I almost got taken out by a canoe. What strange near misses have you had?

[CanoeAndOut]

I'm taking liberties with the term almost here but I'm curious to know what strange fates you've almost met?

This morning I almost got taken out by a canoe. I was walking past a row of houses next to the canal when I came to one with its door open but there was no one in sight, I went to walk on and next thing a whole bloody canoe came flying out, hitting me and knocking me onto the road where a car had to emergency brake to avoid me. I'm bruised and sore but ok.

So, what strange near misses have you had?

My younger brother did that on our combined swing/climbing frame on my watch. He was about 4, I was about 8.

We decided never to tell anyone in case we were banned from using it on our own

a recent one- my obviously had an MOT and had had many visits to the garage at the end of its life and been declared "safe" one Sunday I parked up to run put handbrake on and would've scampered off as I'd seen one of my club, but I took a bit longer and gradually felt the car sliding backwards on the hilly parking space, there were cars behind me maybe with occupants so put the brakes on which is how you started the car then carefully drove to the garage again. I probably would've been taken out by the door while getting out when the car slid backwards

Aged about 2 or 3, I got up to go for a wee. The loo was at the top of the stairs. Victorian house, high ceilings, encaustic tiles on the hall floor. There was no stairgate. The next thing I knew was sitting up on the hall floor thinking a bit stunned that my head hurt. Rather a lot.

Boris Johnson appeared out of nowhere on his bike when I was crossing the road in London and had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting me. Does that count??

I was on the back of a motorbike in South Africa, the driver joined the motorway and accelerated really quickly. I stupidly didn't have the visor down on my helmet and a gust of wind got inside my helmet and dragged me backwards. I just about managed to grab the drivers waist in time. It was such a close call! I'm pretty certain I would've been a gonner!

I got dragged by a horse once - lost quite a bit of skin from shoulders, knees, elbows and the front of my stomach. Not much fun. I lived and worked at a riding school and I never dared tell my parents, or they'd have made me leave my job and come home. The school owner's relative was a doctor and he got me some serious painkillers.

Oh another one - I drove off a (small) cliff on a moped in Thailand. Had I done it a few metres on where the cliff suddenly got rather large I suspect I would have a bit more damage than a few cuts and bruises.

I've had a few. As a very young toddler, I ran straight through a plate glass door. Not a scratch on me.

Walking to school in the hurricane in the 80s. Walked past the local garage, felt a 'whoosh' behind me and an almighty crash. The big metal sign had blown down and missed me by about four inches. I imagined that it would have cut me in half vertically, cartoon-style.

Queueing for a fairground ride with my friend when I was a student. It was the first day the fairground had opened for the summer and the first run of that ride. My friend decided she needed a wee and I went with her. We came out of the toilets to a crowd of people running towards us screaming - part of the ride had collapsed and a young boy had been killed and several other people injured.

Was poo picking my horse’s field one hot summer’s day (in the middle of nowhere and no one around), when I heard a loud whistling noise behind me and then a loud thud. A lump of blue ice the size of a football had landed within a foot of me!

I was recounting this to work colleagues when one of them pointed out that if it had hit me, I would most likely have been killed and the evidence would have melted (although I’m sure a dead girl in the middle of a field with urine soaked hair might have made people )

In the hurricane of 1987, when I was at university, I almost got cut in half by a flying corrugated iron shed roof as I was walking home from fencing training with my bicycle beside me. I heard the noise and jumped to one side just in time.

Yours gave me goosebumps!

I crossed a road between two permanent bollards. The second I stepped on the pavement a car crashed into them. I called an ambulance; I would have been killed.

Fell sideways (aged 5) off the high end of a seesaw in the days before safety mats in playgrounds. Landed on concrete and a stone, fractured my skull. Skull had to be fixed with surgery and the surgeon said if the stone had gone any further in I'd have been severely brain damaged if not dead.

Also (aged about 7) went to a friend's birthday party at the swimming pool. Couldn't swim... went down the slide which threw me a bit too far out so I couldn't touch the bottom. Some poor man had to rescue me whilst the lifeguard barely even registered I was in trouble - drowning is silent!!

My poor parents 😅

Oh and my car also slid from a side road onto a main road in ice - one of the busiest roads around as it led to the motorway. Thankfully it was 6am and there was only one car on it at that time. I was very lucky, it would have been carnage

Driving on the motorway in my tiny classic Mini, when pit props on the lorry in front started to come loose and come off the back, straight towards me. I was terrified, pretty much saw my life flash in front of me, but I was far enough back that I was able to swerve into the hard shoulder and eventually stop. I am surprised I ever got in a car again, but I’ve probably driven 100,000 miles in the intervening 30 years.

There but for the grace of God go i...as they used to say.

Lots of near misses but nothing particularly unusual.

Falling downstairs as a child, near misses with traffic, and domestic violence.

Car ploughed off the road into the footpath I was walking on with my 2 year old DD. I had swooped her out of the way, car clipped me. Was immediately surrounded by people yelling at the driver (she didn't even apologise, said something about another car being too close to her so she had to go onto the path), phoning the police and trying to get me to go to hospital. I was in shock and in the middle of all the chaos just carried on walking home with DD.

Thanks all. These are genuinely terrifying and some are almost impressive especially the near miss with a water buffalo. The scalped by a bus one almost made me puke.

Sympathies to all of you.

I was doing playground duty one morning, chatting to another teacher. I suddenly raised my arm for some unknown reason and deflected a football coming at my head that would otherwise have been a concussion at least.

We were in the car, waiting at a roundabout, as a lorry was going round and one of its wheels came loose. The nuts pinged off. The massive wheel bounced towards us in slow motion, flew over our bonnet and carried on into a field.

I taught in school for pupils with EBD. I was going down the corridor, rounded a corner and a chair flew at me with force. I caught it by its leg and quietly placed it down like something from a superhero movie. The pupil who'd thrown it was shocked at what might have been the outcome and immediately abandoned his outburst.

Oh wow that's super close 😱 thank goodness you made the choice to get off the dual carriageway when you did

When I was learning to drive, I went driving on a country road with my boyfriend at the time, who was also my instructor. I was driving at 80 km/h ans tere was a turn coming up with a sign of 35 (recommended driving speed km/h). I ignored it and kept the speed until the car basically made a sudden big U turn and I ended up on the other side of the road. Luckily this was in NZ, there was no cars coming from the other side, otherwise Id have killed both of us.

Got run over by a woman on a mobility scooter outside next once.. that would have been a terrible ending 😂

Driving on country lane in a thunderstorm. Rain became so hard I had to pull over as literally couldn’t see anything. When it eased off and I could see out again a tree had come down across the road with the top most branches on my bonnet. If I’d stopped 10m further along i’d have been squashed!

@honeyfox My husband swears he was saved from being hit by a car when crossing the road because someone pushed him hard in the stomach to keep him safe.
The thing is, I was the only one with him at the time and it definitely wasn't me!

Another one
I used to use a single parent charity (I'm going back about 14 years)
The main boss helped herself to so much of the charities money it had to shut down in the end
Due to her helping herself,maintenance of the victorian building just didn't happen
One warm afternoon,we went to sit outside-i had toddler dd in the highchair,scoffing her lunch
I was a bit worried that the sun was too hot,so stood up to move her into the shade
Just as I did,a huge roof tile fell-hitting the seat id been in 3 seconds earlier
It came down with such force,I could have been killed
As it was we where all just a bit shocked
They closed the building 2 weeks later and the charity folded within 18 months
I don't live in that city anymore but used to walk past it-it always made me shudder