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Original poster

Why does my friend not seem to want me to lose weight?

89 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 22/05/2023 21:48

I have lost a bit of weight recently. About 24lbs so far and have another stone to lose. I feel so much better, my knees don't ache, my hips don't ache and I just generally feel much more healthy and positive all round. All great.

Except my work friend is constantly making digs at me. Constantly leaving biscuits and cakes on my desk at work and generally being a bit bitchy behind my back (so I've heard). She's told me I've lost too much. I absolutely haven't and I'm still overweight and if I do lose another stone I'll probably still be slightly overweight then, so I'm hardly fading away. I don't talk about trying to lose weight, I never bring it up because it always pisses me off when people go on about it, so I don't.

She's not jealous, I'm sure of that because she's tall, very slim and really quite glamorous so why would she not want to support me? I've no idea why she seems to be sabotaging my weight loss.

OP posts:
AHelpfulHand · 22/05/2023 21:51

Friends do this a lot, I’ve no idea why though

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 22/05/2023 21:51

Envy..

Landndialamrhf · 22/05/2023 21:52

It’s not about you
it’s about her
ignore her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management
ANewAdventure · 22/05/2023 21:53

It happens a lot. I’m very overweight, every time I get my act together I get the concern “oh you shouldn’t starve yourself” (I don’t), “aren’t you losing it too quickly?”, “oh treat yourself”.

I think people, consciously or not, like having someone to look down on. The fat friend is a safe friend.

HouseWonders · 22/05/2023 21:53

She's not jealous, I'm sure of that because she's tall, very slim and really quite glamorous so why would she not want to support me?

She doesn't want you to be slim and glamorous - shes feeling threatened by your weight loss and is trying to sabotage it.

A good friend wouldn't behave like that.

Well done for taking care of your health 🙂 don't let her stop you!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/05/2023 21:54

I agree it is envy or maybe even jealousy if she thinks that if you become slim her own reputation/ popularity/ standing at work will be impacted. She probably felt better framing herself as the glamorous one and you as the frumpy one and can’t bear to see you becoming more confident in yourself. It doesn’t sound like she is really a very good friend.

PenelopeTheShroudWeaver · 22/05/2023 21:54

Sorry OP but your "friend" is not a friend, otherwise she would be happy for you and supporting your wellbeing journey.

You mention she is slim and glamorous, could it be that she is used to being "the attractive one" ( in her own eyes) and doesn't want you to steal some of the attention away from her?

You sound like you're doing really well, don't let negative people drag you down and keep looking after yourself OP 💐

Whydoesnothingwork · 22/05/2023 21:55

Well done! How have you done it?

GeriKellmansUpdo · 22/05/2023 21:58

This is quite common. I have lost a bit of weight recently - not as much as you- and am constantly besieged by friends wanting me to indulge " no need to be a hermit", "life is for living" and so on. Most of them are overweight themselves but have given up the battle.

Farmageddon · 22/05/2023 21:59

Well done OP, keep going an ignore your 'friend'.

She may not be jealous in the traditional sense, but she sounds threatened by you changing. As in, she wants to keep you in the 'fat friend' box so she can look down on you and feel better about herself, and you are challenging that. Sad but not uncommon.

Tigertigertigertiger · 22/05/2023 21:59

Tell us how you did it !

Danielle9891 · 22/05/2023 21:59

Well done. I'm really struggling to lose weight at the moment and know how hard it is. As for your 'friend' she seems bitter, twisted and jealous.
I will never get why some people cannot be happy for someone else's success.

Sorryyoufeelthatwayy · 22/05/2023 22:00

She wants you to stay the “fat friend” so she can be top dog in her small mind. Like Regina George lol

Well done btw!

ShandaLear · 22/05/2023 22:02

Your friend likes being the ‘hot’ friend and doesn’t want you to get all the attention.

AtlasSeven · 22/05/2023 22:03

Maybe she’s subconsciously thinking that having a fat person nearby makes her look even slimmer and even more glamorous.
Or she’s worried that you’ll be competition if you’re also slim and glamorous.

Well done on your weight loss.

IncompleteSenten · 22/05/2023 22:04

You're the 'fat friend'. The one she looks at and feels better than.

You are changing that and she doesn't like it. She is the slim (no doubt thinking of it as 'pretty' too 🙄) one not you. Others in the office might not think she looks so much better than you any more.

I know the type. She's not any sort of friend to you.

When she leaves snacks on your desk give them back to her, put them in the kitchen or drop them in your bin.

2bazookas · 22/05/2023 22:23

Don't let her keep doing it.

Tell her, ONCE, "My weight is my business and your comments about it are intrusive and inappropriate. So if you keep doing it, you know you'll be giving offence. "

Don't sugar coat it. She needs to know how it feels when a friend criticises her.

Notaposhette · 22/05/2023 22:39

Well done! At the moment your colleague feels superior to you looks wise. If you lose more weight and look as good then she has competition. Women can be chappy to other women. I need to lose about 3 stone. A colleague of mine has been trying to lose weight and today I said that she looked like she'd lost some. Her face brightened. I haven't lost any but haven't been trying that hard but I still complimented her. Your colleague is a batch. Pass back the biscuits and carry on.

Notaposhette · 22/05/2023 22:40

Not a batch, but it's autocorrected the other word. You get what I mean though! Pass the batch of biscuits back to the b itch!

EbonyRaven · 22/05/2023 22:42

As others have said, she is threatened and jealous and trying to sabotage your weight loss as she is afraid you will look better than her.

That's basically it sadly. Well done on what you have achieved so far btw! Smile

BBNoM · 22/05/2023 22:43

Jealousy. Ignore her and enjoy your weight loss!

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 22/05/2023 22:46

Whydoesnothingwork · 22/05/2023 21:55

Well done! How have you done it?

Basically portion control. I realised that my meals were huge and my plate really didn't need to be overflowing, and trying to stop eating when I'm full. I'm quite greedy and often eat just for the sake of it, even when I'm not actually hungry.

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 22/05/2023 22:47

I think she actually likes me being the 'fat friend' as some of you have said. I feel like she's waiting for me to fail.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 22/05/2023 22:50

She doesn’t like that you’re no
longer the fat friend. If you can resist it I’d keep the sabotaging snacks on my desk FOREVER!

ReallyShouldBeDoingSomethingElse · 22/05/2023 22:52

She's not jealous, I'm sure of that because she's tall, very slim and really quite glamorous so why would she not want to support me?

Because she is the slim glamorous one and feels threatened that you might end up more attractive than her.