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Original poster

I almost got taken out by a canoe. What strange near misses have you had?

89 replies

CanoeAndOut · 23/06/2023 15:45

I'm taking liberties with the term almost here but I'm curious to know what strange fates you've almost met?

This morning I almost got taken out by a canoe. I was walking past a row of houses next to the canal when I came to one with its door open but there was no one in sight, I went to walk on and next thing a whole bloody canoe came flying out, hitting me and knocking me onto the road where a car had to emergency brake to avoid me. I'm bruised and sore but ok.

So, what strange near misses have you had?

OP posts:

dartsofcupid · 23/06/2023 15:52

Final destination vibes! I hate pointy things but it didn’t occur to me to be afraid of canoes (until now). Riding a quad bike up a steep embankment, for a split second it began to topple backwards; I hit the accelerator hard and went flying onto the level, gave meself a bit of whiplash but crucially held on and didn’t get crushed to death🥳

bonfirebash · 23/06/2023 15:55

Fell down some stairs
They basically went stairs, then platform, stairs so like _\ then at the bottom there was a glass pane floor to ceiling
I fell top to bottom, and landed at the bottom of them, inches from the glass. Did break my ankle, foot and snap all the ligaments but I didn't go through the glass!

Iheartmysmart · 23/06/2023 15:55

I got taken out by a low tree branch and a demented highland pony. Bloody pony spooked at a pheasant and galloped away at full pelt straight under a tree where I was knocked unconscious by said branch.

Campervangirl · 23/06/2023 15:56

I got run over by a mobility scooter in Boots by an old lady, there's a slope down in the shop and she flew down the slope straight into me, apparently I'm an idiot and should look where I'm going, I said you were going too fast and you hit me, she told me to F off 🙄 charming 😂

InternationallyMobile · 23/06/2023 15:57

I was knocked down by a deer once, she leapt over a hedge straight into me!

Iheartmysmart · 23/06/2023 15:58

Oops sent too soon. Was rather fortunate though because there was a huge drop the other side of the tree which went into barbed wire and then the river. Stupid pony ran off back to the stables as well.

forgotmyusername1 · 23/06/2023 16:02

I was in the queue of traffic to go past shoreham airport on the day of the air show
I was late for an appointment so took the last turning off to go a different route

10 mins later a plane failed a stunt and landed on the queue of traffic I was sitting in killing 12 people

I saw the fireball go off in my wing mirror as I was going along the adjacent road

I don't know if I would have been under it but I would have been pretty close to it.

SirenSays · 23/06/2023 16:04

A cricket the size of a small cat jumped at me while I was driving so I pulled over in a panic to get it out it. Seconds after I'd pulled over a wild horse came running across the road. There's no way I wouldn't have hit it if I was still driving.

bluegingerblue · 23/06/2023 16:06

Aged 9ish, I was up a big hill with my family and started to run on shale only to not be able to stop and I was approaching an edge with a steep drop. I shouted out that I couldn't stop and my uncle and cousin both rugby tackled me to the ground a yard or so from the edge. I'd have died or got very serious injuries. Uncle and cousin saved my life but they both hurt their ankles.

purpleme12 · 23/06/2023 16:09

Walking along on a proper country lane/footpath surrounded by trees and everything.
With my child.
Motorbike zooms along out of nowhere I was actually so scared and shook up I grabbed my child moved out right to the side (not many places to go, just on the edge of the path, next to bushes etc) and left the pushchair in the way as there wasn't time.
He did stop in the end (2 of them) but I really panicked, not least because of course I wasn't expecting it. No motorbikes should be there at all.
Really dangerous

Dontlistitonfacebook · 23/06/2023 16:10

I was floored by a toddler running with a mini shopping trolley in Lidl. Hit the side of my knee with it, leg collapsed and I ended up on the floor.

Painful and embarrassing and the mother of the child didn't apologise or even ask if I was ok!

PuttingDownRoots · 23/06/2023 16:12

Going back to my school days... coach on a school trip was in a minor accident. It was decided it could continue to our destination as it was nearby... to almost being in a second crash when it applied the emergency brakes due to ducklings in the road.

Youknowaboutthepaint · 23/06/2023 16:12

It's not extreme or funny, but I tripped over a tree root when out running the other day. A bit stiff and bruised the next day but basically got away with it. A friend is currently on her third operation following a very similar fall. I've spent too much time worried about what might have been but also feeling very lucky.

ElleBelleLou · 23/06/2023 16:15

Got sepsis from a tiny blister from new shoes! Ended up very, very poorly in hospital with my organs going into failure, all from wearing a pair of wedges for 3 hours 😅

eurochick · 23/06/2023 16:16

What did the canoe owner/thrower say OP?

BitOutOfPractice · 23/06/2023 16:16

I large long piece of sharp metal flew off a building in high winds and hit me in the face with the point first, about an inch from my eye. I thought I had been shot!

FiloPasty · 23/06/2023 16:16

What did the canoe person say? That’s appalling!

Mysterian · 23/06/2023 16:16

Working in a nursery a big group of children pulled me over from kneeling to sit on me. All in fun, but then one child knelt right on my windpipe and I was unable to breathe and all my strength to push them off just disappeared. I was just laying there thinking how I just had 3 minutes left to live.

SPOILER:
They got off my throat and I did survive.

SuziLikeSuziQ · 23/06/2023 16:17

Not me but my grandparents. Apparently they nearly fell off a cliff while on their honeymoon and just stopped in time. If they hadn't, none of us 120+ children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren would exist.

LilacLemur · 23/06/2023 16:20

Waiting outside a shop once with my baby daughter in her pram. Turned the pram to show her something in the shop window. Just then an old lady who must have been about 150 revved her car and sped along the pavement. If I hadn't had moved she would have crushed the pram against railings.

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 23/06/2023 16:21

A water buffalo fell off a mountain path in Nepal and nearly hit me. It plummeted/slid down a steep slope for about 5 metres and landed a metre in front of me. It survived the fall too.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/06/2023 16:24

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 23/06/2023 16:21

A water buffalo fell off a mountain path in Nepal and nearly hit me. It plummeted/slid down a steep slope for about 5 metres and landed a metre in front of me. It survived the fall too.

Before or after the attack on the Residency?

InAndOutOfTheRedBalloon · 23/06/2023 16:27

I was walking down a high street, when suddenly a wooden coathanger came whizzing out of a shop doorway straight past me, about half an inch from my nose!

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/06/2023 16:29

Got my big toe caught in bottom of pyjamas going downstairs, top to bottom face firs. Broken nose.

I now only wear sorts or cuffed bottoms!

TeddyBeans · 23/06/2023 16:34