@sanityisamyth I'm sorry about how you are feeling. One thing that struck me is your feelings about your horse. You are right in the thick of it now with your sadness and imminent loss - but please try to remember you have loved that horse until their last day and they were very lucky to have you making sure they were safe and loved until the end. It's then end of an era but they can't go on forever sadly, however we'll loved they are.
@cassiatwenty
Get yourself on the internet and start making friends using meet-up apps or a common interest or dating apps. Meet in a public place, take it slow and look out for users or controlling behaviour. Start taking some ownership of your social life - you can do it!
My own happiness is more like a wave than a set point. I can look at my exact same circumstances and feel very different:
One day I feel I am so lucky with a lovely home (very modest and in need of some repair) hard working, well meaning husband, nice work life balance, kids etc
...and another day I feel down about messy house, moody husband, ships in the night with husband, debt, mardy teen, uncertain future for special needs child...etc etc
So I understand that a lot of happiness is internal and related to how you look at your own circumstances. I'm also quite affected by things that happen e.g. a bathroom leak or some kind of issue with someone or something can make me feel quite down overall - lacking resilience I guess.
I do try to look on the bright side e.g. quite small house that we fill = less pressure to have guests overnight!