Do students still make their friends for life living in halls at university?

[Harping]

Just thinking about this and wondering if it’s changed now. I know studies recently have shown a high percentage of students consider themselves lonely. And with so much learning done online. I wondered how different the experience is. I started university 25 years ago.

I finished university in 1988 and my best friends are 4 people who were in my first year accommodation. Over the years there have been times when we've been living in 4 different countries and 3 continents.

My daughter has just finished her first year and next year will be in a house with others from her first year campus residence. As above, they get on, and go out together often. Her best friend from the year though, and the one she's on holiday with right now, was in a different residence this year and will be in a different house next- again, because as above, often second year accommodation needs to be sorted before Christmas of the first when you are all getting to know each other still. Mine was also surprised (having heard me talk about my experience) how often some of the people she knows go home. Some go home every weekend. Possibly because they have jobs, for financial reasons, or simply because they want to- I guess their best friends are still going to be the ones at home.

I do think the university experience for some has changed over the years- as a teacher I'd say so has the school experience and life of teenagers in general.

I don't think it's to do with online lectures. I think it's to do with a combination of online life telephones, the internet, gaming, FOMO meaning that instead of actually living their lives, a lot of teenagers (and not only) spend a lot of time watching what they think is other people living theirs, a reduction in socialisation in general, and the absence of that "benign neglect" from parents that other generations had. There's also the increase in students who decide to live at home, for financial reasons and others. On my course one boy lived at home and that was because he'd chosen one of the universities in the city we were in. He didn't come back in the second year. It was almost unheard of for people to live at home.

TL:DR Some will find their lifelong friends in halls. Some won't.

We're the opposite, most people ended up marrying within the group, we're godparents to each others' kids and still good friends 30 years later.

This is surely a case of "some do, some don't" and always has been?

I graduated 6 years ago, had a 9-5 course with plenty of in person contact, and lived in "traditional" halls i.e. long hallways of loads of rooms with shared kitchen and bathrooms. So was in a good "set-up" to make friends.

I'd say I had one okay friend from halls, who i lost contact with in final year let alone after leaving. I had many people I got on with on my course (but never stayed in contact) and two good friends from my course. One I've basically lost contact with and the other seems to be going that way. I've not been out of uni that long so it's not looking good!

The closest person I have from uni is someone who I got on with but didn't know well during uni, then ended up working for the same company with, we're now fast friends but I wouldn't exactly call us uni friends - that's not where the friendship began really.

My longstanding friends come from a sports club I did as a teenager.

I went to uni in 2003 and still got friends with 2 girls off my course. So it does happen sometimes its harder to meet up as we all have our own families and work but we speak

DD1 - not in her student flat but on her course and clubs. Over the years she rented with friends or friends of
friends who she barely sees now. One of her bffs is someone from a different course she met at a film club.

DD2 - course was very small. Good friends with a few of her course and one flatmate from a different course in first year. Her bff is a former flatmate in a different year and different course. Her former bff was a flatmate in first year.

Both finished Uni about 2 years ago and see a lot of these friends (different ages 1 was 5 year course and 1 was 3 year)

I was in a flat of 6 and only friends now with one of them, who is definitely a friend for life. He was also in the same course as me, which helped. The others were dreadful. I have one more really good friend from my course and my husband!

I'm not in touch with anyone from secondary school/ uni. Only one person from primary school. That's because the majority moved away/back home. Only one remained in the city. Think most people move around now for work etc.

Still get together with mine at least once a year 30 years on

I was in halls in 2011 and I’m still in touch with two people I lived with. One sporadically but we have a nice time when we see each other and the other I’m marrying next year…although I do sometimes forget FH is a “uni friend”.

I had quite a lot of friends in a group at uni. I’m in touch regularly with two of them and consider them close friends (one will be a bridesmaid for me). I see the occasional other person from uni sometimes via the people I’m in touch with that are in touch with others.

Meeting my Uni pals later in the year for another reunion of the 5 of us. We were on a campus Uni.
We graduated 30 years ago and managed to reunite through Facebook after a period of drifting into different towns and jobs. We make the effort to meet every second year and I love it! We're all still the same and just lock back into the usual jokes and banter in an instant.
I'm encouraging my DCs to look at campus Unis

I have one 'friend for life' from university, tho she wasn't in my halls. I met her rather randomly in fact. That was in 1985. She's coming to stay with me next month. I need to start upping my wine consumption and get in training!

The tightest group of friends i remember from those days (proper Peter's Friends type situation) are no longer in touch as far as I can gather.

Too soon to say for my children who are in their mid twenties. They seem to pick up friends from all walks of their lives. DD's best and always friend is definitely from school though

I started uni 16 years ago. Yes my best friend is from my uni halls. We lived together afterwards for a few years. We now live 4 hours apart but we are still best friends.

I have two uni friends on my Facebook who I have not seen for 30 years. My friends for life are from school and my first proper job and houseshare in my 20s. So I think friends for life can be made in a variety of places.

I met dh in halls and our mutual best friend but don't speak to anyone else I met there.

DD only just finished four years at uni. She shared her second year flat with closest friends, but two had mental health issues (cutting, threatening suicide, not eating) and one by one the other three went home as they couldn't live with that every few days. She lost touch with one of them, but shared has kept in touch with one and ended up sharing last year.

She shared with a lovely girl in first year and they are still in touch. Unless she ends up working here, she'll eventually go back to UAE so contact will be limited.

Her main friend, she met a lovely chap on her year abroad and they're still together. Who knows!

I'm Facebook friends with the people I lived in halls with but we didn't stay close friends for very long after uni finished. We were best friends whilst at uni though. I did however meet my DH at uni and it will be out 9 year anniversary next week

I married one 😂 However, the rest of them, both me and dh don't keep in contact with anymore. Have them on fb and that's it. The only person I kept in contact with, we unfortunately drifted apart over covid as she was trying to relocate abroad and I think lockdown + plus her relocation just kind of fizzled out the friendship.

People I met in halls I lived with in second and third year. We got on fine in year 1 and 2, but by third year they all sort of ganged up on me and now dh. No idea why, but it turned into a them and us dynamic. I assume stress of finals and basically just living with the same group for too long caused the bad atmosphere.

Perhaps it was different in the 70s or 80s, but these days people tend to go onto to do masters, years abroad, phds etc. Therefore the group you meet in undergraduate gets diluted and people replace with a new set of friends. So the lifelong group just doesn't happen so often.

I have a group of close friends who I met at Uni living on campus 37 years ago. I am in touch with many of them weekly. A large number of people I know married someone from our residence. DH’s closest friends are also from Uni.

The children of my friends are not really making friends at Uni but that seems to be a combination of online learning and living at home rather than on campus.

I didn’t make best friends for life but the friendships at the time were strong. And I think I only have one friend still in a relationship with somebody they met at university, so I’m surprised that it’s apparently very common.

I don’t think it’s particularly odd that university friends grow apart, everyone changes so much in adulthood that people you felt you had loads in common with at 18-21 just drift away naturally a lot of the time. I’m not especially sad that I didn’t remain good friends with mine: the times we had were a lot of fun but my closest and longest standing friends have been the ones I met when I’d grown up a bit and discovered what I wanted in life and who I was a bit more.

Oh I forgot to mention. I remember when I went to uni (early 2000s) how shocked I was that so many people went off home to mummy and daddy every weekend. One even retaining her weekend job at home. This meant that often the halls would be a ghost town at weekend. Our halls of 20 per kitchen would be reduced down to about 10 people, of those 5 were international students who unfortunately kept to socialising within their nationality groups. I remember being surprised at this at the time, I thought people stayed away the whole term, perhaps with one visit home...that's what I did anyway! 😂

I went to uni in the 90s and I'm still in touch with four of my halls of residence housemates. We don't see each other often but we randomly text each other every few months and keep up to date with major life events etc.

I had a largeish group of friends and was in touch with two of them, until three years ago, so yes, many years later.

I am in regular touch and good mates with someone I went to uni with in the early 1990’s. I’m also in touch with a primary school friend, a 50 year friendship as we met on the first day at school.

I’m also in touch with another uni mate but they live in OZ so don’t see them that often.

I'd say it would be a mix of halls residents and activity buddies. My nephew made his friends through the climbing club. He found folk to flatshare with through halls - they knew they could already live together without murder happening, but true friends were through shared interests.