Bit worried about DD (18)

[ladydiggins]

DD went out to her friend's 18th birthday celebrations last night. I think the group all had too much to drink - and DD had a falling out with one in particular. During the argument, DD pushed this other girl lightly. No harm done, no one was hurt or fell over or anything like that. Upshot is today, other lass is threatening to report DD to the police. DD is now worried sick of course - she's normally a reserved type of person and has never been in trouble for anything before - never mind anything like this. Any advice? Are we likely to get a visit from the police over this? Thanks in advance.

She said in a previous post that she was being mean to the birthday girl.

They won't do anything they will speak to her she tells them they were all drunk and an argument started. They will talk to her about drinking and self control and they will talk to the other girl as well.

Yes but contradicts follow up post where she says she doesn’t know and can only assume because a couple split up

Although she pushed her it doesn't make her a threat to the public. Tell her to tell the truth from start to finish. Hopefully, they will use their better judgement.

The only thing I can think of that a 'couple' in the group split up late last week and 'sides' have been taken there. Other than that - nothing/nada/rien.

I do not know the girl myself - other than she goes to same 6th Form College as DD & is part of

a bit more than that Op. your daughter had spent the night at the girl’s house a few times and you’d collected

a bit more than that Op. your daughter had spent the night at the girl’s house a few times and you’d collected

They were friends before that and it's not that hard to work out whats happened.

This ⬆️
She should make no comment and certainly not accept a caution .

If it was just a shove then it’s a huge over reaction considering they were having an argument. I don’t mean that shoving is ok but to get the police involved seems very reactionary to a shove (rather than a hard push that resulted in bruising or a nasty fall). I once poured a jug of milk over a man’s head because he was being so obnoxious, if that happened today I’d probably get a call from the police 😬 OP are you sure there isn’t more to this?

Um... I wouldn't admit to the cops that she pushed her tbh. If she does they will give her a formal caution and she will have to disclose it for years when applying for jobs etc

I would go with the earlier poster - we had all had a bit to drink and I don't really remember what happened. I would even deny pushing her tbh.

I don't personally know the girl or her parents - have just waited outside their house for a couple of picks up. (Its not like when they were younger teens and us parents arranged things amongst each other for sleepovers etc.) Once DD got to 6th Form all that pretty much stopped.

Have spoken to DD and got a bit more background. About why they were arguing. The girl (A) was trying to get 18th birthday girl (B) to go home with her (they are nearish neighbours.) B didn't want to go home however, and DD was involved as she was staying at B's (pre-arranged.) That's when things got heated twixt A and DD I gather - and when DD pushed A away from badgering B. All DD can really remember is that A wasn't being very nice to B about trying to 'persuade' her to leave her own birthday night out. I am guessing here, but maybe DD thought she was sticking up for her best friend, albeit misguidedly and drunkenly.

I am wondering whether to try and contact A's parents first off.

Don't contact the parents. It's been reported so the police will have to investigate regardless. Get your daughter to deny everything.

I’ve no doubt your daughter did push this girl, but if, as you say, everyone was intoxicated, then no one’s account can be trusted as accurate and I’d be shocked if the police gave the report the time of day. If they do, then my understanding is that if offered “a caution”, she should not accept it. As it will go on her record. (I think).

Do you not 'have' to accept a caution then? How would that work?

A friend has given me a number for a solicitor she thinks might be able to provide some advice/an overview, so I will contact them.

A shove does count as assault and the police do sometimes act.

Dh is a street pastor, and there was an argument, (verbal), and he asked them both to go home and one of them shoved him. He fell against a car, but no damage to either, and the police arrested the chap (Dh said he'd never seen so many police descending at once, and felt a bit sorry for him as he wasn't the aggressor in the argument) and classified it as an assault.
The person was charged.

They also classified it as an assault when some silly kids decided to throw a McDs cup of coke from the top of the local multi-storey and it landed near me. I only told them because they were throwing more stuff and I thought if it hit someone more vulnerable than me, then it could have been serious.
To my surprise the police took it seriously enough that I even had a follow up call from a police lady who was asking if I needed to be put in contact with victim support. I was faintly spattered with coke on a nice warm day. It wasn't really that bad.

So take it as a lesson, silliness can be seen as assault, even without malice.

Unless there are witnesses or filing t he it’s her word against your daughter , I would report her back .

If she hasn't already, get your daughter to write down everything she can remember. The other girl is probably aware that the extra stress will be making revision difficult for your daughter. She needs to try and forget about this and focus on her exams.

What for?

and presumably many witnesses given they were at a party

So lie to the police?

and unless the witnesses also lie, then that will be very clearly shown to be a lie and put the DD in a particularly bad light.

plus her friends will feel pissed off they were put in to the position of having to either lie to the police or confirm that she’s lying

@Successstory82 my sister a criminal lawyer in scotland. Happened to be with her earlier. Was saying how awful it was & how worrying for OP.

Absolutely 100% this. IF it gets that far, which I highly doubt it will, do NOT accept the caution.
I learnt this the hard way. 20 years ago, as a usually quiet, hard working, straight A student, I got drunk, and had an argument with my then boyfriend about 2am after being in a night club. The police were hanging around, we carried on arguing and the police got out their car. I stupidly didn't pipe down, and got a caution for drunk and disorderly. Went into a medical profession and had to confess this for DBS checks for a lot of years!! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ Until they decided crimes like that could be filtered from the DBS checks.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was then told by various police snd solicitors that I should have refused the caution and let it go to court, because it wouldn't have done. As basically all I was doing was arguing with my boyfriend 🤦🏼‍♀️
Instead, the girl who never got in trouble before for anything at school or anywhere else, I gratefully accepted the caution thinking I got off lightly 🤦🏼‍♀️

My sister is an overworked hospital a&e nurse and is in agreement. My other sister a primary school teacher who also agrees.

so one of them has had a sudden career change in the last week @beachcitygirl ?

@Successstory82 we are still waiting to hear. They have said it may just be an apology to the boy. Even the inspector at the time said it was crazy that it was t just dealt with at school. It really isn't a police matter

www.defencesolicitor.net/assault

Have a look at this. Looks like she'd have to say it was in self defence or in defence of another - ie the friend who was being hassled by the victim of the pushing. What prompted the pushing? Was it to defend her friend who she thought was being threatened in some way?

She doesn't have to say anything she can give a no comment. I think it would be in her best interests to tell them what happened.