Sons boy friend does not want to go home.

[Kids23]

My son is 16. He's starting dating a boy who's just turned 17. I don't know him that well. 

All the following is what the 17 year old has told me. Apprently his mum went on holiday for 10 days . He was meant to be staying at home on his own. But he ended up staying here . He did show me a couple of messages where he had asked his mum and she said OK he could stay.

When she got back he went back home over night a couple of times but staying here till late ie 11pm . And college during the day . 

Then a couple of days ago . My son told me that there has been some sort of fight between the 17 year old and his 21 year old sibling . I don't know what caused it or how far it went. But apparently it was reported to police and 17 year old is now on bail. To his sisters address. And not allowed to his mums house where the 21 year old is. Although mum has Been asking him to go there. He has a few times hence him staying there now and then. 

I think there's been another type of argument I think more verble. And he's ended up back here again.

As far as I know he's not spoken to his mum for a few days. I don't know her ad all she does not know me either.

Apprently since the 17 year old has Been on bail he has had a social worker. Who's not been in contact as far as I know.

Please bare in mind this has all been told to me by teenagers.

Where does this leave me. I mean I want the 17 year old to be safe. But am I doing wrong letting him stay here could I be in Any sort of trouble.

Also I'm a bit concerned if his mum truly knows he's here or is she worried sick.

As I said i don't know the mum I dont even know her name

On the money side of it does not have a bank account and no access to money.

Also by me giving him a place to stay am I actually stopping him and his mum from sorting something out.

[Neurodiversitydoctor]

@PinkFootstool

Sounds like a pack of lies.

Phone social services and ask what the hell you do with this, 17yo who has decided to move into your home.

I'm not sure about a pack of lies, but yes talk to either children's services or this lad's mother to try to get a clear idea of what is actually going on.

[MissyB1]

He's manipulating your ds and you.

[PamTheExam]

Bit f-ing cheeky that his mum said it was ok for him to stay with you! Did she even ask or show any appreciation? This sounds very intense and unhealthy I think you're right to intervene.

[Kids23]

@RachelGreensHair

OP I think people are being harsh to you. I'd contact social services rather than his mum cos if there are issues at home esp with him and his brother, who knows what she might say and what the truth ka. It isn't about being a doormat but helping a teenager and in what sounds like a toxic environment. He needs safeguarding at his age too.
Hope your DS is OK.

Yes. I'm thinking this to . I don't think i can do much till Monday. Obviously I would not get a full truth from either side and I probably don't need to know.

I have managed to find some information about 17 year olds and being homeless and how social services can help him. Which will help him better long term. I have sent him a link so he can look . And I will also talk to him in a bit. I will also tell him he can talk to his social worker about it . I will talk to social services myself as well .. so keep it all professional contact them I dont get sucked into family dispute

[WeAreTheHeroes]

What about protecting your son in all this OP? Just because they're at your house doesn't mean your son is safe. Send the BF home to wherever he chooses to go, be it his mother's or his sister's. Get him out so your son has breathing space to talk to you without him there. This is way too much too soon.

[Kids23]

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto

Have just read the title again.

His "wants" do not trump your wants or what's best for your DS although he may not realise...

There's no point to picking apart single words such a want or hopping ext they are just how I have worded things not every word needs to be picked apart.

[Agapornis]

Lots of LGBTQ+ young people end up homeless, and there is specialist support. Might be working contacting Shelter https://www.crisis.org.uk/ending-homelessness/about-lgbtqplus-homelessness/

[SpinningCloudNiteClub]

@Justcallmebebes

This. He sounds like trouble and your lad is only 16. Why are you letting them bring this chaos to your door?

This. Very irresponsible parenting.

[Kids23]

@SpinningCloudNiteClub

This. Very irresponsible parenting.

Lots of assumptions

[SpinningCloudNiteClub]

@Kids23

Lots of assumptions

Not at all.

[Kids23]

@Agapornis

Lots of LGBTQ+ young people end up homeless, and there is specialist support. Might be working contacting Shelter https://www.crisis.org.uk/ending-homelessness/about-lgbtqplus-homelessness/

Thank you . Looks very helpful.

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

There's no point to picking apart single words such a want or hopping ext they are just how I have worded things not every word needs to be picked apart

Sorry I wasn't getting at you at all. Was just trying to back you up. He might not ever have been told that his wants are always paramount in any given situation.

[Kids23]

@SpinningCloudNiteClub

Not at all.

It is because none of us including me know the full story.

I do I know he's not being abused in some way. The mum was happy for him to stay here whilst she was on holiday she does not even know me.

I just asked him if he was charged they said hes in bail pending enquiries.

And to be fair he's still been going to college every day because he feels its important to go. I think a kid who's totally of the rails would not do that.

I do agree it's not healthy for ds though. Hence contacting social services to Arrange a place his boyfriend can stay . Then he can visit in a normal kind of way meet up etc.

Ds does get time on his own. When his boyfriend is at college. I know that's not the point abd it's still not right that he's here in that way . Bit I just meant as in there's Bern lots of time ds is on his own and able to talk to me.

Anyway in a nut shell I will contact social services on Monday.

[Kids23]

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto

There's no point to picking apart single words such a want or hopping ext they are just how I have worded things not every word needs to be picked apart

Sorry I wasn't getting at you at all. Was just trying to back you up. He might not ever have been told that his wants are always paramount in any given situation.

Sorry I probably took it wrong .

[happinessischocolate]

I sympathise OP, my 18 year old ds mate has been staying with us as he doesn't get on with his father. He's got 4 siblings at home and it's chaotic. He's a lovely guy and is trying to get a bedsit and sort himself out.

Slightly different as he's not in a relationship with my ds and they are 2 years older.

It's shocking the amount of people who think you should just not get involved and kick youngsters like this out with nowhere to go.

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

It's shocking the amount of people who think you should just not get involved and kick youngsters like this out with nowhere to go

I think on this case he's bailed to his Sisters address so does have somewhere to go. If his Sister won't accept him he needs to get his Solicitor to apply to vary his bail conditions.

[SiouxsieSiouxStiletto]

Sorry I probably took it wrong

I'm not very good at explaining myself so it was probably quiet easy! My fault, I'm sorry

[Whiteroomjoy]

@Kids23

Well yes . But im still hoping he will give it to me. And it will just be straight forward. I can insist all I want does not mean I will get it and obviously I'm not going to cause a madness . If he does not give it I may need to contact police or social services.

Actually, no. You do not need his mums details, his details or anything else. He is 17, not 7. If he is concerned for his welfare or safety as he seems to say he can talk to the police or other family member. Do not get involved. Do not ask him questions. Do not offer sympathy or support when you know nothing about what has happened other than from a 17 year old who wants to hang out with fuck all responsibility and,, what sounds like a lot of irresponsibility, and your 16 year old besotted and in love DS. You can potentially get into a lot of issues by allowing him to adopt you as parents, don’t normalise this- it’s not normal.
nope.
state clearly to your son you are not his foster parents, his home, or any of your responsibility. Then tell him to leave at all mealtimes and bedtime . And also at times when your DS should be studying and doing stuff 16 year olds should be doing.
sure don’t try to stop them seeing each other, but sit with your son alone and explain you cannot, and will not accept any responsibility and cannot afford to home him, even occasionally. The lad must not stay except on occasional nights , and for meals occasionally when you’ve, not your son, have made decision that he can ( eg son can ask, you will say no the majority of time if he’s asking multiple times per week)

[Whiteroomjoy]

You’ve said he saying he’s not been charged yet on bail? Seems very odd to me, sounds like he’s already been found guilty of another crime and is known to social services, the police etc. just doesn’t make sense for him to be “ bailed”:when no charges.
all very dodgy, or at least very messy, and one to stay out of

[Backstreets]

Sounds dodgy. Your instinct to protect your son is correct.

[WeaselKingHenry]

This is not your problem to sort OP. Send him packing, tonight. Your son is probably out of his depth and doesn’t know how to handle this - be the parent, send the kid packing.

it is not your job to speak to his mum, social services, housing or to worry if he is in an abusive home. Not your problem. Protect your son and your home and let him live at the perfectly safe place the police bailed him to.

[2bazookas]

He's supposed to be at his sisters house; its a condition of his bail. HE does not decide when he can stay/ live in your house; either during Mum's holidsy or any other time.

Be a responsible adult! Responsible for your home, your son.

Stop encouraging/enabling him to override the instructions/wishes of authority figures (his mother, the court, his sister) because sooner or latrm he's going to start defying your wishes and your rules in your home and around your son.


That is not a good example being set to your son.

[Kids23]

@Whiteroomjoy

You’ve said he saying he’s not been charged yet on bail? Seems very odd to me, sounds like he’s already been found guilty of another crime and is known to social services, the police etc. just doesn’t make sense for him to be “ bailed”:when no charges.
all very dodgy, or at least very messy, and one to stay out of

I have been asking a bit more.

The fight with his brother happend in April. He was 16 then . He turned 17 first week of May. So apprently the fight started over clothing . The now 17 year old brother who is 21 thought. He was taking his jacket when he was removing a badge from it or something that belonged to him. The older brother started arguing with him lots of shouting etc they started fighting. Apprently the older brother was was punching him in the back of the neck. He then lost ot abd started ouncjimg the older brother abd split the side of his eye area which then swelled up. Apprently mum got caught in the cross fire.

Hes had an interview where he was advised to go no comment so he has. This is always advised.

Hes now on bailed to return. His bail conditions are not to go to his mums place or near his older brother. With his sister she does nit want him thete and since he's a young person he probably does not know what to do .

With the social services involved that would be common because of his age as there will have berm a merlin report which triggers social services.

I'm contacting social services on Monday.

[2bazookas]

And to be fair he's still been going to college every day because he feels its important to go.

That's what he's told you; it's not necessarily true. He's hardly going to announce "I hang out down the park with yobs, sniffing cans I shoplifted"

As he's also avoided telling you the truth about the bail, you should be less gullible.

[WeAreTheHeroes]

So he punched his mother too? You know giving a no comment interview is always advised do you? I wouldn't want this person anywhere near my child, never mind in my house.