Anyone up? Would I be stupid to ring the police?

[LadyBird1973]

Non emergency number obviously .

My husband has gone out on a work do, had more to drink than he realises, thinks he's sober and isn't, so can't have a proper conversation where he listens to what I'm saying he should do. He's stuck mikes from his hotel, no transport and was sitting at a bus stop waiting for a bus that won't come til tomorrow and can't see why this is a problem!

Is it totally irresponsible if I called the police and asked them to help him? Would they even do it, given men do stupid shit like this all the time?

I'm stressed though. And too far to go and get him.

I find this weird. If a grown up in your life who you’re close to screws up, why would you shrug and look the other way? The police is extreme imo, but I’d try to ensure they got back to the hotel. A drunk person becomes a vulnerable person, which is partly why some Police pick them up and either drive them home or to a cell. Grown ups don’t always get it right, plenty die from accidents while drunk that could be avoided if friends or family realise and get them to a place of safety. I’d see it as the same as a friend drinking too much on a night out - get them home or to their hotel. In this situation, the OP is too far to do it herself so working out an alternative solution.

Equally, you can tell someone you were concerned or frustrated with their behaviour as an adult without ‘telling them off’. What on earth is wrong with saying, ‘DH, I was really worried. Please don’t do that again! I’m a bit p*** off’? What is all this black and white thinking re. Adults having no social support from a spouse to deal with any slightly crap decision they make? Weird.

I never suggested the police, I was just so surprised to see how many people would just happily go to sleep knowing their husband was vulnerable and lost.

Intoxicated people make mistakes, one of those is often to continue drinking when they probably should have stopped. He could have tried to cross a road and misjudged a car, he doesn't have to be stumbling down an A road or dual carriage way for there to be an accident.

Who said he was unconscious? He was talking to the OP and moving around.

Apparently grown men don't matter.
If this was someone talking about their wife in this situation, the replies would be different.

He’s an adult. I wouldn’t have even tried to help my DH if he got into this situation. His mess

So? Have you ever needed help from anyone because you've made a mistake?

I actually like my DH and he likes me, so we tend to help each other out.

@Lcb123 I really struggle with that outlook. Do you even like him, let alone love him? If I was married to someone whose attitude was like that, I'd want a divorce!

Go and get him ?

Not read the thread, have you?

Don’t let people think your being crazy for feeling this way. It’s anxietyI suffer from hyper vigilance and I would worry like mad in this case like you. In fact my husband was away with work last night, he always texts when he’s back at the hotel because unfortunately I worry last night he didn’t because he was way too drunk. I was anxious all night until I got a text this morning. Other people who don’t have those anxieties can judge away but unless you struggle with you’ll never know what it’s like. It’s not about trust. It’s about being so aware that dangers happen that you worry about it.

I know my DH would make every attempt to rescue me if I was drunk and disorientated, as I would to him. There are often news reports about drunk people injuring themselves and worse when they are in unfamiliar environments. You were right to be concerned OP. If your DH was a regular drinker and frequently getting lost then it would be an entirely different scenario.

Goodness sake, he is a grown man not a teenager. Unclench

Just because someone is an adult doesn't mean we stop caring about their wellbeing!
If I'd got so pissed I was incoherent and out by myself, I would hope my oh would try to help.
I hope I'd try to help a random stranger in that position, nevermind someone I actually loved.

I’m really glad you didn’t call the police!!!

The "you'd all be saying different things if he was a woman" crowd confuse me. Err yeah it's different for a woman, women are a lot more vulnerable than men.

If it were my DH I'd have tried to get him a taxi. I think you'd have had a hard time getting a taxi to go to someone at 3am who wasn't calling for the taxi themselves though as the driver would, rightly, assume that the intended passenger was steaming drunk! Otherwise telling him to stay sitting at the bus stop is not a bad shout in this weather.

I once went on a wild goose chase all around Bristol at 4am to pick up my drunk housemate...but that was before I had any children or responsibilities!

Men are more likely to be the victims of violent assaults, whereas women are more likely to be the victims of sexual assaults. Both are awful and I don’t think most people would want their partner to be at risk of either in a vulnerable state.

Your husband is your partner not your child let him face the consequences of his actions

I think that depends on what the consequences are @eloisemc92
If it's just a hangover, then yes. But if it's potential harm, no I'm not going to sit back and not try to help him.

Obviously she couldn’t have prevented him from walking down a road. That was the whole point of her post. She was far away and so worried about him that she was contemplating calling the police!
I was pretty obviously not querying that she should have done more, rather wondering about the mentality of the posters saying she shouldn’t have been worrying about her partner at all because
He was an adult. It was his decision.

So, to sum up: yes, he is an adult and yes, it was his decision, but adults make decisions all the time, especially when drunk, which are potentially to their detriment. My point was that it is natural for anyone to be worried about someone they love being in a bad situation, even if they are an adult and it was as a result of their own decision. HTH.

He wasn't on an A road though, he was at a bus stop. A drunk person walking down the dual carriageway, or a busy dark road is potential to involve the police.

You do know that there are bus stops on unlit A roads, don’t you?

My point was that it is natural for anyone to be worried about someone they love being in a bad situation, even if they are an adult and it was as a result of their own decision.

To emphasise my point, some people even worry about people they don’t actually know being caught up in a bad situation, even if they are an adult and it was as a result of their own decision. Who knew? It’s called empathy.

What bizarre responses to the op here! This has happened to me, dh very drunk on a work night out, wanted to walk miles in the dark, rainy night as he missed his train. I was furious, worried and wanted him to be safe - why wouldn't I? He's my husband and we look after each other. I didn't 'tell him off' the next day but made my feelings VERY clear that that situation wasn't to happen again. That's not mothering somebody, that's drawing a line and telling someone that kind of selfish behaviour is not on when you have a partner and children at home. I would expect him to react exactly the same if it had been me. To 'leave him to it' that night could have resulted in him being injured or worse. Its never happened again!!

All the best op

Thank you.

Just seen this thread has been put on Facebook. I wish MN would ask first. I realise MN is a public forum and they own the content, but I wish they'd asked and only put up threads where the OP agreed.

All fine here. I did let him know I was worried. He was apologetic about keeping me up and making me stressed. So no drama

The police are seriously stretched right now to respond to people in actual danger. You're talking about a rescue from a bus stop because DH ballsed up his transport options and you're worried about risks.

I'd feel stupid.