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Original poster

Wedding cash gift - how much?

101 replies

Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 09:06

DP and I are attending a small wedding (16 people) next month, a couple of hours away from home. DP is best man.

We are torn with how much to give as a wedding gift. DP doesn’t want to give any more than £50 as he has had to pay for his own kilt hire, we’re paying for 2 nights in a hotel, petrol money and taking two and a half days annual leave to attend the wedding. Plus the couple didn’t appear very grateful when we got them engagement, new home and baby gifts.

I don’t particularly want to stretch to much more considering all of the above, however it feels a bit mean giving £50 as day guests when we usually gift £50 as evening guests.

Should we just suck it up and stretch to £100?

OP posts:
PurBal · 13/06/2023 09:08

We would give £100 usually. However for my best friends wedding they asked for charity donations as the groom is very wealthy (in his own right, not family money) and because of my circumstances at the time I just bought a small token. I think £50 would be fine.

DustyLee123 · 13/06/2023 09:12

I also think £50 is fine.

bibbityboppityboo · 13/06/2023 09:13

I think £100 per couple is the norm we give, unless it's a super close friend / relative.

Lcb123 · 13/06/2023 09:14

£50 is fine, I’ve never given more than that

caringcarer · 13/06/2023 10:30

As your DH is best man I think £100 per couple is the minimum you could give without looking mean.

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 10:31

Thanks all. Usually we give £100 if we are day guests which is why I feel a bit mean only giving £50. Although it’s already costing us about £400 to attend so I suppose that makes me feel a bit better!

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 13/06/2023 10:42

Hmmm I think I’d give £100 in the circumstances.

helloimnew123 · 13/06/2023 12:22

We normally give £100 plus a small gift (a candle/ photo frame or something)
I think it's nice to give a decent gift.

It's a shame everything around weddings are now soo OTT and expensive to attend (hens/ stags, week day weddings, abroad etc)

I think all the additional costs associated with being a guest make people reluctant to give a pricey gift too

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:34

I never give more than £50 anymore. I've had too many times when I've not even had a thank you for £100. £100 is a huge amount of money for me.

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/06/2023 12:36

£50 is plenty

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 12:45

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:34

I never give more than £50 anymore. I've had too many times when I've not even had a thank you for £100. £100 is a huge amount of money for me.

This always disappoints me too. I recently gave my cousin £50 when his son was born and he didn’t even acknowledge it. It really puts me off giving generous gifts when they’re not at all appreciated. We gifted the couple who are getting married a £50 voucher for their engagement and they didn’t say thanks

OP posts:
MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 12:47

We give £100 at the wedding we went to. My partner was also the best man.

£200 when it was my brothers wedding.

I think £50 is a bit mean to be honest.

Helloits2023 · 13/06/2023 12:52

I think £50 does look mean if your partner is best man, I would maybe just not give them anything? They have presumably said something like "no gifts expected" and you could just take them at their word... a 16 person wedding isn't that expensive. Or just suck it up and give £100.

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:54

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 12:47

We give £100 at the wedding we went to. My partner was also the best man.

£200 when it was my brothers wedding.

I think £50 is a bit mean to be honest.

It's not mean at all. Don't be rediculous. They've forked for for hotels and clothes as well. I'd imagine that plus the £50 takes it to well over £200 which is a huge amount of money.

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 12:59

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:54

It's not mean at all. Don't be rediculous. They've forked for for hotels and clothes as well. I'd imagine that plus the £50 takes it to well over £200 which is a huge amount of money.

Show quote history

We’re currently at over £400 for kilt hire, hotel, dog sitter, pre booked meal the night before the wedding, not including the gift (or an outfit for me as I’m wearing something I already have).

I actually don’t know the couple all that well but it is a childhood friend of DP. I’ll show him this thread and leave the decision up to him!

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 13/06/2023 13:00

They didn't say thank you for their engagement present? Well, they might as well not thank you for £50 as not thank you for £100.

1offnamechange · 13/06/2023 13:04

I usually give 30-50 if i go alone to a wedding, £100 if with dp, more if it's close family so I agree that usually I would give £100 - but I would also expect bride/groom to pay for their bridesmaids/groomsmens outfits, making your dp pay for his own is very cheeky so I think £50 is fine in this instance.

Other stuff like travel/annual leave etc I don't really take into account because that's so specific to everyone's personal circumstances - the bride and groom can't account for different people working different shifts, having different amounts of annual leave, travelling from different parts of the country etc. I work on the basis that once you've accepted an invite the amount you spend on travel, hotel, outfit etc is on you.

murasaki · 13/06/2023 13:06

My partner was best man last month, and we (i) gave 50. He'd been out of work, which the groom and bride knew, so knew I was also keeping the house afloat. I'd covered stag do costs, trips up north for suit fittings, two nights in a hotel plus trains. They phoned to say thank you and for being such a big part of their day.

As they are lovely people. You give what you can.

Thank god he is now working again!

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 13:07

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:54

It's not mean at all. Don't be rediculous. They've forked for for hotels and clothes as well. I'd imagine that plus the £50 takes it to well over £200 which is a huge amount of money.

Show quote history

Hardly ridiculous and they are probably paying well over £200 for the couple to come.
No one needs to buy new clothing for a wedding, they can wear something they already have. You can make it as expensive as you want.

Either way Im still entitled to think £50 from a couple is a bit on the tight side.

bornintheuk2 · 13/06/2023 13:07

We gave a big cheque to DN1, so felt we had to balance it for DN2. I also made the wedding cake for both (value over £500). From D(!)N 2 we also had a request for a Next voucher. Jog on

murasaki · 13/06/2023 13:08

The whole thing probably cost me 700. But it was worth it to see them get married after 25 years and to see DP proudly doing his best man stuff, and how happy their student kids were.

shakeitoffsis · 13/06/2023 13:11

My husband was best man recently. We got him a gift for himself alone as he's my husbands oldest friend of 30 years and we got them as a couple a tasting menu meal at a fancy restaurant.

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 13:11

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 13:07

Hardly ridiculous and they are probably paying well over £200 for the couple to come.
No one needs to buy new clothing for a wedding, they can wear something they already have. You can make it as expensive as you want.

Either way Im still entitled to think £50 from a couple is a bit on the tight side.

Show quote history

What the bride/groom paid is completely irrelevant. They've chosen to get married, venue and it's their wedding. The OP had to pay for clothes as they had to wear a kilt. £50 is absolutely fine.

PolliFlinders · 13/06/2023 13:23

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 12:34

I never give more than £50 anymore. I've had too many times when I've not even had a thank you for £100. £100 is a huge amount of money for me.

Me too

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 13:28

It seems opinion is divided on this! DP would be more keen to give £100 if he didn’t have to pay £125 for kilt hire at the request of the groom.

A PP mentioned the couple weren’t to know whether people would need to take annual leave due to shifts, they opted for a wedding on a Thursday and most guests work mon-fri so they knew people would be taking AL

OP posts:
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