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Original poster

Nothing to leave my child when i die

86 replies

Rosieblue12 · 16/06/2023 19:20

Ive been a single mum to my son since he was 3 years old, we are survivors of domestic violence , and since then its just been me and my boy, he is now 19.
we have always lived in social housing and im grateful for the roof over our heads. We only got this house because we got put on the witness protection program for our safety years ago and got housed with their help, Ive never been in a position to get a mortgage, and save money, whenever ive tried to save something has always come up and ive needed to use the money, The house we are in is a housing association house and there is no 'right to by' option.
I worry so much because i have nothing to leave my son when i die,
If i were to die tomorrow he would be homeless, i can't sleep at night worrying about it. and in this country the cost of living is so high.
is anyone else in a similar situation ?

OP posts:
WateryDoom · 16/06/2023 19:34

In the kindest possible way, you need to let this go.

He's an adult now, and if you died tomorrow presumably he could continue living in the house you are in. It sounds like you've had a tough life, but you have brought him up and the pair of you have survived.

Does he work? If it comforts you I don't suppose my parents will leave me anything when they die - they've got little. I don't expect it. I'm an adult and I can stand on my own two feet.

Ted27 · 16/06/2023 19:34

I think its very common for single parents to worry about this stuff. I don’t have savings or investments to leave to my nearly 19 year old, though I do have the advantage of a house to leave.

What I do know is that I have raised a strong, resilient young man who will make his way in the world, with or without me me. As I’m sure you have.

Now he is an adult would it be possible to have a shared tenancy?

strawberrywhisk · 16/06/2023 19:35

Can you take out life insurance on yourself

Webbing · 16/06/2023 19:37

Does your HA allow succession tights? If so Could your son begin to contributing to the rent and secure his future tenancy rights. How old are you now? If you are both working maybe now is the time that you can start making provision for your old age? I’m still broke and mine are just finishing college so hoping to keep working to 67 so that I can accumulate some savings over the next 10 years. You gave your son a new start in life and freed him from a childhood of continuing trauma. You should be very proud.

Isthisexpected · 16/06/2023 19:39

You have so much to leave him. You were his first and most important teacher!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2023 19:41

I think as an adult he can become a joint tenant. Worth checking.

Also, he is only 19. He has time to make sure he gets himself into a situation where he can afford to pay rent and bills, and what not.

Unless you are already in your mid 60s, he is going to be a middle aged man by the time you would typically pass away anyways.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/06/2023 19:44

The house we are in is a housing association house and there is no 'right to by' option

There is right to buy and right to acquire. HAs can offer one but not the other, and they are two different schemes. I hear word too that soon you may be able to purchase via RTA in percentages, so as and when the funds allow.

however if you have a secure/lifetime tenancy, it's not worth buying. As soon as you buy you then need to save for things like new roof, new kitchen etc whereas the HA takes care of all that now.

SeatonCarew · 16/06/2023 19:45

I second the suggestion of a modest life assurance policy, if you can afford it. If you are not too old it shouldn't cost too much, and could pay for your funeral costs and give him a buffer as a launch pad. Thinking about these things shows you are a good mother, but if it's not feasible right now don't stress about it.

Original poster
Rosieblue12 · 16/06/2023 19:46

Im 54 btw, yes my son works very hard but its not a skilled job.

I asked the housing association when my son turned 18 if i can put him as a joint Tennant, but they said not, they don't do that for family members which i think is crazy.

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 16/06/2023 19:49

This breaks my heart OP. Your son only wants you, so the love you left him and everything you’ve already accomplished is plenty. Having said that, I understand. He is an adult now though and people would absolutely reach out to him - that’s what the community does. Sending big love

viques · 16/06/2023 19:50

Your legacy to your child is far more than material goods. You have shown your child the value of determination, resilience, belief in yourself, hard work and love.

You can’t buy those qualities.

Speak to your housing association about possibly adding your son to the tenancy, but even if you can’t you have given him a start in life that will always sustain and support him. He has been a lucky man to have you as a parent.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 16/06/2023 19:51

There are a lot of people who won’t be left anything by their parents. Care home fees is eating up a lot of peoples inheritance. That isn’t what’s important. What’s important is you kept him safe, you have him a home and a safe environment. That’s priceless.

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/06/2023 19:52

In practical terms, I will try to get a life insurance policy, naming him as a beneficiary. In emotional terms, he has won the lottery though having you for a Mum.

strawberrywhisk · 16/06/2023 19:52

Rosieblue12 · 16/06/2023 19:46

Im 54 btw, yes my son works very hard but its not a skilled job.

I asked the housing association when my son turned 18 if i can put him as a joint Tennant, but they said not, they don't do that for family members which i think is crazy.

Similar circumstances, when I turned 50 I took out a funeral plan and an over 50s insurance that was viable after two years. It's not a fortune but it is something, and it eases me to know it's there

bluejelly · 16/06/2023 19:54

determinedtomakethiswork · 16/06/2023 19:52

In practical terms, I will try to get a life insurance policy, naming him as a beneficiary. In emotional terms, he has won the lottery though having you for a Mum.

Totally this! My mum will leave me nothing financial but everything that really matters: love, self esteem, morality and a work ethic. These things are priceless

cocksstrideintheevening · 16/06/2023 19:54

I'll get sweet fa from my mum, my dad left nothing. That's life.

Original poster
Rosieblue12 · 16/06/2023 19:58

strawberrywhisk · 16/06/2023 19:52

Similar circumstances, when I turned 50 I took out a funeral plan and an over 50s insurance that was viable after two years. It's not a fortune but it is something, and it eases me to know it's there

Show quote history

Yes i took out life insurance, but because i took it out late, its only for £100.000
and costs me £40 a month.
i worry that £100.000 will not go far in this world as its not enough to by a home where we live.
but it will be a start for him. and im glad i have it enough though paying £40 a month is a struggle.

OP posts:
SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 16/06/2023 20:05

Well, if you die during the term, he will get 100,000.
There are no guarantees in this life. I am the same age as you. I own a house outright but there is no guarantee my kids will get it. I might have sell to fund my retirement or it might disappear in care home fees.
You have done what you can.

FreyafromLondon · 16/06/2023 20:12

I'm in the same position op. I'm
Waiting to be housed by housing association.
I have life insurance for £100.000 but that only covers me until I'm 69 years old. Im going to have to change it.
£100.000 will give him a deposit or rent for a good few months.
Its terrible that he isn't allowed to be put as a joint tenant.
You're not alone in worrying about the future of our children Flowers

WonderingWanda · 16/06/2023 20:13

Op please don't worry. My parents have had no financial contribution to my life but I am doing just fine. Your son will be fine too. The stability you have given him through your bravery at leaving a dv situationis far more important and valuable.

Untrusting · 16/06/2023 20:17

It's lovely that your thinking that but Id say most adults in the UK go about their lives not expecting any inheritance.

My parents are pretty comfortable and at this current time have a lot but I'm hoping they live a lot longer and would a million fines rather they either live independently with paid help to the end or use their house/assets to be able to pay for the best care homes available.

There are just no guarantees in life.

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 16/06/2023 20:18

We were recently in a similar situation. We were able to succeed the tenancy by proving that this had been our primary residence for more than 12 months prior to the tenancy holder dying. We had to send 13 months worth of dated proof of address showing the address (we just got 13 months of bank statements). Worth looking into if it would ease some worry for you.

Do you work? Do you have a workplace pension? That doesn't count as part of your estate when you die, its divided between any beneficiaries.

Comedycook · 16/06/2023 20:18

I would work on a plan to help your ds increase his skill set and therefore improve his earning potential.

To be fair, I think most parents worry about what will happen to their kids once they're no longer here.

Babyroobs · 16/06/2023 20:26

I don't understand why people are saying it's terrible that your son can't go on the tenancy ? He can put himself on the HA list like any other young person can. He won't be priority but may be one day. So many people are never left an inheritance, it gets taken in care fees or parents spend their whole lives paying expensive private rents. I think HA's will need to be building more housing in the future the way things are going.

Theoldgreygoose · 16/06/2023 20:32

Rosieblue12 · 16/06/2023 19:58

Yes i took out life insurance, but because i took it out late, its only for £100.000
and costs me £40 a month.
i worry that £100.000 will not go far in this world as its not enough to by a home where we live.
but it will be a start for him. and im glad i have it enough though paying £40 a month is a struggle.

Show quote history

There are millions of people around the world who don't get left anything by their parents, and they seem to cope. That is a tidy sum for anyone to be inheriting, and I don't know many people who inherit enough to buy a house outright. He is an adult with a job, and will have to make his way in the world like many other people.