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Original poster

No replies to the party invites

90 replies

HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 17:46

I asked to handle out 15 invitations at my DC preschool a couple of weeks ago. The party is in three weeks. We received only one rsvp. My dc is really obsessed with a birthday party and so looking forward to it.

Today I overheard that my dc’s best friend is having a party in a week, and my DC is not invited. Other kids from the nursery are invited. I am not sure what we are doing wrong and what we can do to improve things. We moved to this small town a couple of years ago. I am from another country, my husband is not. Neither of us have problems with communicating in our usual circle, so I would not say that we are weird or rude.

I feel that we will need to cancel the party if only one child is coming otherwise it would be very awkward. Any suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
Igmum · 07/06/2023 19:36

Don't worry. No one ever replies. You really do need to chase. Hope it goes really well

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:37

There was rsvp by in the first invite, to be fair it is in two weeks. But I am stressing out already 😊. And to be honest not getting invite from the best friend did upset me. My dc overall does got only two invites since the last birthday, one of them was from my friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:37

And I know that we are not entitled to invites and so in, but still it hurts. I really want to help my DC socially.

OP posts:

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Families
Weal · 07/06/2023 19:40

I think just bite the bullet and ask the parents when you see them or by text. I don’t think it’s awards at all, I’ve prompted people before and I’ve also received messages asking for dietary requirements.

People are much more likely to reply with a personal contact. At least then you’ll know.

ODFOx · 07/06/2023 19:40

If the 'rsvp date' is still 2 weeks away you need to relax and be patient. Anyone who hasn't responded by that date won't be coming but at this point they still have 2 weeks to decide.

LilyBayswater · 07/06/2023 19:43

HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:37

And I know that we are not entitled to invites and so in, but still it hurts. I really want to help my DC socially.

How old is she?

LilyBayswater · 07/06/2023 19:44

As other posters say you need to chill out about this

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:45

Four, pretty much the whole nursery goes to the same school, so together next seven years

OP posts:
jenny38 · 07/06/2023 19:47

And so the party stress begins. Tricky to navigate, there will be tears and disappointments along the way. Personally I found there wasn't many parties until they started school. I would bet you will hear from parents closer to the time. Few days before, get nursery to prompt parents, or catch parents at nursery. All will be fine, but its stressful at first.

drpet49 · 07/06/2023 19:48

GaPlanter · 07/06/2023 18:06

I’d say this is quite normal with 3 weeks to go, probably not anything you’ve done! Lots of parents just put them in a pile of papers and forget about them I think. If you have the parents numbers can you text them to ask if their dc are coming? I did this for my dc’s last party and nearly everyone said yes.

No it isn’t normal at all. It’s rude.

GaPlanter · 07/06/2023 19:53

drpet49 · 07/06/2023 19:48

No it isn’t normal at all. It’s rude.

Show quote history

Well based on the responses here and every other thread on this subject, it is normal not to respond so quickly. I’m not saying it isn’t rude, but it is normal.

FerretFarm · 07/06/2023 19:53

That's odd. Did you definitely ask for an RSVP? Did you put a date on it?

if I were you I'd ask the parents you are friendly with.

is the a group whatsapp you could ask on?

FerretFarm · 07/06/2023 19:54

I think trying to rectify what you're doing wrong is a bit misguided because you don't really know what the problem is or even if there is one.

Smartiepants79 · 07/06/2023 19:54

I would start with texting the people you have numbers for - ‘I just wondered if you’d received the invite for Ds party?? Just trying to get a better idea of numbers.’
If some of them reply you’ll know a bit more and fo they don’t your not lost anything.

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 19:57

FerretFarm · 07/06/2023 19:53

That's odd. Did you definitely ask for an RSVP? Did you put a date on it?

if I were you I'd ask the parents you are friendly with.

is the a group whatsapp you could ask on?

Definitely rsvp with the date - everything was printed and we have copies. To day I overheard that the parents I thought I was friendly with didn’t invite my DC to their party. Can’t see asking after this.
I don’t think there is a what’s up group, or alternatively I am just not invited!

OP posts:
EarthlyNightshade · 07/06/2023 19:58

You could send out another message with a new RSVP date saying you need to firm up numbers sooner than you thought.
I had no contact details of nursery friends, so it was always a knife edge of wondering if anyone would show up. If I had my time again, I would not have done nursery parties, for us things got a lot better when we started school.

SummerSimmer · 07/06/2023 20:01

Your DC not getting an invite to the other DC’s party and the RSVP thing are two separate things, you need to separate them in your mind. There will be many more instances when your DC doesn’t get an invite to something, it’s just how it is.
I wouldn’t cancel, if it comes to it one week before and you haven’t had an replies then chase a few up by text.

cyncope · 07/06/2023 20:02

5 weeks before the party is a long way in advance, and if they RSVP date still isn't for a couple of weeks then you're worrying too early.
Text anyone you haven't heard from after the RSVP by date to check if they're coming.

I'm a veteran of 10+ years worth of children's parties, so I now also text a reminder to everyone the day before saying "X can't wait to see Y at the party tomorrow" otherwise a percentage of people who have RSVP'd yes forget on the day Grin

Deadringer · 07/06/2023 20:02

People are woeful for replying, and some people will wait til nearer the time in case they decide to go away or get a family invitation to something. If you have their number I would set up a party WhatsApp group about a week before the party and ask people if they are coming.

Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 20:06

Thank you for reassuring and lots of advice!

OP posts:
Original poster
HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 20:07

EarthlyNightshade · 07/06/2023 19:58

You could send out another message with a new RSVP date saying you need to firm up numbers sooner than you thought.
I had no contact details of nursery friends, so it was always a knife edge of wondering if anyone would show up. If I had my time again, I would not have done nursery parties, for us things got a lot better when we started school.

This is what my DH says, that we should have done something else. But our DC has started to talk about the party half a year ago non stop.

OP posts:
SgtCawood · 07/06/2023 20:08

If you’ve got some phone numbers for parents, add them to a WhatsApp group - “XX’s party”. Screenshot the invite and send it on there with a message to say “hello, XX is looking forward to their party on xx date. Let us know if you can make it”.
Most of the parties round our way are all organised on WhatsApp and it’s absolutely fine to give people a nudge.

DontBePassiveAggresive · 07/06/2023 20:11

Don't panic yet you will get replies around the date of the RSVP and a few late stragglers. The party isn't as important to them as it is to you.

If you're really worried invite some more closer to the time but don't cancel it!

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 07/06/2023 20:15

I guarantee that the responses will start rolling in right before the RSVP cut off.

Experience has taught me to make sure to leave plenty of time between this date and the party day but it’s still really stressful waiting for the replies.

Before I clued onto this I even had people rsvp when they were on the bus on the way to the party!! I find it all so rude so really make an effort to respond to kids party invitations the minute they’re brought home.

Hope your DC has a lovely party.

BocolateChiscuits · 07/06/2023 20:21

I don't think people put a lot of thought into who to invite to young kids' parties or which kids' party to go to, so please don't think you've done anything wrong. You sound great.

I agree with chasing. Plus, buy extra party bags. I hosted a kids' party recently - some people RSVP'd the day before, and one on the day. Luckily I had the space, just was tight on party bags.

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