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Original poster

Wedding cash gift - how much?

101 replies

Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 09:06

DP and I are attending a small wedding (16 people) next month, a couple of hours away from home. DP is best man.

We are torn with how much to give as a wedding gift. DP doesn’t want to give any more than £50 as he has had to pay for his own kilt hire, we’re paying for 2 nights in a hotel, petrol money and taking two and a half days annual leave to attend the wedding. Plus the couple didn’t appear very grateful when we got them engagement, new home and baby gifts.

I don’t particularly want to stretch to much more considering all of the above, however it feels a bit mean giving £50 as day guests when we usually gift £50 as evening guests.

Should we just suck it up and stretch to £100?

OP posts:
WonderDays · 13/06/2023 13:47

In your circumstances I’d give £50.

My DH and I attending a wedding that involves two nights in a hotel and a 300 mile round trip soon and we’re going to give £50. My thinking is if all the other couples do the same that’s a chunky amount of money.

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 13:57

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 13:11

What the bride/groom paid is completely irrelevant. They've chosen to get married, venue and it's their wedding. The OP had to pay for clothes as they had to wear a kilt. £50 is absolutely fine.

Show quote history

Just like it’s completely irrelevant then that the OP has had to book pet sitters, travel costs, hotel or what annual leave they need to take. They knew the place of the wedding and chosen to still go. If they were that unhappy about it all then they could of stayed home and declined. No one forced them to go.

You’re entitled to think £50 is fine, I’m entitled to think it’s on the tight side from a couple. Each to their own. You don’t have to agree with me.

canigetitmyself · 13/06/2023 14:14

Have they given you wedding, engagement, baby gifts?

Have they attended your wedding?

I think £50 is a bit low

canigetitmyself · 13/06/2023 14:17

Actually, they should have to pay for the kilt themselves. That's cheeky

So yes, I agree with £50

NBLarsen · 13/06/2023 14:19

I think £50 is plenty. I give £50 if I'm invited to the whole wedding and just a card if I'm only invited to the evening. When you're already paying £hundreds just to attend I don't see the need to be overly generous with a cash gift on top of your own attendance.

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 14:22

canigetitmyself · 13/06/2023 14:17

Actually, they should have to pay for the kilt themselves. That's cheeky

So yes, I agree with £50

If it wasn’t for the kilt hire cost DP would be more keen to gift more.

We’re not engaged/married/babied yet so of course no gifts. We got them house warming and 30th birthday gifts and nothing when DP turned 30 or when we bought our house etc. I don’t give gifts to receive gifts though but they didn’t even say thanks for the house warming gift!

OP posts:
QueenBitch666 · 13/06/2023 14:23

I'd give £50 taking into account how much it's costing you to attend. I'm really surprised he's had to pay for the kilt hire himself

dinmin · 13/06/2023 14:26

Does it have to be money? What about something meaningful but not necessarily expensive any without an obvious monetary value (not a voucher) - like a “wedding day” rose plant or similar?

andymary · 13/06/2023 14:34

£50 max, and that would depend on if it's family or friends, and how close the friends are.
Family and close friends £50 max cash.
Non-close friends I would do like a £30 gift card.

You could always meet in the middle with hubby and do £50 cash and a gift, like a set of Mr & Mrs mugs, personalised wine glasses, personalised chopping board set - something useable like that.

Ibizafun · 13/06/2023 14:40

Reading with interest as £500 is the average
I've found people give to their friends children's' wedding. A very close friend £750, family member £1000+. Luckily we don't have too many this summer!

cocksstrideintheevening · 13/06/2023 14:41

We got everything from a bottle of champagne to a tenner to £500. Give what you want and can afford.

Making the best man pay for kilt hire is super tight

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 14:48

cocksstrideintheevening · 13/06/2023 14:41

We got everything from a bottle of champagne to a tenner to £500. Give what you want and can afford.

Making the best man pay for kilt hire is super tight

Thanks, it’s good to know what other people got at their weddings. How did you feel with the £10 gifts? (Not that I’m considering only giving £10 - that would be tight!).

I know my sister was miffed when she got a £10 gift from our cousin for her wedding considering she gifted our cousin £150 the year before for her wedding!

OP posts:
YaWeeFurryBastard · 13/06/2023 14:49

I usually give £100 if we’re invited as a couple to the day. I work on £50 per adult and £25 per child as a rule of thumb, would probably give £200 if close family.

There are exceptions to this i.e. at a BYOB I will give £50 for both of us, although to be honest I think BYOB should be in lieu of a gift. I’d probably apply the same rule to the kilt thing as I think they should have paid if there was a set outfit.

A family member gave us £30 when we invited him, his wife and two teenage kids to the full day, I thought that was spectacularly tight!

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 15:33

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 13:57

Just like it’s completely irrelevant then that the OP has had to book pet sitters, travel costs, hotel or what annual leave they need to take. They knew the place of the wedding and chosen to still go. If they were that unhappy about it all then they could of stayed home and declined. No one forced them to go.

You’re entitled to think £50 is fine, I’m entitled to think it’s on the tight side from a couple. Each to their own. You don’t have to agree with me.

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That's completely different. They're the ones who have chosen to get married. It is in no way as important to anybody else as it is to the couple themselves. A token congratulations gift/£50 is absolutely fine just like it would be for a birthday party. Yes they could have chosen not to go but he's the best man so that would probably destroy the friendship. The couple could equally have chosen a weekend so no annual leave has to be taken but they didn't. They could have chosen to pay for the kilt but they didn't. It's all a bunch of choices isn't it and choosing to gift £50 is a choice and there's nothing wrong with it. Any gift should be welcomed.

canigetitmyself · 13/06/2023 15:41

Definitely £50

Plus they're your partner friends so he has the final call

Gafelix · 13/06/2023 15:47

Kilt hire is very expensive - £200 for DP recently

I gift entirely based on what they spend on me.

I was invited just to the wedding ceremony once and gave a card and a £10 bottle of champagne after receiving the invite with a poem requesting cash gifts only. It didn't cost them a penny to have me there, no glass on arrival and the more important guests were whisked off to have a 3 course meal. Friend did tell me after that she received so many gifts despite asking for cash (knowing she was trying to tell me) I just told her to be grateful. We're not friends anymore for unrelated reasons.

I was also invited to an evening event too where there was a cash bar. I almost didn't go. They got a bottle of wine and a card. It didn't cost them a penny to have me there.

When I am invited for a full three course meal and the full day I will do £50 per adult plus a thoughtful small gift.

WonderDays · 13/06/2023 15:54

OP I got married years ago and received gifts that ranged in value from about £5 up to about £150. I genuinely didn’t feel more or less gratitude depending on the monetary value of the gifts. I appreciated the bunch of flowers from a friend of my DH who had travelled two hours in her own to our wedding as much as a couple that bought a small TV.
For me it really was about appreciating the effort people made to attend and I also loved reading all the lovely wedding cards.

BCBird · 13/06/2023 15:59

I think 50 is fine considering how much it has cost you to attend. If they were more considerate they would tell you no.gifts. I been in.this type of situation myself. Awkward

Original poster
Twinklegolden · 13/06/2023 16:20

Gafelix · 13/06/2023 15:47

Kilt hire is very expensive - £200 for DP recently

I gift entirely based on what they spend on me.

I was invited just to the wedding ceremony once and gave a card and a £10 bottle of champagne after receiving the invite with a poem requesting cash gifts only. It didn't cost them a penny to have me there, no glass on arrival and the more important guests were whisked off to have a 3 course meal. Friend did tell me after that she received so many gifts despite asking for cash (knowing she was trying to tell me) I just told her to be grateful. We're not friends anymore for unrelated reasons.

I was also invited to an evening event too where there was a cash bar. I almost didn't go. They got a bottle of wine and a card. It didn't cost them a penny to have me there.

When I am invited for a full three course meal and the full day I will do £50 per adult plus a thoughtful small gift.

That’s food for thought, we are attending the evening reception of one of DP’s friends the following week and I suggested to DP we gift £50 which he felt was a bit steep for evening guests

OP posts:
Gafelix · 13/06/2023 16:27

I think £50 is reasonable for a couple for an evening if its an open bar

Sugarfree23 · 13/06/2023 16:33

I'd go £100 or split the difference £75, given he's paid the kilt hire.

I think giving anything less is tight, the food will be costing them probably £75-100 per head.

MinionsHooray · 13/06/2023 17:09

Remotecontrolatmyside · 13/06/2023 15:33

That's completely different. They're the ones who have chosen to get married. It is in no way as important to anybody else as it is to the couple themselves. A token congratulations gift/£50 is absolutely fine just like it would be for a birthday party. Yes they could have chosen not to go but he's the best man so that would probably destroy the friendship. The couple could equally have chosen a weekend so no annual leave has to be taken but they didn't. They could have chosen to pay for the kilt but they didn't. It's all a bunch of choices isn't it and choosing to gift £50 is a choice and there's nothing wrong with it. Any gift should be welcomed.

Show quote history

Like I said we can agree to disagree. You think it’s fine. I think it’s tight.

That’s it.

WinchSparkle80 · 13/06/2023 17:26

My brother didn’t get us anything for our wedding, still irks me now… a card would have been nice… however we got lots of £50 which we were very grateful for as combined we purchased a much needed new vispring bed.

Sooo £50 sounds fine considering expenditure for kilt… £50 and a plant? we got a bay tree and 14 years later still in garden ready for picking when making a spag bol 😆

llamallama6384 · 13/06/2023 18:15

£50 per adult attending is the norm in my circle for day guests.

bananaboats · 13/06/2023 18:25

£50 is the most we give and when we got married last year I'd say that was the norm from what we recieved back. Most was £200 from one couple which we were very surprised by.