How to answer baby group questions tactfully?

[Moreismores]

DD is 4 months and she is our first baby. Since she was 4 weeks old we have attended various classes and groups and developed a really strong and varied network of ‘mum friends’

The issue I am currently facing is that out of all the various groups and friendship circles DD seems to be the ‘best’ in terms of sleep, development - you name it. It’s becoming awkward when people ask ‘oh so how much sleep did you get last night’ after moaning they got 1.5 hours, I obviously don’t want to reply honestly with ‘12 hours’ but also don’t want to lie.

same happens when discussing our birthing journeys, they all regale everyone with how they nearly died, lost loads of blood, emergency operations, 4th degree tears, it’s then awkward when it comes to me to share and my elective section was perfect, I was fully healed in a week and honestly it was the best decision I think I could have made.

Its making me dread meeting up, as it’s hard to navigate being open, honest and vulnerable with also not wanting to seem like I’m gloating or showing off. I need these meet ups as I get so lonely but I hate navigating the questions, at first a ‘oh she was ok last night’ would suffice but now we are all closer and more open people probe more, sometimes for advice, but I often feel uncomfortable being honest when you clearly have an ‘easier’ time of it than everyone else around you.

Does anyone have any advice in terms of how to navigate this?

Have they actually commented, or do you feel self conscious about it?

DS was and still is a terrible sleeper. Meanwhile I knew a couple of mums whose children slept through from a few weeks old. If anything, it reassured me that it’s not what I’m doing but just the nature of the babies. I certainly didn’t feel jealous or feel like they were boasting.

Misery loves company, right? If you feel ostracized find another group.
Like you, I was fairly lucky with an easy baby. I definitely had a struggle with awake/asleep/awake/asleep night feeds, but napped when baby did and felt ok. Recovered easily from c-section. Again, lucky.
If they're complaining just remember it's not that you are doing things right and them wrong. Just listen, be supportive, don't offer advice, and say "I'm lucky and enjoying it while I can." 😊

So you just don't go on and on and on about it. You can smile and commiserate and just say as PP suggest.
My first baby was a good sleeper too. A late walker though. We had kids who could hold their heads up at six weeks and one child walked at nine months (it looked kinda bizarre she was little too). Others had bad reflux and seemed to cry non stop (that would be my second).
It's natural to compare, but as long as you aren't smug about it I'm sure they will be pleased for you if anything.

When my baby was little my closest NCT friend had an absolute dream baby - he slept for 12 hours (and still does 🙃), was smiley and joyful and so cute.

My DD was gorgeous but a little ratbag who cried unless she was cuddling me! My friend used to say a vague 'Oh, he slept well last night' if she was asked, as though it was a one-off.

One thing she did do was to sometimes take my DD for a walk so I could have a snooze and I was so grateful! Is that sometime you could volunteer?