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Original poster

Would you stick to having one child if it meant more holidays?

125 replies

doorlily · 17/06/2023 17:16

Just that, really. Would you place value on holidays, experiences and having more funds to do fun things / drop your hours at work and achieve a better work life balance? Or do you think a sibling outweighs all of that kind of stuff. I know there’s no right or wrong answer just wondering what other people chose to value more?

OP posts:
MIBnightmare · 17/06/2023 19:07

No way...got that out of me on my ten year 'gap' year....

Have 3 plus my Ukrainian who is two years older than my first. So 2 boys and 2 girls. 'It's fab . love it.

Happyhappyeveryday · 17/06/2023 19:08

Yes. Didn’t want the extra expense, responsibility and stress of a second child, as I had to work full time when she was little. She’s happy, sociable and bright and we have a great relationship, so it seems to have worked out well so far.

Dacadactyl · 17/06/2023 19:08

No id never have not had a 2nd child for "experiences and holidays".

The sibling bond my 2 have is strong, even though there's 5 years between them. They'll always have each other if needs be.

I'm part time as it is and we go abroad every few years. The kids want for nothing activities wise. I'd have HATED to be an only child and that's why I had 2.

MissAmbrosia · 17/06/2023 19:09

Holidays no - as we spent years doing Eurocamp/gite type things that wouldn't have been much more expensive with more. It wasn't part of my decision making process - more my age and we moved abroad when dd was 2. Now she's started Uni I am glad we only have one! There are no loans here and dh wants to retire.

Emmamoo89 · 17/06/2023 19:10

CalistoNoSolo · 17/06/2023 17:40

I've got one. She has had a pretty amazing life so far because she doesn't have a sibling. She's travelled extensively, had some amazing experiences both in the UK and abroad and has chosen to go to university in a different country, which can be fully funded because there is just her. We could afford to send her to an excellent grammar school and she has everything she needs. She also has a very good work ethic as she sees just how hard her father and I work for all of the lovely things she has/does.

Siblings are entirely unnecessary for a child to have a lovely life, and can be a massive restraint on the time, money, emotional strength/stability that the parents can give. It always amazes me that people have children they can't afford.

I can't really afford my second child but wouldn't change it for the world. You just make it work no matter what. It helps I'm good with money.

ksjsb · 17/06/2023 19:13

I want to add that I don't find it odd at all, experiences are what makes life IMO, there is so much I want to do with mine before they leave (plus things I want to for me without putting my life on hold), so I completely understand the thought process behind weighing up lifestyle and number of children, whilst that decision came for me at 2-3, I understand 1-2 too.

Mary46 · 17/06/2023 19:21

I have two. Def expensive as they older. So alot of pluses in 1. My mam had 3 us we had lovely caravan holidays.

LittleMonks11 · 17/06/2023 19:29

Thanks @MrsTerryPratchett we're good but it rears it's head from time to time. We make sure she has her friends over lots. We were lucky to have one - many aren't so lucky.

Muddygreenfingers · 17/06/2023 19:32

We only have one because my husband and I can't be bothered with the slog of having another. I can't be bothered with pregnancy and labour again.
We have alot of wider interests/hobbies and having another will restrict that. We can also enjoy the fruits of our labour and buy nice things, spend on our hobbies and go on nice holidays.

My daughter seems happy enough. She doesn't need a sibling. She's got plenty of friends and has plenty of play dates. We keep her busy with plenty of classes/activities.

My best childhood memories were from spending time with my friends. My brothers were horrible to me.

Hollyppp · 17/06/2023 19:36

Definitely not. We have one child and went to Mexico this year. Having another baby and no more long haul flights for us. I don’t care, DH does a little but wants another DC more.

we both also think we might want a third

Clingfilm · 17/06/2023 19:43

Nope but it's absolutely one of the reasons we stopped at 2, anymore and our lifestyle would be very different so get where you're coming from.

I like that mine have each other to experience family life and keep each other occupied, that would come before material things.

Also want to say I get on great with my siblings and we all help our ailing parents as these threads always seem to have a lot of people with arsehole siblings they don't talk to, so just throwing in for balance 😄

RedRiverSun · 17/06/2023 19:44

I wouldn't have denied my son his sibling for holidays. They play together so much and bring each other so much. I didn't go for 3 in order to maintain our lifestyle. 3 sets of fees would have meant very limited holidays. Although I'd have loved a third baby.

Goldbar · 17/06/2023 19:45

No. Although it's true that many siblings don't grow up to be close or, worst case scenario, actively dislike each other, in many other cases sibling relationships are a source of great comfort and support. And there is no one else who has shared the same childhood experiences. That said, I wouldn't have had a second child if we couldn't have provided both children with a decent life - but that's not necessarily wildly expensive holidays, but rather a stable home, access to a range of activities, days out and different experiences and parental time and involvement.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2023 19:48

Posters refer to holidays as 'material things'. I find this interesting. Yes, an iPad. But a holiday is an experience, a memory. It is more than a material thing ever could be.

Ragwort · 17/06/2023 19:51

I am very happy with one DC, I never wanted another, having holidays was absolutely not a factor in our decision. I find being a parent challenging and just don't think I have the emotional energy to give to another DC ... he is a young adult now and I asked him the other day if he would have wanted siblings and he said 'no', he loves his calm, quiet homelife, is incredibly sociable and has a wide circle of friends, hobbies etc and is probably well aware that financially he's going to be a lot better off in the future than his friends with siblings.

But quite honestly 'holidays' was never a consideration.....

RedRiverSun · 17/06/2023 19:59

I'm an only and as adult I've hated it and wished I had a sibling. It's such a small family to have. I didn't really mind as much as a kid but now I definitely wish I'd had a sibling.

febrezeme · 17/06/2023 20:02

No

I consider that really selfish

What's the point of taking your child on all those holidays when they've no one to reminisce and remember them with

ksjsb · 17/06/2023 20:04

What's the point of taking your child on all those holidays when they've no one to reminisce and remember them with

Can't say I have ever sat down and "reminisced" with my sibling about our holidays growing up. Remember the holidays fondly though, and talk to my parents about them.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/06/2023 20:10

ksjsb · 17/06/2023 20:04

What's the point of taking your child on all those holidays when they've no one to reminisce and remember them with

Can't say I have ever sat down and "reminisced" with my sibling about our holidays growing up. Remember the holidays fondly though, and talk to my parents about them.

Exactly. I talk to my DD about holidays. We look at pictures and often her DGPs were there as well to reminisce. No sibling required.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 17/06/2023 20:11

What's the point of taking your child on all those holidays when they've no one to reminisce and remember them with

When I was 14, my mum saved to take me to Cuba. I think at that point it was mostly for her but it was an amazing trip. It was just me and her and that’s fine. When I met my husband I told him what a beautiful country Cuba was and that he’d love it. We went on our honeymoon and it was just as beautiful.

I also got to go on some amazing trips with my university degree (I did geography). I’m not in touch with anyone from my course now but it doesn’t stop me reminiscing about the places I’ve been and if someone mentions a place I’ve been on those trips, I’ll recount my experience and tell them how amazing it was.

Again, this also assumes you talk to your siblings as an adult. DH and his brother barely talk. They certainly don’t reminisce about the places their parents took them.

Mutabiliss · 17/06/2023 20:15

No, I only had one because I only wanted one. Two or more looks hideous (I'm an only child), although I do understand why people think siblings are valuable if they like their own.

Being able to afford more holidays is just a bonus.

jartune · 17/06/2023 20:15

Holidays are important to me and it's important to have at least one a year as a family, even if it wasn't expensive. So I'd stick with one if it meant no holidays at all. But if having 2 just meant we couldn't go on several holidays a year, but still have one, that would be OK I think.

We have 2 and having another has really completed our family it is lovely to watch the dc interact. But we'd still have a lovely family even if we just had DC1 and DC2 hadn't come along, it would just be different. And we can still afford nice holidays and days out and having DC2 hasn't meant any sacrifices (except time and attention).

Rainbowshit · 17/06/2023 20:16

No

IWasFunBeforeMum · 17/06/2023 20:17

No. We have a second child and have always had hols despite not being massive earners. We just prioritise saving for hols over other stuff throughout the year.

Flocider · 17/06/2023 20:19

Finances were certainly a part of our choice to just have one child, no regrets here. We are financially comfortable enough but having just one means even if one of us loses our job or we split DS would have what he needs. We both grew up in poverty and often went without adequate food, clothing etc so I think perhaps we placed more weighting on it than others as we know how miserable it is. Its not about being able to afford lots of stuff, but not having to worry about money which we know is a luxury and being able to say yes to stuff we couldn't do as children.

I also don't get along with my siblings and resent having them so that was also a factor I guess. DS has plenty of friends and plenty of family and people who love him so not worried about that. He has cousins and other close family of a similar age.