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Original poster

Wedding cash gift - how much?

101 replies

Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 09:06

DP and I are attending a small wedding (16 people) next month, a couple of hours away from home. DP is best man.

We are torn with how much to give as a wedding gift. DP doesn’t want to give any more than £50 as he has had to pay for his own kilt hire, we’re paying for 2 nights in a hotel, petrol money and taking two and a half days annual leave to attend the wedding. Plus the couple didn’t appear very grateful when we got them engagement, new home and baby gifts.

I don’t particularly want to stretch to much more considering all of the above, however it feels a bit mean giving £50 as day guests when we usually gift £50 as evening guests.

Should we just suck it up and stretch to £100?

OP posts:
Tinkerbyebye · 13/06/2023 19:15

Blimey everyone’s richer than me then. The max for me is £50

WestendVBroadway · 13/06/2023 19:25

Well I am flabbergasted! I am obviously a tight bastard. The last wedding I went to was my own, and I honestly expected people to spend about £25 on gifts, I would have been embarrassed if they felt they had to spend more. I really don't understand why there is an expectation to spend at least £100.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 13/06/2023 19:37

£100 per couple. However if you can't, give what you can afford.

Orangerytree · 13/06/2023 19:41

All these comments saying £50 is mean! It’s not mean, it’s a lot of money for some people. We always give £50, which is a perfectly normal acceptable amount in our circles. When I got married a lot of friends gave £20/£25, I thought nothing of it, other than it was kind of them. £50 is not mean 🙄

Orangerytree · 13/06/2023 19:45

YaWeeFurryBastard · 13/06/2023 14:49

I usually give £100 if we’re invited as a couple to the day. I work on £50 per adult and £25 per child as a rule of thumb, would probably give £200 if close family.

There are exceptions to this i.e. at a BYOB I will give £50 for both of us, although to be honest I think BYOB should be in lieu of a gift. I’d probably apply the same rule to the kilt thing as I think they should have paid if there was a set outfit.

A family member gave us £30 when we invited him, his wife and two teenage kids to the full day, I thought that was spectacularly tight!

This is such a weird way to think of it. You’re not paying them for attending the wedding?? It’s a gift surely. So odd that you’re judging people for not giving you enough money. You sound grabby tbh.

murasaki · 13/06/2023 23:13

In our case, given the b&g had been together so long, dp was.godfather to both of the kids, I've known them for 10 years and advised on HE etc for one, as her ug degree was in my discipline, so proud of her, we're friends. As it goes it was an open bar bar first drink, and all I wanted for my first was an orange and lemonade
I bought own wine later

MinionsHooray · 14/06/2023 06:47

Orangerytree · 13/06/2023 19:41

All these comments saying £50 is mean! It’s not mean, it’s a lot of money for some people. We always give £50, which is a perfectly normal acceptable amount in our circles. When I got married a lot of friends gave £20/£25, I thought nothing of it, other than it was kind of them. £50 is not mean 🙄

It would be mean and tight in our circle.

Id personally be embarrassed to put £20/£25 in a card as a couple.

jackstini · 14/06/2023 08:07

Would usually say £50 from 2 day guests was a bit stingy - but them making him pay for kilt hire is even more so!
So £50 fine (technically you are gifting them £175 in total!)

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 08:19

jackstini · 14/06/2023 08:07

Would usually say £50 from 2 day guests was a bit stingy - but them making him pay for kilt hire is even more so!
So £50 fine (technically you are gifting them £175 in total!)

I would normally agree and even when I was single I would gift £100 as a day guest. I initially suggested to DP that we gift £100 but he wasn’t keen due to the kilt hire and other costs.

The plot thickens… Out of pure nosiness I looked up the wedding package they have booked (terrible - I know) and can see that they actually get 8 rooms included in the price of the package. But at the time of inviting us they told everyone that was staying that we were to transfer them £220 for our room for the two nights which we done

OP posts:
MrsMikeDrop · 14/06/2023 08:19

Rude he had to pay for his own kilt hire, but anything less than 100 is cheap imo

MrsMikeDrop · 14/06/2023 08:21

Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 08:19

I would normally agree and even when I was single I would gift £100 as a day guest. I initially suggested to DP that we gift £100 but he wasn’t keen due to the kilt hire and other costs.

The plot thickens… Out of pure nosiness I looked up the wedding package they have booked (terrible - I know) and can see that they actually get 8 rooms included in the price of the package. But at the time of inviting us they told everyone that was staying that we were to transfer them £220 for our room for the two nights which we done

Show quote history

That doesn't really mean they got it for 'free' though, as it's a holiday package so they still had to pay for it

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 08:33

MrsMikeDrop · 14/06/2023 08:21

That doesn't really mean they got it for 'free' though, as it's a holiday package so they still had to pay for it

Show quote history

No they didn’t get it for free but a wedding package which was £2500 didn’t cost them £2500 as the guests have funded the room cost if that makes sense.

DP is still adamant he is gifting £50 so I suppose his friends, his decision!

OP posts:
MinionsHooray · 14/06/2023 10:43

Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 08:19

I would normally agree and even when I was single I would gift £100 as a day guest. I initially suggested to DP that we gift £100 but he wasn’t keen due to the kilt hire and other costs.

The plot thickens… Out of pure nosiness I looked up the wedding package they have booked (terrible - I know) and can see that they actually get 8 rooms included in the price of the package. But at the time of inviting us they told everyone that was staying that we were to transfer them £220 for our room for the two nights which we done

Show quote history

They don’t get them for free.
The package would be higher to cover the cost of the rooms so they appear ‘free’ but they are not and then you are meant to sell them back to the guests.

That’s pretty standard and has happened in the last 2 weddings Iv been too.

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 10:51

MinionsHooray · 14/06/2023 10:43

They don’t get them for free.
The package would be higher to cover the cost of the rooms so they appear ‘free’ but they are not and then you are meant to sell them back to the guests.

That’s pretty standard and has happened in the last 2 weddings Iv been too.

Show quote history

I understand the rooms aren’t free. As I said in a previous comment the package is £2500 but they aren’t paying £2500 for the package as 7 rooms are paying £220 for their own rooms. So the couple are paying around £1000 for the package if that makes sense? Or have I got this wrong

OP posts:
MinionsHooray · 14/06/2023 10:56

Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 10:51

I understand the rooms aren’t free. As I said in a previous comment the package is £2500 but they aren’t paying £2500 for the package as 7 rooms are paying £220 for their own rooms. So the couple are paying around £1000 for the package if that makes sense? Or have I got this wrong

Show quote history

Is the £2,500 just for the rooms or the whole package for the everything?

Sounds like it’s just for the rooms? As it’s too low to be a whole wedding package with food/drink etc but depends where they are getting married.

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 10:59

@MinionsHooray it’s for the entire package including the rooms! It’s at a small hotel in Gretna where I doubt the rooms are £110 per night so I did wonder whether the couple have bumped the price up for the rooms to subsidise what remainder they have to pay for the package. I may well be being cynical though!

OP posts:
Nodinnernogift · 14/06/2023 12:14

I'm Irish so not much help here; it's always 100 minimum per guest and often more.

However wedding party do not pay for their own outfits or accommodation. That's so tight.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 14/06/2023 12:25

£50 is fine. It's tight of the couple to not be paying kilt hire and potentially some of the accomodation costs too.

When we got married we paid for everything. Hair, dresses, suits, shoes and accommodation for guests And I'd have still been touched for them to give us a £50 gift.

If you're that worried about it maybe split the difference and go for £75? And give them a nice photo frame or a bottle of something to go with it. Or a cheaper alternative. The morning of the wedding go and buy a times newspaper (or whatever paper you want) as a keepsake for them.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 14/06/2023 12:30

I only judged one guest for our wedding gift and that was the one who was part of the wedding party. Took everything happily (including the dress and jewellery she later sold on) and gave a £20 john lewis voucher that was picked up the day of the wedding.

They were well off too (i knew their finances). That pissed me off a bit. But not enough to say or do anything about it.

LizziesTwin · 14/06/2023 12:41

I know someone who bumped up the prices in the bar where they had the wedding reception & that helped pay for the event.

jackstini · 14/06/2023 19:09

Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 10:59

@MinionsHooray it’s for the entire package including the rooms! It’s at a small hotel in Gretna where I doubt the rooms are £110 per night so I did wonder whether the couple have bumped the price up for the rooms to subsidise what remainder they have to pay for the package. I may well be being cynical though!

Blimey - that's a new degree of CF then!
I definitely wouldn't worry - £50 is plenty under these circumstances

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 20:28

Having checked with the other best man, DP is going to gift £100 (through gritted teeth) as he is gifting £100. The other best man and his wife are having to pay for their meal in the restaurant of the hotel as the couple have said they were unable to add them on to the package! That to me is peak CF!!

OP posts:
Perfect28 · 14/06/2023 20:29

Why is there so much pressure and expectation here? Does it not depend what you can afford?

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 14/06/2023 20:32

Perfect28 · 14/06/2023 20:29

Why is there so much pressure and expectation here? Does it not depend what you can afford?

I hate the pressure and expectation of wedding gift etiquette (or any gift etiquette tbh!). I think I feel a lot of pressure as I’ve heard countless friends and family members moan about ‘tight’ gifts they have received.

Another question I have whilst on the topic of gifts is how much would you spend on a new baby gift for a close friend? My friend recently had a baby and I got her a £15 outfit at the baby shower. Would a £30 voucher be appropriate?

OP posts:
Pammela · 14/06/2023 20:37

I’m a bit confused by the ‘tit-for-tat’ approach here..people saying ‘it didn’t cost them anything to have me there’.. but going to a wedding is a celebration..not a break-even event..
If you can afford £100, then give £100. If not, don’t! But these things are supposed to based around love/friendship..not money.