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Original poster

No replies to the party invites

90 replies

HmAndAh · 07/06/2023 17:46

I asked to handle out 15 invitations at my DC preschool a couple of weeks ago. The party is in three weeks. We received only one rsvp. My dc is really obsessed with a birthday party and so looking forward to it.

Today I overheard that my dc’s best friend is having a party in a week, and my DC is not invited. Other kids from the nursery are invited. I am not sure what we are doing wrong and what we can do to improve things. We moved to this small town a couple of years ago. I am from another country, my husband is not. Neither of us have problems with communicating in our usual circle, so I would not say that we are weird or rude.

I feel that we will need to cancel the party if only one child is coming otherwise it would be very awkward. Any suggestions welcome.

OP posts:
Hollyppp · 07/06/2023 20:53

Was there an RSVP date - has this now passed?

if no date given then you are being overly concerned and they will probably get in touch nearer the time or just turn up

whycantmenfindstuff · 07/06/2023 20:56

Follow up with a group whatsapp message

MMorales · 07/06/2023 21:04

Same here had 2 rsvp. One was 1 day before the party.

Though a couple had promised my daughter they would definitely be coming.

One texted 5 minutes before the party was due to start that they would be coming.

Another arrived and parent- texted me about 5 minutes after they had arrived to say the child would be coming.

2 didnt RSVP either to myself or my daughter. One kid said it was cos their parent had an iPhone and I had an android so they couldn't message.

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MMorales · 07/06/2023 21:06

In the end it was a great party and everyone had fun.

Just dont cancel the party.

I'm sure you'll start getting replies and if you dont them maybe send a reminder.

TheHandmaiden · 07/06/2023 21:12

It's a special kind of hell organising these things but give it a week before really concerning yourself

mindutopia · 07/06/2023 21:14

I think it’s a combination of two things: sending invites out very far in advance and not being super close with other parents.

At that age, because a parent has to attend/possibly find childcare for a sibling, it takes a bit more planning and sometimes people just don’t know what they’re doing yet in 6 weeks time. So they leave it til closer to the date before they give a definite answer. At that age, almost all RSVPs came the week before.

Also because people have to stay they tend to prioritise going to parties where they know they’ll have parent friends to talk to. If you are friends with many of the other parents, they may be waiting to see who else is going because they feel awkward not knowing anyone there or worrying about who they’ll talk to. Some people will just not RSVP if they aren’t comfortable they’ll know other parents. Now is a good time to start getting to know as many as possible and getting their numbers, then you can follow up but also they may feel more keen to say yes if they’re a bit introverted.

Gwlondon · 07/06/2023 21:25

I think ask the group. Then start texting people you know. Don’t worry. This stuff is a nightmare.

At school you need to figure out all the kids who have a birthday around the same time. Then ask the parents what they have planned and try and keep communicating. Sometimes I have done joint. Sometimes separate.

Try not to cancel. Invite some neighbours? Aunts and uncles. But you will have to chase people. There is no getting round it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/06/2023 21:29

You left rsvp too late if not for 2w and you want to know now

Maybe who you think is your best friend ain't if she didn't invite your child

Yes it's hard when your child doesn't get invited but some can't invite whole class /group

If you have numbers do message them and ask

Wannabedisneyprincess · 07/06/2023 21:35

Does your preschool have an app they use to communicate with parents? Ours does and occasionally when theres parties parents have asked them to put a generic message out to all parents asking them to check bags for invites and RSVP,

we seem to have clusters of parties, a couple in the space of a few weeks then none for a few months

fairywhale · 07/06/2023 22:07

It's so typical, people just don't want to commit till last minute and don't mind messing people around. You'll probably still get some replies with three weeks to go.
As for the best friend not inviting - some mums control their kids' friendships and pick their friends, so that happens quite a lot. This does their kid no favours whatsoever.
What you are saying about being foreign and that may be they are excluding you also happens a lot, there is a lot of snobbery.
2.5 weeks before the party just chase them up. It's not rude, lots of people do (most in fact)

LoveBluey · 07/06/2023 22:08

Agree with others that it's much too soon to worry or think about cancelling, especially as you have 2 weeks until rsvp date.

I do normally try to rsvp straight away but sometimes invitations go astray or I may need to wait until I've confirmed other plans before committing to a party. Always try to do it before the rsvp date though and I expect you'll get a fair few more responses over the next 2 weeks.

LoveBluey · 07/06/2023 22:11

fairywhale · 07/06/2023 22:07

It's so typical, people just don't want to commit till last minute and don't mind messing people around. You'll probably still get some replies with three weeks to go.
As for the best friend not inviting - some mums control their kids' friendships and pick their friends, so that happens quite a lot. This does their kid no favours whatsoever.
What you are saying about being foreign and that may be they are excluding you also happens a lot, there is a lot of snobbery.
2.5 weeks before the party just chase them up. It's not rude, lots of people do (most in fact)

See but I don't think it's messing people around to wait until closer to the rsvp date to respond. I would rather reply when I know for sure whether we can attend. Otherwise I would probably just have to reply no as I would hate to say yes and then change that to a no nearer the time.

HauntedPencil · 07/06/2023 22:16

I think you've maybe given them out a bit too far in advance - I usually go for three to four weeks max and the acceptances start coming in the last 2 weeks. Poeple can be really lax at getting back but it does get easier as they go up the school.

Ia there a what's app? I chase by text now. It really annoys me though I do get it.

Re him not being invited - they are so
Young it can all be a bit random who gets asked at this age. My sons have definitely said after their parties on more than one time I wish I'd asked x but I forgot etc.

Coulditreallybe · 09/06/2023 19:43

How’s it going @HmAndAh any replies x

Original poster
HmAndAh · 09/06/2023 21:52

Coulditreallybe · 09/06/2023 19:43

How’s it going @HmAndAh any replies x

Not a single one. DH says that a) we should not stress ourselves before the rsvp date; b) cancel if only one attendee, we have lots of suitable excuses.

OP posts:
inappropriateraspberry · 10/06/2023 07:56

As to not being invited to their parties, please take the higher ground. Keep inviting them if you child wants them there. Don't get petty about it - be an example to your child of how to behave properly, with grace and dignity.
There can be all sorts of reasons why your DC wasn't invited - limits on numbers (you don't know who they have invited outside of nursery), their party was earlier in the year before they knew your DC well etc, or just simply they are closer to some of the families from nursery.

MMorales · 10/06/2023 11:49

HmAndAh · 09/06/2023 21:52

Not a single one. DH says that a) we should not stress ourselves before the rsvp date; b) cancel if only one attendee, we have lots of suitable excuses.

Show quote history

I think it's best to send out some reminders this week.

Ceebeegee · 10/06/2023 11:53

I sympathise OP. We sent out 30 invites for our sons birthday party , only 14 RSVP'd. Two said they couldn't make it , 12 replied yes. Didn't heat from the rest.
On the day, not all the 12 families turned up, but some did who hadn't RSVPd at all .

Ceebeegee · 10/06/2023 11:55

Also , several kids that came to Ds party haven't invited him to theirs (seen their parties on Facebook) . So it's not just you!

OneLittleFinger · 10/06/2023 11:58

If you have some numbers set up a WhatsApp group and remind parents that way. Ask them to add any other parents from the class.

Hugasauras · 10/06/2023 11:58

Definitely follow up with parents. We had invites put in bags by nursery staff as usual but three kids never got theirs (or they never made it home!). I only found out by following up with parents just to check they had received, and all 3 were able to come to the party in the end. If I hadn't followed up they would never have known (or would have thought their kids had been left out on purpose!).

NoTouch · 10/06/2023 12:01

For a full "class" party type invite I would not commit/RSVP until the week before - in case something family etc came up. Worrying because you don't have replies 3 weeks in advance is expecting too much.

I usually sent invites out 3 weeks in advance asking for RSVPs one week in advance. Of course I would have liked to have known how many were coming earlier, but with 1-2, or even more class parties every month I accept they are not a priority for most people, they are something to do if nothing else happening!

MMorales · 16/06/2023 10:01

Did you send out any reminders in the end?

FernGully43 · 25/06/2023 20:44

Hope your DC got their party @HmAndAh

Original poster
HmAndAh · 25/06/2023 21:04

FernGully43 · 25/06/2023 20:44

Hope your DC got their party @HmAndAh

Thanks!
Actually it is next week, but today was rsvp date. Got six 'Yes', three 'no', six no reply at the end. Begged cousins and neighbours to come in the meantime, so overall looks like 11 kids in total.

OP posts: