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Original poster

No replies to the party invites

90 replies

HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 17:46

I asked to handle out 15 invitations at my DC preschool a couple of weeks ago. The party is in three weeks. We received only one rsvp. My dc is really obsessed with a birthday party and so looking forward to it.

Today I overheard that my dc’s best friend is having a party in a week, and my DC is not invited. Other kids from the nursery are invited. I am not sure what we are doing wrong and what we can do to improve things. We moved to this small town a couple of years ago. I am from another country, my husband is not. Neither of us have problems with communicating in our usual circle, so I would not say that we are weird or rude.

I feel that we will need to cancel the party if only one child is coming otherwise it would be very awkward. Any suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
WhatsThatIHear · 07/06/2023 17:51

Could you ask the other parents directly if they’ve had the invites, & if so, could they confirm attendance or not?

vicaragechristmas · 07/06/2023 17:54

One of the mums at my DC nursery forgot to put a phone number or a date on the party invites! She was relieved to find out people hadn’t come because of an oversight, and not that we didn’t care!

Is it something simple like that?

SpamIAm · 07/06/2023 17:56

People are awful at RSVPing - it's shit and causes unnecessary stress.

We have a school Facebook group and people always post in there asking people who haven't RSVPd to do so (politely of course). I'd give it until a week before (or a day before you need to cancel/confirm numbers if relevant and then contact parents in whatever way you have available to you to get them to confirm.

I'd assume your son not being invited is either an oversight or a lost invitation, don't let it get to you.

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Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 17:56

In principle I can, but it does sound like nagging and putting a person on the spot. Especially knowing that my DC is not invited to their parties.

It is more like ideas what we are doing wrong. Our Dc is quite friendly and nice, always talks about her friends at the nursery and wants to invite all of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 17:58

vicaragechristmas · 07/06/2023 17:54

One of the mums at my DC nursery forgot to put a phone number or a date on the party invites! She was relieved to find out people hadn’t come because of an oversight, and not that we didn’t care!

Is it something simple like that?

We printed the invites and double-checked them, so it is definitely all correct numbers and rsvps.

OP posts:
SaltedCaramelLife · 07/06/2023 17:59

Ask the parents directly. I'm a single parent and unless my ex husband can have our other 2 children then I often wait until 2 weeks before the date of the event (unless there's an earlier date to RSVP) to reply that I'm still trying to arrange childcare for the others.

NineOfNine · 07/06/2023 18:02

Is there a way to check whether parents have received the invites?

Sometimes invites go astray - children leave them in trays, parents don’t check bags properly and so on.

Your DC not being invited to this other party may be an oversight, or it may be a very small party where only a handful of children from nursery are invited. It’s not necessarily about anything you’re doing.

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 18:02

We have invited the siblings in the invitation

OP posts:
GaPlanter · 07/06/2023 18:06

I’d say this is quite normal with 3 weeks to go, probably not anything you’ve done! Lots of parents just put them in a pile of papers and forget about them I think. If you have the parents numbers can you text them to ask if their dc are coming? I did this for my dc’s last party and nearly everyone said yes.

Pjmasksonrepeat · 07/06/2023 18:07

Did you hand them out personally or to the staff member? They may not have all gone out so it may be worth a quick check with any parent you see to ask if they received it? What kind of preschool is it? Is it a large one or a small village type one?

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 18:10

I asked the staff last week, and the nursery teacher did confirm that she put it in the bags. The parents do normally check the bags as we got invoices put in the bags, received this week.
it is a small market town with 11 000 people, one private nursery.

OP posts:
IkeaMeatballGravy · 07/06/2023 18:11

I've noticed people have got worse at this since covid. Our class Facebook page is full of worried parents asking for RSVPs. I am really disorganised so when one of my DCs bring an invite home I check the date on the calender, ask DC whether they want to go and text the parent straight away. It is not a massive, stressful task and there really isn't any excuse for being so rude.

I put a message on the Facebook page and asked parents directly. I always get a good response that way. Be prepared for a couple of no shows and sometimes a child will turn up even though thier parent didn't RSVP.

h3ll0o · 07/06/2023 18:16

My daughter goes to pre-school in a small village and a child in her class had a party the other week. The mum has two children in other classes, talks to everyone in the playground even she had to message the class Whats App three times to encourage people to rsvp. It’s them not you.

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 18:18

Not sure what to do if there is only one confirmed rsvp- make an excuse to cancel party overall, or put a brave face and party with just two kids.
The party is in our garden, but we have an entertainer and an ice cream van booked.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 07/06/2023 18:20

I think you probably sent the invitations out far too early. If the party is still three weeks away, there are probably many parents who won't know what they will be doing that far ahead yet.

purser25 · 07/06/2023 18:22

Might be worth sending out a reminder

pooeylouie · 07/06/2023 18:29

I had a v similar scenario with my DSs 4th birthday, no replies because in hindsight I think I sent the invites out too early but there's no denying it some people are also just rubbish at replying.

As nursery couldn't share parents contact details they followed up with people for me and I got responses as the party got much closer (ie days to go, I was also on the verge of cancelling at one point!) In the end it was a fab party I think we had 10 or so kids there, perfect!

Try not to worry and I found asking the nursery to follow up with parents I couldn't contact really helped to get responses. Hope your DC has a lovely party.

tiggergoesbounce · 07/06/2023 18:46

I think maybe as their is still some time before the party, its not on peoples radar yet. It won't be anything to do with you or your DS, just some people only see a week or 2 ahead.

We normally send invites out 2 weeks before, i book well in advance but only send invites out close enough for people to remember and it be on their mind.

As with the invites for your DS, are the other mums closer, and that's why the kids are invited. When you say the kids are best friends, in what way, do they play and meet up outside of school? At that age one child can think one is a best friend and the other not really notice.

It is a minefield for things like this, but it will all come good with a quick reminder of confirmations needed to parents a week before the party

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:05

I have phone numbers of several parents but I am a bit reluctant to text in case I don’t get replies. We chit chat with them, but not friends. We all will go to the same school so it would be difficult to put my best smile and pretend that it’s ok that we were ignored twice and continue to chit chat for the sake of my dc. We invited by Facebook one of the parents to a bbq, with their child. We thought we are friendly with them, but never got a reply. Still continue friendly chit chat, the invitation has never been mentioned.

Regarding best friends my DC is always together with another child on the photos from the nursery, and they hold hands at the classes they both attend. I talk ‘weather conversations’ with the child’s parents while we wait for the class to finish. No play dates outside, kids parents and us work ft.

OP posts:
Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:08

Some of the kids that are invited are new to the area, but their parents are English.

OP posts:
Mythril · 07/06/2023 19:12

I think you are overly concerned at this point. I do think you handed out invitations too early. People will feel no urgency to respond if the party is 5 weeks away, and then will end up forgetting completely. I highly doubt the lack of replies is anything personal.

For my kids' birthdays this year (rec and year 2) they handed out invitations in class. I then asked every parent of an invited child that I saw over the next week if they had received the invitation (a decent number had not!!) Then a week before the party I tracked down any remaining parents who hadn't RSVPd if they were coming (they were! just hadn't replied).

So that's a lot of follow up, and I realise it is probably harder to do this at a nursery, but it really helps you get your party sorted!

I think the fact siblings are invited makes it a very attractive event to parents. Don't doubt yourself, people will hopefully appreciate the reminder x

BeverlyHa · 07/06/2023 19:14

Hoping the party will go and everyone will be happy.

twilightsleepiness · 07/06/2023 19:20

Maybe you could send a second invite as a reminder?? And put a 'please
RSVP by' x date on it

headcheffer · 07/06/2023 19:22

Don't worry. I did the invites for DDs party via nursery three weeks ago - party is Saturday. I only had a few confirmed until last Friday. Suddenly there's 20 confirmed!!!

inappropriateraspberry · 07/06/2023 19:28

You're overthinking this! There are still 3 weeks to go, did you put an RSVP date on the invites?
Send a short text/message to those you have details for, asking if they know if they'll be there or not, and assume all will come unless they have specifically said no.
Can you message via Facebook? Is there a nursery page you are all members of, and can contact through there?