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Original poster

Why does my friend not seem to want me to lose weight?

89 replies

WillowtreeHouse · 22/05/2023 21:48

I have lost a bit of weight recently. About 24lbs so far and have another stone to lose. I feel so much better, my knees don't ache, my hips don't ache and I just generally feel much more healthy and positive all round. All great.

Except my work friend is constantly making digs at me. Constantly leaving biscuits and cakes on my desk at work and generally being a bit bitchy behind my back (so I've heard). She's told me I've lost too much. I absolutely haven't and I'm still overweight and if I do lose another stone I'll probably still be slightly overweight then, so I'm hardly fading away. I don't talk about trying to lose weight, I never bring it up because it always pisses me off when people go on about it, so I don't.

She's not jealous, I'm sure of that because she's tall, very slim and really quite glamorous so why would she not want to support me? I've no idea why she seems to be sabotaging my weight loss.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 22/05/2023 22:55

She likes you being the fat work friend as you say

She really isn’t a friend though. Just replace that label with ‘colleague’ or possibly ‘crackers colleague’ and put distance between yourself and her at work and in your head

NewPinkJacket · 22/05/2023 22:55

Tell her to fuck off with leaving cakes and biscuits on your desk.

Don't be afraid to be rude about it.

Ask her if she'd leave a packet of fags on your desk if you were trying to give up smoking.

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 22/05/2023 22:55

But she's really attractive. Fat or thin I'm distinctly average!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Weight management
MsMandy · 22/05/2023 22:58

NewPinkJacket · 22/05/2023 22:55

Tell her to fuck off with leaving cakes and biscuits on your desk.

Don't be afraid to be rude about it.

Ask her if she'd leave a packet of fags on your desk if you were trying to give up smoking.

Exactly this.

007DoubleOSeven · 22/05/2023 23:01

I have a family member like this - and quick to sneak in some food shaming if you're not eating lettuce too - as everyone else said, it's about feeling superior to you.

Newestname002 · 23/05/2023 02:13

Well done @WillowtreeHouse - you're doing so well! This might actually get me to stir my stumps a bit and change back to my healthier eating and stop being such a couch potato.

I'm afraid your friend is feeling threatened by the way you're changing. Her fear is she'll no longer be seen as the attractive, slim queen bee, so she's trying to sabotage you. Good luck with your continued weight loss. 🌹

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 23/05/2023 02:22

She may well be jealous of you, or she may just like you as you are and is unsettled with you changing. It isn't necessarily malicious.

But you have to be brutally honest with her and tell her she is upsetting you and to stop it.

If she is being malicious then she knew she has been busted. If she genuinely likes you as you are then she will hopefully feel mortified and will stop.

Either way, dispose of the biscuits and snacks by putting them in the office kitchen with a "help yourself" sign.

Muddycob · 23/05/2023 02:33

Some get used to you looking a certain way and don't like change even if they aren't feeling envious, it can be like holding up a mirror to their own body image issues.

Also noticed that people try to sabotage dieting efforts as it makes it ok for them to eat junk if have company.

Weatherwax13 · 23/05/2023 02:40

I suspect she thinks you're far more attractive than you give yourself credit for and now she worries that you'll outshine her. She's insecure but that's not your problem!
I've lost 30lb myself this year and all the women I know have been pleased for me because they know I'm happy about it. Which is exactly as it should be.

JandalsAlways · 23/05/2023 02:45

Definitely jealous. There's no other reason. Bet you're more popular even though she's attractive and she's worried about it. Also not your friend BTW. Good on you and keep going!

echt · 23/05/2023 04:23

Well done on your weight loss, OP. Yep, the "friend" is jealous.

Is there any way you can just handball the gifts of food into a waste bin she will see, i.e. next to your desk? Smile

ruthieness · 23/05/2023 05:07

To go against the grain I wonder if she has always done this, but you didn’t notice?

suburbophobe · 23/05/2023 05:13

She's not your friend.

Friends support each other.

Maybe time to look for another job...?

Anyway, well done on your weight loss. You go girl! and fuck that bitch right outofyourlife

Silverparting · 23/05/2023 05:53

I had a friend like this. I could see her getting agitated when I wouldn't succumb to all the tempting snacks she tried to feed me at hers. Once, she literally tried to insert crisps into my mouth FFS.

Original poster
WillowtreeHouse · 23/05/2023 06:05

I put the snacks etc in our staff room with a 'help yourself' sign so I know she can see them. She's very quick with her 'oh look who's fallen off the waggon' comments if I eat something that she considers 'naughty'. I haven't really changed what I eat I'm just eating less of it so I'll still have a biscuit if I want one. She was in my bin last week looking for wrappers.

I'm not changing my job, she just needs to stop, so I guess it's time for a frank conversation. She can be a bit prickly sometimes so in not looking forward to that.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 23/05/2023 06:07

You've been the fat friend, the one who makes her look good (in her own mind) and thus feel good about herself.

Now that notion is being turned on its head and she has no idea what to do with her 'status' being challenged.

I had the same with a sister when I started losing weight, bought me a giant easter egg when years previous had never bothered. I gave it to her kids and kept a small bar 😉

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 23/05/2023 06:13

Have you considered logging what she is doing and reporting her for workplace bullying? Her behaviour is wholly inappropriate.

ChaToilLeam · 23/05/2023 06:18

She’s not a friend. Not at all. Unfortunately some people in our lives are invested in keeping us the way we were, “in our place”. She clearly doesn’t think of you as a real friend or she wouldn’t be sabotaging and bitching.

Weatherwax13 · 23/05/2023 06:19

In your bin, looking for wrappers?? I changed my mind OP - she's not insecure, she's bloody weird. I certainly think you have to say something. She can't be allowed to make your workplace so uncomfortable.

pictoosh · 23/05/2023 06:19

Sounds like she feels threatened by your willpower and determination as well as your weight loss. She may be thin and pretty but she's insecure as hell with it.

There's no need for a confrontation. If she leaves snacks on your desk, bin them quietly. If she comments, don't engage with it. Create a boundary and politely maintain it.
"I'm feeling great so no need to worry. ANYWAY...."

Don't take it on. Dismiss it like the pish it is. Change the subject.

peachicecream · 23/05/2023 06:25

WillowtreeHouse · 23/05/2023 06:05

I put the snacks etc in our staff room with a 'help yourself' sign so I know she can see them. She's very quick with her 'oh look who's fallen off the waggon' comments if I eat something that she considers 'naughty'. I haven't really changed what I eat I'm just eating less of it so I'll still have a biscuit if I want one. She was in my bin last week looking for wrappers.

I'm not changing my job, she just needs to stop, so I guess it's time for a frank conversation. She can be a bit prickly sometimes so in not looking forward to that.

Going through your bin is disgusting and weird behaviour. I think she's actually bullying you and it needs reporting.

Tinybrother · 23/05/2023 06:29

People who need fat people to be considered lower status to them for their own self esteem also often need fat people to remain fat. What a sad little life for her. She isn’t a friend.

Mainlinethehappy · 23/05/2023 06:33

Oh, OP, this would be 'game on' for me. take the food she leaves you to the toilet, flush it, but put the wrapper in the bin. Bring in a cake and flush half of it, leaving half uneaten on your desk. Play with her. She's not behaving like a friend, so you'd need to do this whilst semi-grieving what is possibly going to be the loss of what you thought was a friendship.

midsomermurderess · 23/05/2023 06:44

Mainlinethehappy · 23/05/2023 06:33

Oh, OP, this would be 'game on' for me. take the food she leaves you to the toilet, flush it, but put the wrapper in the bin. Bring in a cake and flush half of it, leaving half uneaten on your desk. Play with her. She's not behaving like a friend, so you'd need to do this whilst semi-grieving what is possibly going to be the loss of what you thought was a friendship.

Or do as the OP has said she will do herself: ‘… time for a frank conversation’. Why is passive aggression, dislocated messaging, the go-to for so many woman? That is not being ‘game on’. That is being avoidant.

Ladysaurus · 23/05/2023 06:44

ANewAdventure · 22/05/2023 21:53

It happens a lot. I’m very overweight, every time I get my act together I get the concern “oh you shouldn’t starve yourself” (I don’t), “aren’t you losing it too quickly?”, “oh treat yourself”.

I think people, consciously or not, like having someone to look down on. The fat friend is a safe friend.

This. I get it too. It's vile behaviourand soul-destroying because all you really want is some support.

Well done for you loss so far. It's brilliant!