and never expected friends to clean my house or cook my meals, you get on with it. She should have considered her options of going ahead as a single parent with no family support.

You've done enough. At some point you lot as a group or individually are going to have to be honest and say that she's expecting more support than any of you are willing to give. It's her baby so she needs to do the hardwork.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:21

She should have considered her options of going ahead as a single parent with no family support

I suspect the plan was that the friends would be happy to step up. Unfortunately the friends didn't have the same script.

onetimeonlyipromise · 27/06/2023 18:22

Having a child is difficult. Having a child as a single parent is more so. Having a child as a single parent with no family support is really difficult.

You are not being unreasonable to say that you don’t want to do any childcare; your life and you help if and when you can and want to.

However, playing devil’s advocate here;

she is asking for someone to babysit once per fortnight. There are 10 of you in the group. If you all did once a fortnight, you’d be looking at babysitting once every 4-5 months;
this is a person who you say you love. Sometimes we do things we aren’t thrilled about for the people we love. Particularly if those people might be struggling and we might be able to help.

She should hopefully find some other mum friends, but they will come with their own commitments. I don’t necessarily think she is being unreasonable to ask if you could all babysit at some point. Expecting it is unreasonable. But maybe accept that her options are limited, and that she is turning to people she loves/trusts and asking for help.

KimberleyClark · 27/06/2023 18:23

How is she coping financially/physically/mentally? Is there a reason she is unable to clean, cook or even drive for herself? It sounds like depression to me. She says her friend is a nice person but agrees with every nasty comment about her.

OP has repeatedly said that the friend is a high earner, that money is no object to her and that she could afford paid help. She just doesn't want to pay for it.

CleverLilViper · 27/06/2023 18:23

Divorcednursemummy · 27/06/2023 18:15

Because it feels like bullying. They’ve made new WhatsApp groups, she’s posting online but hasn’t actually asked her long time friend why this is necessary or discussed the circumstances with her. How is she coping financially/physically/mentally? Is there a reason she is unable to clean, cook or even drive for herself? It sounds like depression to me. She says her friend is a nice person but agrees with every nasty comment about her.

Maybe I’m overly empathetic but I’m just picturing this poor mum, no local family, no support and feeling like she is losing her friends, all whilst being completely exhausted. I just can’t see how other mums can’t empathise with this, wether they’ve been through it or not.

It sounds like you’re writing fan fiction to me.

Yeah she’s so depressed that she wants to go out on the razz and date men. So depressed. There’s no evidence of this in the OPs posts. You’re making that up to suit your position.

Its not bullying. From what the OP ACTUALLY said, her friend thinks they’re selfish for refusing her “requests” and she has a history of trying to sway things her way even before the baby. From what has been said, she thinks they all need to step up because she’s somehow got it in her head that they owe her.

If you’re so empathetic, what do you think she should give in return for all the help she’ll be taking if she gets her way? Or do you think it should be a one way street like so many “it takes a village!” people do?

People are distancing themselves from her because she’s behaving like an entitled CF. That’s why, not because they lack empathy or want to bully her. Likely started the other groups to avoid confrontation.

YOU think it’s not a big ask to babysit. for people who chose not to have kids, like me, it’s a big ask. Especially on top of all else she’s demanding too.

Sceptre86 · 27/06/2023 18:25

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain I agree that is probably what she was thinking but surely as a grown women instead of being so presumptuous she would or should have engaged her brain and actually asked if they were willing to do so.

I appreciate it must be difficult but she can use babysitters if she wants to go out. Most people whether it be due to finances, time constraints, tiredness or other factors do find their life changes after a baby. This woman just doesn't want to accept it and by acting this way is alienating her friends.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:26

@onetimeonlyipromise From the OP's opening post

I'm in a group of about 10 friends in our 40s. Always been child free. Lots of conversations about not wanting children. Several friends do not enjoy being around kids at all

People who do not have children are not going to be enthusiastic babysitters, even if they want to do it; which it appears they don't.

Shetextsme · 27/06/2023 18:27

onetimeonlyipromise · 27/06/2023 18:22

Having a child is difficult. Having a child as a single parent is more so. Having a child as a single parent with no family support is really difficult.

You are not being unreasonable to say that you don’t want to do any childcare; your life and you help if and when you can and want to.

However, playing devil’s advocate here;

she is asking for someone to babysit once per fortnight. There are 10 of you in the group. If you all did once a fortnight, you’d be looking at babysitting once every 4-5 months;
this is a person who you say you love. Sometimes we do things we aren’t thrilled about for the people we love. Particularly if those people might be struggling and we might be able to help.

She should hopefully find some other mum friends, but they will come with their own commitments. I don’t necessarily think she is being unreasonable to ask if you could all babysit at some point. Expecting it is unreasonable. But maybe accept that her options are limited, and that she is turning to people she loves/trusts and asking for help.

She’s asking for more than help though, she’s being entitled and demanding ridiculous things from her friends who have already done a lot to help her.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:29

I agree that is probably what she was thinking but surely as a grown women instead of being so presumptuous she would or should have engaged her brain and actually asked if they were willing to do so

Well, you'd think so, and you might do that, and I'd think so and I'd ask, but people can convince themselves of all sorts of things when they really want them to happen. CF probably talked herself into believing friends would be delighted to adjust their social lives to welcome a baby despite a lot of evidence to the contrary.

KimberleyClark · 27/06/2023 18:29

she is asking for someone to babysit once per fortnight. There are 10 of you in the group. If you all did once a fortnight, you’d be looking at babysitting once every 4-5 months;

I can't see how a rota would practically work. There are bound to be occasions when the person on babysitting duty can't make it because they are ill or have to travel for work unexpectedly or whatever. And some people will end up doing it more often than others.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 27/06/2023 18:32

KimberleyClark · 27/06/2023 18:29

she is asking for someone to babysit once per fortnight. There are 10 of you in the group. If you all did once a fortnight, you’d be looking at babysitting once every 4-5 months;

I can't see how a rota would practically work. There are bound to be occasions when the person on babysitting duty can't make it because they are ill or have to travel for work unexpectedly or whatever. And some people will end up doing it more often than others.

And frankly, who wants to be tied to a rota? what happens if someone gets a chance of a hot date on her babysitting night? or that night is the only night someone can get tickets for something? or they just want to watch TV in their pjs after a long day at work? and that's assuming they actually are happy to babysit. Which they aren't.

Child free group of friends. One friend has had a baby

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