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Original poster

Do students still make their friends for life living in halls at university?

58 replies

Harping · 10/06/2023 06:01

Just thinking about this and wondering if it’s changed now. I know studies recently have shown a high percentage of students consider themselves lonely. And with so much learning done online. I wondered how different the experience is. I started university 25 years ago.

OP posts:
youhavenoidea123 · 10/06/2023 06:02

Both my DC appear to have made firm friends in halls, then house shared for two years after.

NorthWestThree · 10/06/2023 06:03

The "friends for life" at uni is bullshit in my (and most people I know!) experience. I am not in touch with a single person I went to uni with and very few of my friends / colleagues are either.

I went to uni in 1997 and I hated it.

Original poster
Harping · 10/06/2023 06:08

I know it’s always been the case that not everyone makes great group of friends at university. But I think plenty people did in my generation, just wondering if it’s still the case now

OP posts:

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Higher education
youhavenoidea123 · 10/06/2023 06:11

My DP has not kept in touch with any uni friends he finished 1999.

My DC have both made a group of friends. But it is probably to early to say if friends for life.

Original poster
Harping · 10/06/2023 06:13

yes sorry of course too early to say if friends for life. But good friends. That’s good to hear youhavenoidea123 that your dc have good group of friends

OP posts:
BrushYourHairRightNow · 10/06/2023 06:16

I started uni 25 years ago too.

1st year (in halls) I think I enjoyed it but never felt like I found “my” people.
2nd year hated it.
3rd year went abroad and loved it.
4th year hated it.

I am fb friends with those from my year abroad, but it’s not like we chat. I don’t keep in touch with anyone else.

Teeheehee1579 · 10/06/2023 06:16

Surely the answer to this is that is completely depends who you are put into halls with?! I am still friends with one girl I was in halls with twenty years on but the other 5 in my ‘flat’ definitely not. My best friend for life (well so far anyway!) came from my second job post university. Just like some people have friends from since they were at school, some can’t wait to leave etc etc

HappiDaze · 10/06/2023 06:16

I have friends from school and Uni. I didn't stay in halls though.

I stayed friends with a group from uni for years after but we all grew apart after couples split up, moved away, had DC etc.

BeethovenNinth · 10/06/2023 06:19

I’m only close friends with a couple of friends I met at uni now - we didn’t meet in halls.

it also depends on your subject. Medics tend to hang out with medics, lawyers with lawyers etc.

phones have maybe also hugely changed things as easier to
meet up with people. I remember having to hang around waiting for the public phone to ring!

Scarydinosaurs · 10/06/2023 06:22

You can have friends, and still feel lonely.

Survey’s that reveal high levels of loneliness could indicate something else is going on rather than not having friends/having few friends.

It could be that they miss their families, their friends from home, are experiencing a mismatch in their expectation and reality of university life. It could be that they have lots of friends but feel unable to be themselves around them.

Unless you asked those students why they felt lonely, you can’t be sure the reason is friendship.

Startoftheyear2023 · 10/06/2023 06:25

I have two DC who have recently left university and both made firm friends during their first weeks in halls. I'm regularly in touch with friends I made during the late 80's. Definitely still a thing!

WelcomeToMonkeyTown · 10/06/2023 06:30

Is this still a hangover from Covid though? Those students who had to attend lectures online and didn't have the same social opportunities as pre-pandemic?

Also what is a "high percentage" ? High compared with to what? Is it higher than 10/20 years ago?

Does this study take into account what stage of their uni life they're at or if they're in halls/flats/living at home?

A lot of accommodation has changed a lot now, and students have more privacy, and subsequently less mingling. When I went in the early 00s a hall of residence had shared bathrooms, a kitchen for the whole floor (20 people) and a dining hall for the whole building with fixed meal times. A lot of uni "halls" these days are actually self-contained flats where everyone has an en-suite and then a kitchen shared between 5-6 people. If you don't like your 5-6 people then you're stuck. In an old-school hall you had a lot more to choose from!

My uni life was also pre-social media. So if you wanted to meet people you had to physically go out and do that. I think social media actually makes it harder for young people to go out and meet these days as it feels like a lot more pressure.

CedezLePassage · 10/06/2023 06:30

I met friends and my husband in halls, but I think I got quite lucky. I'm surprised by the not staying in touch comments though. I finished in the mid 00s and still see various university friends 2 or 3 times a year. Other friends I might not see but text now and again. At various times we've stretched from Scotland to Surrey so not like we're geographically close. Lots of people I know my age still see their uni friends.

Kalodin · 10/06/2023 06:31

Most of my work colleagues are still close to their uni friends despite being all over the country now.

As for me, there's 3 that although I haven't spoken to in a while, I'm sure we could easily start chatting again (just life has happened to us all)

SilverGlitterBaubles · 10/06/2023 06:32

University life has changed, many courses still have some of their lectures and seminars online so students get less interactions with others on their campus in person. People spend more time online which makes them more likely not to interact with those they are sharing accommodation with. DD says that some people hardly emerge from their halls rooms at all, spend all their time online and gaming.

Wallywobbles · 10/06/2023 06:33

Dd made friends to share with next year from halls. They had to have it sorted almost as soon as she started which was insane. But they're still friends now at the end of the year.

She's at Birmingham so the halls she were in were actually flats of 5 owned and allocated by the uni.

Wallywobbles · 10/06/2023 06:34

And 2 of my best friends went to uni.

Lonecatwithkitten · 10/06/2023 06:35

DD

Lonecatwithkitten · 10/06/2023 06:38

The cat made me post early.
DD is at a uni with no halls at her campus site - so won't her first year flat mate she is coexisting with. Hopefully year 2 will be better.
I am sad for her as last night I meet my girlfriends of 31 years who were on my corridor in halls we have very diverse jobs and weren't actually even at the same colleges in the university of London.

lampformyfeet · 10/06/2023 06:42

I started uni 35 rears ago. I’m still in touch with one person but opted not to go to a recent reunion. I’m closer to friends I made at school even though we are scattered far and wide now.

wildfirewonder · 10/06/2023 06:44

Scarydinosaurs · 10/06/2023 06:22

You can have friends, and still feel lonely.

Survey’s that reveal high levels of loneliness could indicate something else is going on rather than not having friends/having few friends.

It could be that they miss their families, their friends from home, are experiencing a mismatch in their expectation and reality of university life. It could be that they have lots of friends but feel unable to be themselves around them.

Unless you asked those students why they felt lonely, you can’t be sure the reason is friendship.

This.

The loneliness epidemic amongst young people is not to do with not having any friends, it is to do with how modern life feels I think.

BananaSpanner · 10/06/2023 06:51

I’m only FB friends with my Uni mates. I am still close with my school friends though. I think most of it is situational. Uni friends spread far and wide and I returned to my home town and picked up with my friends who had also returned. Most of us were broke after uni!

EvenmoreDisorganised · 10/06/2023 06:54

DH and I went to uni in the late 80s. My contact with former friends there is limited to exchanging Christmas cards with two of them (one from course, one from halls) and being FB friends with another from my course. My friends for life came from 6th form. My halls were a flat of 6, shared bathroom, shared kitchen. You never really met anyone from the other flats and mine consisted of two international students who only socialised with people from their own countries, one who was stoned most of the time, one who I got on with OK but nothing in common, one I did become good friends for a few years with (she's the Christmas card one).

DH is very much friends for life with his, sees them regularly, families know each other. His were traditional halls at a campus uni and much more sociable.

PuttingDownRoots · 10/06/2023 07:00

In my flat of 6 people...

One was a mature student, no idea why she was put with us but we never saw her.
3 were on the same course and instantly bonded
1 was on a similar timetabled course and able to hang out with them
I was on an intense 9-5 course, out all day, study in early evening and party hard course. The clash was too much.

I made my friends through a Club instead. I see a lot of them still.

mdh2020 · 10/06/2023 07:02

DD made a couple of friends for life at uni. DS has a circle of 6 friends. They were all at school together, some went to the same uni and now they meet up with/ without their children. I quite envy him his skill at making friends.