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Original poster

Father has headstone up but he's not dead.

110 replies

bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 15:24

I kid you not, this is not a wind up!

My Father is in his early 70s and had his funeral arranged for about 8 years I'd say. It's all booked and paid for, just waiting for the day to come, as he puts it.

He says he doesn't want to leave the burden/finance for someone else to pick up. All I have to do is ring the funeral directors and tell them and they will see to rest.

However, he's now gone one step ahead and has had his head stone put up in the cemetery, complete with writing on, apart from the year of death of course.

AIBU to thing this is possibly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard?

Different strokes for different folks, but jeez he takes the biscuit!

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 07/06/2023 15:25

No yanbu this is one of the most bizarre things I've heard of too. Does it have his name on it?

twoandcooplease · 07/06/2023 15:26

I mean it's normal buying the plot but the headstone is a bit much...

ZacharinaQuack · 07/06/2023 15:26

I believe this is normal in some cultures. My Chinese FIL took DP to visit his grave before he died! Think it had something on saying he wasn't dead yet.

Original poster
bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 15:28

twoandcooplease · 07/06/2023 15:25

No yanbu this is one of the most bizarre things I've heard of too. Does it have his name on it?

It's got everything on it apart from the death date. It's bloody ridiculous! It's like he boasts about it, he's not right!

OP posts:
BabbleBee · 07/06/2023 15:28

My grandmother died a few years ago, she has one plot and my grandfather has the plot beside her. I think he must’ve got a good deal from the stone masons as he’s had his headstone put there already. Grandmother died over 10 years ago and he’s still going strong so it’ll need cleaning / restoring soon!

Original poster
bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 15:30

BabbleBee · 07/06/2023 15:28

My grandmother died a few years ago, she has one plot and my grandfather has the plot beside her. I think he must’ve got a good deal from the stone masons as he’s had his headstone put there already. Grandmother died over 10 years ago and he’s still going strong so it’ll need cleaning / restoring soon!

I get the buying the plot if you want to be somewhere specific or want to be together with someone but I believe the headstone and writing on it is just a bit much.

OP posts:
Unfairestofthemall · 07/06/2023 15:31

I thought you meant like up in the living room.
No it's not normal but it's nice he's prepared and has done everything he can to make his passing easier for everyone I guess

Hugasauras · 07/06/2023 15:31

It sort of makes sense in a weird way! He's paid all that money so wants to see it in situ Grin It's nice that he wants it all to be taken care of too, what a nice thing to do for his family.

Weal · 07/06/2023 15:31

It’s a bit unusual but when you think about it, it’s just one step on from organising the rest of his funeral. Sounds like he’s been very thoughtful. My parents have given no thought to theirs, no money for it and not prepped for their old age/death anyway. Your dad sounds the opposite. At least you know he has what he wants.

adriftinadenofvipers · 07/06/2023 15:31

An aunt and uncle did this. Their plot backed onto my parents' one. They just put the surname on the headstone. We all thought it was quite bizarre!

WetBandits · 07/06/2023 15:31

This is bonkers, I love it 😂

MogsEgg · 07/06/2023 15:32

I thought they couldn't lay the headstone for a certain amount of time after burial?
And won't it need to be taken away to have the year engraved?

Weal · 07/06/2023 15:32

Is it possible he’s unwell and likely to pass soon?

watcherintherye · 07/06/2023 15:32

Has he put the inscription he wants - beloved father, sadly missed…. etc.?

SkaneTos · 07/06/2023 15:32

I have seen this sometimes, but it is usually when one spouse is already dead, so the headstone is made for the spouse, and you put the living spouse's name on there too, like this:
Mary Smith 1950 - 2022
John Smith 1949 -

If it gives your father peace of mind to have everything arranged, I think it's a good thing.

BasiliskStare · 07/06/2023 15:34

Well like @MogsEgg - I thought you could not put the headstone up in situ for a while because of the ground settling - but I may wrong and missing the point here.

Original poster
bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 15:35

SkaneTos · 07/06/2023 15:32

I have seen this sometimes, but it is usually when one spouse is already dead, so the headstone is made for the spouse, and you put the living spouse's name on there too, like this:
Mary Smith 1950 - 2022
John Smith 1949 -

If it gives your father peace of mind to have everything arranged, I think it's a good thing.

This is a single plot grave. I haven't been to see it but I have been shown a photo of it and I was quite annoyed as I didn't want to see it. He often visits it to ensure everything is as it should be up the cemetery, whatever that is meant to mean.

OP posts:
SeeingSpots · 07/06/2023 15:35

I don't think it's that weird when you think about it. Certainly no different to adding names onto an existing headstone in preparation and that's pretty common.

I think it's fantastic he's thought it all through and made all the arrangements so practical and sensible, more people should take his approach.

Original poster
bumpercarbarry · 07/06/2023 15:36

Weal · 07/06/2023 15:32

Is it possible he’s unwell and likely to pass soon?

No, this isn't the case.

OP posts:
Jeannieofthelamp · 07/06/2023 15:36

I think it's great that your father is so comfortable with the prospect of his own death, my own elderly parents take the opposite view and refuse to discuss their wishes on principle ("funerals are for the living, we don't care what you do") which I think they think is helpful but I know will make life harder for us when the time comes. You should be proud of him!

Izzabird · 07/06/2023 15:36

SkaneTos · 07/06/2023 15:32

I have seen this sometimes, but it is usually when one spouse is already dead, so the headstone is made for the spouse, and you put the living spouse's name on there too, like this:
Mary Smith 1950 - 2022
John Smith 1949 -

If it gives your father peace of mind to have everything arranged, I think it's a good thing.

Yes, I don't think it's wildly unusual, especially with family plots.

I know a great-aunt in my mother's family did it after her mother died in the 'Spanish flu' pandemic of 1918-9, and, because the whole family was ill and not able to organise the funeral, was buried in the wrong grave (same surname, same graveyard, wrong plot). Her daughter had her exhumed and reburied when she recovered, and at the same time added her own name to the headstone minus the date of death.

FadedRed · 07/06/2023 15:37

It’s not uncommon in some countries, e.g. USA, especially where families have a large family plot or mausoleum. Not usual in the UK though, but given the cost of a plot and and a headstone, I suppose it’s not unreasonable for your father to want to see what he’s paid for!

Ihaveshitfriends · 07/06/2023 15:50

on my road a group of retired men got together and made their own coffins. I think several of them also bought plots and headstones at the same time. Struck me as very sensible.

MrsMiddleMother · 07/06/2023 15:52

It is unusual but I actually find it quite sweet that he has organised everything, even his own headstone so not to put the burden on family. And the upkeep etc will keep him busy so just at it as an unusual hobby

GalileoHumpkins · 07/06/2023 15:55

I thought you had to wait a few months before you could have a headstone?

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