Father has headstone up but he's not dead.

[bumpercarbarry]

I kid you not, this is not a wind up!

My Father is in his early 70s and had his funeral arranged for about 8 years I'd say. It's all booked and paid for, just waiting for the day to come, as he puts it.

He says he doesn't want to leave the burden/finance for someone else to pick up. All I have to do is ring the funeral directors and tell them and they will see to rest.

However, he's now gone one step ahead and has had his head stone put up in the cemetery, complete with writing on, apart from the year of death of course.

AIBU to thing this is possibly the most bizarre thing I've ever heard?

Different strokes for different folks, but jeez he takes the biscuit!

Anxiety? It sounds like anxious behaviour, trying to feel in control of something he fears.

Given inflation this could be a move you are later very grateful for!

Bizarre though.

This has given me a much needed laugh!

The very idea of taking it to this extreme is hilarious. I’ve told DO I want the cheapest possible cremation with no added extras or even a ceremony.

DP not DO!

@SkaneTos I know a couple that did this... unfortunately, he remarried after she died. This caused some confusion as to what to do about the headstone!

Yes, I can see how that would lead to some confusion!

I am surprised that he was allowed to have it placed there, or that there is someone prepared to do the necessary engraving.

🤣🤣🤣 I didn't even know you could do this though it will have to come down in order to be dug under & properly carved with his date of death ( unless he thinks they'll just sit on his grave/coffin after he's been slotted in & start engraving away ?

Has he been to look at it much ? Just wondering if it's a sort of emotional fillingness to seeing exactly how he'll be viewed (post death)

& out of curiosity is he single/widowed/divorced?

I've known people get their stone carved "in advance" so they can have exactly what they want so that's NBU but setting it up is wierd.

It seems bizarre to me but maybe it gives him some comfort to be able to see exactly how his grave and headstone will look. Probably best not to mention to him that if he lives a while longer, the headstone graving will be quite weathered so his name and date of death will contrast with it.

He'll probably have all the writing all cleaned up and made like new before he pegs it knowing him.

I'm glad I'm not the only one laughing at how mad this is - and not that uncommon it would seem 🤔

My mum had her funeral planned out. She had cancer and throughout covid changed it with every change of rule 🫣

Then when she sadly finally passed away last year and all 100 people who wanted to turn up could we thought we'd cracked it.

Until we went to the wrong plot to scatter her ashes because they re all numbered but are N,S, E and W. So she's not resented where she told my dad her plot was 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

🤣😂 thanks for the laugh op, I bet you anything he lives beyond 100 now.

Re "I just think you're a long time dead, why would you want to keep going up there and visiting it and dusting it off" - well I wouldn't want the upkeep myself! However, I love graveyards and find them very peaceful. I could see the appeal in finding the spot I'll be in and finding some comfort from it.

No more bonkers than my old neighbour booking a memorial service for himself including sending out invitations!

He then realised he wasn't dead and cancelled (whole other story).

He was still driving at this point 😬

When did they stop removing them before the next burial? 11 years ago we had to pay for it to be taken off then it had to be stored for 6 months before we then paid to have it put back on again

😂I simply don’t understand how one cannot realise that one is not yet dead?!?!?

Dementia I'd think

I totally agree. @bumpercarbarry your father sounds ace!

He's very organised ;-). My granddad's wife took pictures of him once he was dead as well as of the grave during the funeral and displayed them on their dining room table.

TBH I think this is rather charming (and sensible).

But instead of leaving the end date blank he should put 'best before' and then nothing and leave passersby squinting at it a bit like you do on a tuna tin where you can't quite see the date.

(Honestly- I like the idea quite alot. I do not like not knowing where I will end my days so can see myself doing something similar. My maternal GPs bought plots next to theirs for their children. My mother was furious because she wants to be buried next to my dad, but I know the other siblings were all for it).

Yes. That's why this is such a silly story.

Yup.

People used to do this with the big tombs you see in churches. It meant they could control what their memorial looked like. Leave it to your family/executors and they would be in charge of the design not you or, worse, they might never get round to having one made.

Bizarre but thoughtful in his mind. However, Curious.... Haven't funeral expenses gone up in 8yrs!!??