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Original poster

Bit worried about DD (18)

117 replies

ladydiggins · 30/05/2023 14:58

DD went out to her friend's 18th birthday celebrations last night. I think the group all had too much to drink - and DD had a falling out with one in particular. During the argument, DD pushed this other girl lightly. No harm done, no one was hurt or fell over or anything like that. Upshot is today, other lass is threatening to report DD to the police. DD is now worried sick of course - she's normally a reserved type of person and has never been in trouble for anything before - never mind anything like this. Any advice? Are we likely to get a visit from the police over this? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Summerfun2023 · 01/06/2023 19:15

I can't help but feel that her ex friend is being hurtful and spiteful because she didn't get what she wanted.

Successstory82 · 01/06/2023 19:17

Summerfun2023 · 01/06/2023 19:11

She doesn't have to say anything she can give a no comment. I think it would be in her best interests to tell them what happened.

Show quote history

No comment is different to “deny everything” 😐

Summerfun2023 · 01/06/2023 19:21

I had a similar argument when I was that age. One girl wanted to go home and the other wanted her to stay at her house. Anyway this went on and in the end I told her to leave her alone and let her go home if that's what she wanted in an argumentative way. She pulled hair in the end. I wouldn't dream of running to the police to report her.

Original poster

ladydiggins · 01/06/2023 19:44

Have had another talk with DD and I am satisfied with what she can remember about this. Not much tbf - but she does remember giving A a slight push to try and get her to leave her and B alone.

There is no question of denial of this (or trying to get others to lie for her.)

I also know my own DD (who has been a model of good behaviour all of her life to date) and she genuinely wouldnt hurt a fly under normal circs. She feels awful about all of it. I'm trying to get her to focus on what is really important right now.

Have left a message with the solicitor contact, so hopefully I will get to speak with him first thing. Advice is paramount here.

OP posts:

beachcitygirl · 01/06/2023 20:20

@Successstory82 it's no secret on here that I've a big family. 5 sisters & 2 brothers.
That ok with you Nancy Drew 🤣🤣🤣

kirinm · 01/06/2023 20:20

MargaretThursday · 01/06/2023 17:16

A shove does count as assault and the police do sometimes act.

Dh is a street pastor, and there was an argument, (verbal), and he asked them both to go home and one of them shoved him. He fell against a car, but no damage to either, and the police arrested the chap (Dh said he'd never seen so many police descending at once, and felt a bit sorry for him as he wasn't the aggressor in the argument) and classified it as an assault.
The person was charged.

They also classified it as an assault when some silly kids decided to throw a McDs cup of coke from the top of the local multi-storey and it landed near me. I only told them because they were throwing more stuff and I thought if it hit someone more vulnerable than me, then it could have been serious.
To my surprise the police took it seriously enough that I even had a follow up call from a police lady who was asking if I needed to be put in contact with victim support. I was faintly spattered with coke on a nice warm day. It wasn't really that bad.

So take it as a lesson, silliness can be seen as assault, even without malice.

I'd expect the police to be involved with someone throwing things from height where people are walking below - that's not the same as a shove.

The shoving incident you mention doesn't really align with this either. Arguably being thrown against a car is really aggressive and they weren't 18 year old drunk girls.

Smineusername · 01/06/2023 20:22

Honestly if she admits to putting hands on her she will get a caution. That caution will stay on her record for 10 years, forever if she works in a field that requires an enhanced check (education etc). She will have to explain it to future employers.

Do not for one second believe that the cops will choose to turn a blind eye because she's young/previous good character/your special child. They will not. She will be treated the same as absolutely anyone else who admits assault.

Do not be so foolish and naive as to encourage her to admit to the cops putting her hands on anyone. She was stupid to have done it but she doesn't need a criminal record as a result. At the very least she should exercise her right to give no comment.

Nowanextraone · 01/06/2023 20:43

No, she doesn't have to accept a caution. I wish I had known this.
The police can then choose whether to refer it to the CPS or not.
Google it - there's lots of advice about not accepting one.

MyMagicStars · 03/06/2023 00:14

Any news about DD, @ladydiggins ?

Original poster

ladydiggins · 06/06/2023 09:00

I will update as soon as I can. Things have moved on somewhat but I'm concerned about outing here. Bear with me please

OP posts:

Whataretheodds · 06/06/2023 09:07

Successstory82 · 01/06/2023 15:31

Could you clarify the “imaginary scenario” ?

Show quote history

'She must have evidence of injury'
'She must have witnesses'
She already shaping up to be “that drunk” in the group)

MyMagicStars · 08/06/2023 20:35

ladydiggins · 06/06/2023 09:00

I will update as soon as I can. Things have moved on somewhat but I'm concerned about outing here. Bear with me please

No worries at all- I keep thinking about your DD as mine were that age not too long ago and could have easily been in similar- sending a hug.

Original poster

ladydiggins · 09/06/2023 16:25

Thanks MyMagicStars. Very kind.

I can confirm there has been a report made to the police. But we have not heard from them as yet. Other things are also afoot which I can't really mention right now.

OP posts:

Freefall212 · 09/06/2023 16:57

Given this has become a legal case, you should be very careful as to what you say online.

MyMagicStars · 11/06/2023 21:27

Thank you for the update- I don’t know if you’re religious or not but will keep you and DD in my prayers.

Original poster

ladydiggins · 22/11/2024 19:39

To add (after all this time!) that nothing ever came of any of this. A call came through from a v bored sounding police officer. Eventually. Made some noises about visiting the house and speaking to DD.

Turns out they were too busy after me chasing them. Another police officer in a further call made chuntering noises about a community order/written apology from DD - but nothing ever came back about that. Unbearably stressful all round in the middle of A-levels.

Anyway, she got into Uni last year and is now happily in her second year. All going well.

During this summer holiday she got a job as an assistant manager in a local charity shop - a DBS check was done and it was 100% clear. Such a relief, as I was worried something would be sitting in the background.

Appreciate all the comments and I am so pleased to update with a good outcome. Sorry its taken so long

OP posts:

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/11/2024 10:05

What a huge relief for you and her.
I'm so glad to hear this.

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