Why does my friend not seem to want me to lose weight?

[WillowtreeHouse]

I have lost a bit of weight recently. About 24lbs so far and have another stone to lose. I feel so much better, my knees don't ache, my hips don't ache and I just generally feel much more healthy and positive all round. All great.

Except my work friend is constantly making digs at me. Constantly leaving biscuits and cakes on my desk at work and generally being a bit bitchy behind my back (so I've heard). She's told me I've lost too much. I absolutely haven't and I'm still overweight and if I do lose another stone I'll probably still be slightly overweight then, so I'm hardly fading away. I don't talk about trying to lose weight, I never bring it up because it always pisses me off when people go on about it, so I don't.

She's not jealous, I'm sure of that because she's tall, very slim and really quite glamorous so why would she not want to support me? I've no idea why she seems to be sabotaging my weight loss.

Firstly, well done, that's really impressive. I am trying to lose weight and it's so tough so you've done amazingly to lose so much and still be keeping it up.

I really don't think confronting your 'friend' is a good idea. Right now, I guarantee her reputation is steadily sinking at work because everyone can see she's being a cow to you. Satisfying an idea a it might seem, if she's prickly then it could massively backfire on you if she goes to hr or something.
I think you'd be far better to just make gentle comments so everyone knows what she's up to whilst trying to let everything just roll off you. You're doing great, the art of not giving a fuck will serve you much better. "Oh, someone's put a packet of biscuits on my desk again, I'll put these out for everyone to share" "have you lost something?" (The going through your bin was such mad batshittery I think you can go with the sideways head tilt, are you feeling ok? I'm worried about you, you're being rather erratic lately...

Rather shamefully, my sister in law can be like this too so often eat as much as I can when I am with her so that it winds her up even more. I actively enjoy her asking me how I managed to keep it all off; while I have a cheese burger in my mouth. I just smile and reach for more chips “lucky I guess”.

people save their calories for all sort of treats but this is what I save mine for!

Yes but someone’s health has nothing to do with anyone else, let alone a way to make themselves feel superior, any more than someone else’s fatness. It is weird that a person’s weight is viewed this way, yes.

Well done with your weight loss and health gains so far!

What your friend is doing is not unusual behaviour and it's not necessarily "jealousy" or consciously motivated. When a close friend or a family member changes in some way (it doesn't have to be body size, it can be a new hobby, a new relationship, a health issue, a decision to stop being the person who's always available for everyone else's needs, or loads of other things) it often destabilises people because something in their little world is different and it can take them time to get used to it. In that time, they might push back and resist and try to restore the previous situation - in your friend's case, dysfunctional feeding behaviour that I'm sure she'll be embarrassed about in the future to try to get you back to the "you" she recognises.

It's not funny and it must be really difficult to cope with day after day, and with it being someone at work it's that much harder to walk away. I hope you find a solution. Is there someone else at work with the authority to tell her that her behaviour is a problem and she needs to accept that your body size is none of her business?

Tell her 'friend' to stop putting food on her desk is not 'confronting' her.

It's just adult communication.

*Telling

This! I had the same with a “friend” once. It was laughable how threatened she was. Oh and she hated my new boyfriend sending flowers into work for me too. Complete fool. 😂

Trust me - her personality and character is extremely unattractive. Leave her behind and find friends who are in your corner cheering you on.

Not jealous,just doesn't want you to be in competition with her by the sound of it!

Some women are bitches like that. Some deliberately sabotage the diets of other women, simply because they don't want their "friends" to ever look as good as, or better, than themselves.

Depending on how many things she leaves on your desk in a day, either daily or twice weekly take a pic of it all, put it on Olio app and have someone collect it in your lunch break. Lots of people are feeling the pinch now even if they're working and most places of work also have people living nearby too. Your colleague can afford this extra food, it might annoy you less having to get rid of it if you know it's going to someone who can't afford to buy lunch that day. Turn her negative action into something positive.

Tell you what OP, lose several stone by telling the bitch to get to fuck.

She doesn't deserve your friendship.

If she leaves some cake on your desk, just throw it in the bin. Give her something to find! If she starts rooting through your bin again, say in a very loud voice ‘Don’t you think your behaviour is a little unhinged, searching through people’s bins?’ Get someone to collect loads of Mac Donald wrappers, crisp wrappers etc, and when she finds and comments on them say ‘I wanted you to find some treasure on your little hunt’

It is jealousy, unfortunately, and feeling threatened by the fact that you will be slim too, hence the sabotaging behavior.