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Original poster

Sons boy friend does not want to go home.

99 replies

Kids23 · 20/05/2023 09:04

My son is 16. He's starting dating a boy who's just turned 17. I don't know him that well.

All the following is what the 17 year old has told me. Apprently his mum went on holiday for 10 days . He was meant to be staying at home on his own. But he ended up staying here . He did show me a couple of messages where he had asked his mum and she said OK he could stay.

When she got back he went back home over night a couple of times but staying here till late ie 11pm . And college during the day .

Then a couple of days ago . My son told me that there has been some sort of fight between the 17 year old and his 21 year old sibling . I don't know what caused it or how far it went. But apparently it was reported to police and 17 year old is now on bail. To his sisters address. And not allowed to his mums house where the 21 year old is. Although mum has Been asking him to go there. He has a few times hence him staying there now and then.

I think there's been another type of argument I think more verble. And he's ended up back here again.

As far as I know he's not spoken to his mum for a few days. I don't know her ad all she does not know me either.

Apprently since the 17 year old has Been on bail he has had a social worker. Who's not been in contact as far as I know.

Please bare in mind this has all been told to me by teenagers.

Where does this leave me. I mean I want the 17 year old to be safe. But am I doing wrong letting him stay here could I be in Any sort of trouble.

Also I'm a bit concerned if his mum truly knows he's here or is she worried sick.

As I said i don't know the mum I dont even know her name

On the money side of it does not have a bank account and no access to money.

Also by me giving him a place to stay am I actually stopping him and his mum from sorting something out.

OP posts:
00100001 · 20/05/2023 09:06

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Send the lad home, it's unhealthy for your 16yo to be living with his 17yo boyfriend.

thehappyhaggis · 20/05/2023 09:07

You need to be clearer on his bail conditions. It's possible that it's a requirement for him to stay at his sisters so could be breaching it by staying at yours.

00100001 · 20/05/2023 09:07

What utter fucking bollocks that he's not allowed at his mother's house.... Send him home.

DarkForces · 20/05/2023 09:08

I'd tell him he needs to give you his mum's contact information so you can agree a way forward with her. Decide your boundaries before you get in touch and stick to them and try to find out what she wants e.g. dropping to a local relative or looking after him until she returns. But I'd definitely be clear on the limits of what you're offering.

Ultimately I guess it'd be social services if she asks for more than you're willing to give, but I'd try her first as there might be a simple alternative.

00100001 · 20/05/2023 09:09

Either to his mother or his sister... absolutely don't get involved.

And maybe steer your son away from this shit show. He's only just started seeing him and already the lad is involved in some sort of altercation,has police involved and is now insinuating himself on your family and home.

At 16 you're supposed to be having fun with your BF/GF not dealing with police , social services and family drama and housing them!

Thelondonone · 20/05/2023 09:09

You can be supportive without him living with you. It’s undue pressure on a relationship that should be fun and fancy free not cohabiting. I would go with him to his sisters to get the lowdown.

PinkFootstool · 20/05/2023 09:09

Sounds like a pack of lies.

Phone social services and ask what the hell you do with this, 17yo who has decided to move into your home.

Compelledtopost · 20/05/2023 09:10

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Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2023 09:11

Tell the boy he has to go, right now. You're putting your son in a very difficult situation he is not ready for.

WeAreTheHeroes · 20/05/2023 09:11

He's breaking his bail conditions if he's at yours. Honestly it all sounds like nonsense so he can be with your son all the time. Far too intense, especially when your son is 16 and needs to be concentrating on school. He doesn't need to be, and shouldn't be, drawn into this drama.

You're being played. Send him home. To his sister's or wherever.

DamnAndDashIt · 20/05/2023 09:11

He needs to leave.

It may feel like you're being supportive, it may be the thing your 16 year old really wants to do right now, but this could lead to a really unhealthy place to be for them both.

Frogger8395 · 20/05/2023 09:12

Send him home, no more staying over. It’s inappropriate and you cannot have a stranger move into your house. You don’t know him and he sounds violent. I wouldn’t have let him stay even once.

Its too much for your 16 year old son to have a live in boyfriend.

Justcallmebebes · 20/05/2023 09:12

00100001 · 20/05/2023 09:06

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Send the lad home, it's unhealthy for your 16yo to be living with his 17yo boyfriend.

This. He sounds like trouble and your lad is only 16. Why are you letting them bring this chaos to your door?

ThatAbsoluteFkr · 20/05/2023 09:13

Your son is only 16. He's too young for all this drama and sleepovers. As his age they should be going cinema on a Friday night and bowling.

Protect him from all this.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 20/05/2023 09:14

Send him home. You're letting your sons boyfriend effectively live with him at 16&17?! You're an adult, he has a home to go to so send him there. Your son is too young for this sort of drama.

Compelledtopost · 20/05/2023 09:15

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ilovebagpuss · 20/05/2023 09:15

Send him on his way but for relationships with your DS perhaps he can come to hang out have tea etc.
Do not allow him to start living with you. My work friend had similar with her DD and a disturbed BF who she was trying to help but he ended up with then for 2 years smashing up the house occasionally, police called etc until the DD finally split.
You could allow one stay over at weekend say but draw clear boundaries with them both.

Original poster
Kids23 · 20/05/2023 09:17

Thank you everyone I was half thinking this myself. I'm going to speak to them in a short while.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kids23 · 20/05/2023 09:19

ilovebagpuss · 20/05/2023 09:15

Send him on his way but for relationships with your DS perhaps he can come to hang out have tea etc.
Do not allow him to start living with you. My work friend had similar with her DD and a disturbed BF who she was trying to help but he ended up with then for 2 years smashing up the house occasionally, police called etc until the DD finally split.
You could allow one stay over at weekend say but draw clear boundaries with them both.

Yes that sounds more realistic.

I'm hoping he will give me his mums contact details as well.

OP posts:
handydandynotebook · 20/05/2023 09:20

If he's bailed to his sisters house that's where the police expect him to be living and so that is where he needs to go. I would be explaining this and then saying if his bail conditions allow he is welcome in the day. If he does not agree to this then call the police who may possibly laugh and confirm he is chatting shit.

PinkRobotDuck · 20/05/2023 09:24

On bail to sisters address - no wonder SS can’t find him - you are possibly if it’s true assisting in a breach of instruction

WeAreTheHeroes · 20/05/2023 09:24

You need to speak with your son separately, privately before you speak to the boyfriend. They are not a single unit and you can't allow the older boy to influence your son. Very, very concerning that a 17 yr old has been bailed for a violent offence.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2023 09:32

You need to tell him to leave so that you and your son can talk without this boys influence causing any issues. Tell your son that his boyfriend is no longer able to stay.

Original poster
Kids23 · 20/05/2023 09:34

WeAreTheHeroes · 20/05/2023 09:24

You need to speak with your son separately, privately before you speak to the boyfriend. They are not a single unit and you can't allow the older boy to influence your son. Very, very concerning that a 17 yr old has been bailed for a violent offence.

Yes I will definitely do that. I think I'm going to try and get his mums details. But I will do it in a calm manner from a point of worry /concern and legal side. Hopefully I can get them abd talk to his mum.

OP posts:
FloozingThePlot · 20/05/2023 09:37

Far too much drama, with potentially serious consequences, for your 16 year old son to be involved in. I'd be taking whatever steps help to put distance between him and his boyfriend.