Anxiety in fifty and sixty year olds

[callingeveryone]

I am in my fifties and I am just noticing more and more friends getting anxious about doing a range of things. This is anything from driving on a motorway, to travelling abroad to a non tourist resort area. Not all my friends, some are still very adventurous. But is this the beginning of the anxiety many older people seem to feel?
And nearly all older people seem to develop more anxiety as they are in their seventies and eighties. I saw it in my mother who was not afraid of anything when younger, but by her seventies would get anxious about going anywhere new?
Maybe it is inevitable? But I really want to avoid it for myself if possible.

It can even extend to what you can safely eat if you have Gastro issues,

Or what kind of chairs you can comfortably sit in if you've had injuries.

I think we only need a bit of empathy to be able to understand.

I don't recognise this as being true of those in their 50s and 60s (I am in my 60s). I do recognise it in relation to those in their late 70s and over, but mainly in relation to driving.

For example, my mother stopped driving anywhere new in her late 70s, but was happy to drive familiar routes locally. Navigating was the main problem so I suspect if she'd had an adult passenger with her she'd have been ok (or a satnav, but they weren't really a thing then). It wasn't a general anxiety as she carried on happily going on holiday abroad on her own, until her health prevented her.

My father stopped driving altogether in his mid 80s. His eyesight was getting worse, roads were busier, and he knew his reactions had slowed. He didn't feel safe driving any longer. In other respects he was fine. He had more adventurous holidays in his late 60s and 70s than he had ever had when he was younger (stopped in his 80s because it became too difficult when his wife developed dementia).

I do worry less about what people think of me though. And unlike @lljkk suggests for some people in their 50s, I'm certain I'm not bemoaning a loss of status! I am feeling so confident to go to see my old school friend and we are both overall happier now at 52 than we were at 16. However, I think back to when I used to do things like go to Belgium for the weekend and I had done so little research I was mistaken about what currency I needed. 1992 ish. Or I would set off with no hotel or pensión booked, just hoping for the best, debit card, no back up if that got frozen, or even just cash falling out of my cardigan pocket. Maybe it's just a bit too much 'sensible-ness'' and I am reminiscing today as I'm about to leave for airport, to think back to my previous inscouciance!!!

@Chispazo I am probably guilty of over planning. But as my DH is disabled I know we can't just walk if a bus does not turn up, and we don't have loads of money to just jump into taxis.
And I did have a problem with my phone once with venue tickets, so I always print boarding passes off.
So.I am probably a bit more anxious than I used to be. But I still do stuff.
And anyone worried about airports, just book airports assistance. You don't need proof of disability. You just go to the disability assistance check in at the airport, and they get you on the plane. And you can get it at other side too.

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

We even had a senior PA at work who had been known for her colourful personality, irrepressible sense of fun, leather skirts, high heels and low cut blouses.

One day she started dressing like a SAGA catalogue or tv ad for something aimed at the over 50s and became a bit sour to deal with. We all wondered if she was unwell.

She went on HRT and after awhile the personality and mode of dressing we all knew and loved returned. (I think she retired some of the blouses though.)

I'm mid 60s and have never suffered a moment's anxiety in my life, but my hearing isn't as sharp, my night eyesight means I have to take more care driving at night, my reactions aren't as fast as they were. And bodily functions just aren't what they were.

Even though I am above average fit I occasionally stumble, my proception and balance just aren't as sharp. I know if I do myself some damage (eg break a wrist or hip) my recovery will be slow and won't be 100%; my underlying fitness will take a dive.

Contemporaries are living with or dying of cancer; older siblings and cousins are dying of complications of old age.

While I'm pretty proficient at IT I know there are apps and social media (TicToc anyone?) that I'll never get my head round.

So I can understand why people become anxious. I've just massively depressed myself! Off to live my life in full while I can! 🌺🍷🍰

It depends. The old people I know are pretty adventurous still. DM is doing an advanced driving course in her 80s <handbrake turn>

I never said it affects everyone. But it does affect many.

I'm 50 and I am scared of driving. I've never liked it but over the last few years it's got worse and worse. I know I need to do it but I don't have much time and I very rarely need to drive so I just never get to the stage where I feel comfortable.

Yeah, I don't know what the term is for it, ableism? Health privilege?

The over confidence of youth that it won't happen to you?

Or the misguided illogical "it hasn't happened to me so it needn't have happened to them"

I don't know.

There is sometimes nowadays a tendency to call things anxiety so they can be dismissed or used to victim blame.

Thanks for that link, Lemon. I'm going to look up Charles Eugster's TED talk.

Compassion & "pull-yourself-together" are not incompatible.

My step-sis (who my dad adores, & lives with 3-6 months a year) is literally a PT specialising in age 60+; Dad brushed off her suggestions. Recently he had improvements (in energy, anxiety & fitness) following a "rehabilitation" routine prescribed for him after surgery : resistance bands & a mini-exercise bike. Basically, it took doctor's orders for him to make the effort, and he probably won't sustain the routine very long. Making choices that entrench your feeling of powerless about losing your fitness - is a sure way to nurture anxiety.

Seems to be a bit of a family trait with us, i was fearless in my teens/20s and since hitting 30s i've had increasing levels of anxiety and think i might be the kind of nervous wreck my granddad turned into :(

My 66th birthday is coming up soon. To many on MN that can be considered "old". In fact I can't believe it myself, it seems I woke up one day and suddenly I was a pensioner! OMG the realisation floored me - for an hour. I said to myself, you are the same person, you are lucky you can walk and talk at the same time, you have adequate funds behind you, you have a good family network, decent home and are no different now to twenty years ago. Well that worked for a week....

Then suddenly I got an acute illness that had me in the hospital on my own during Covid, getting things done to me that I couldn't keep up with. I had never been in hospital apart from a stint with meningitis in my early twenties. Never been sick with colds, flus, covid, anything really so between isolation in a strange hospital environment, thinking what the hell is wrong with me, and thinking this shouldn't be happening, I was in shock!

So when I improved and got my instructions as to how to manage my illness I just had a what the heck attitude. I largely ignore the cardiac related atrial fibrillation and take my meds, get checked every six months and forget about it. UNTIL an attack happens on a plane, or out driving or walking OMG that is fkn scary. But it will not kill me either, however it is a double whammy, the attacks cause fear and terror, which in turn affect the heart rhythm, but I have strategies.

I live alone too (happily) so enjoy the freedom that brings. I can't say I am an anxious person even with the unforeseen shock of illness, I have a good network and neighbours who will see me right in an emergency.

I now realise that things are finite, never really did before as lived day to day as you do. I get bored yes, so does everyone now and then, I get fed up with things that don't go right for me, yes so does everyone. I think the biggest thing that helped stabilise my attitude to life was NOT LISTENING TO THE NEWS, or talk radio, or crap TV. I haven't done that since Covid and most of the anxiety induced issues have passed me by. Nothing is solved by ramping up anger anxiety and angst about things over which I have no control anyway.

Apologies for the essay, hope you weren't too bored reading it, if you did read it !

@Fiftyisthenewsixty I have never been a keen driver, but the only way to get comfortable with it is to do it lots.

My mum won't complain or admit to any limitations. She's also really short.

My mum overdid it on a family walk involving clambering over a stile and injured her hip and put herself out of action, and on painkillers, had to have scans or x rays, I can't remember which and a course of physio appointments.

Certain members of my family don't get it. "She's not that old" "it was only a stile" "We were only out about two and a half hours"

I wonder how much pain she was in on the hour or so walk back.

She probably won't go with them again.

This seems entirely rational to me.

Someone else in our family is firmly in their "second childhood"

All risk assessment seems to have gone out of the window.

Speeding down country lanes, careless crossing the road, drinking too much, not bothering to lock the back door. Letting strangers in the house, agreeing to have work done from someone who just knocked on the door...

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow glad you've found something helpful

I'm late 50's, only started working F/T about 2 years ago after 4 DC's, all v spread out in age. Loving it, done wonders for my confidence. Travel in the UK quite a bit, having been used to v quiet rural driving. Driving through Leeds city centre last week I thought to myself I probably couldnt have done this a few years ago!

I agree with PP who said there is big increase in anxiety disorders across all age ranges, including children.

Menopause is a known contributor to anxiety disorders.

With respect to driving my personal experience is that the more frequently I drive the less anxious I am about driving.

As a sufferer of anxiety I also recommend not listening to the news much.

Very interesting thread. I'm mid 50s. I keep reading threads about how as people get older they start not caring as much, no f*s to give and all that. I'm the opposite , i worry more than ever. So I'll read this thread with interest. Thanks op.

@Atishoos , great post

I agree @Atishoos great post

Very interesting thread, I feel the same at almost 53. @Chispazo safe travels x

I'm 55 and I wouldn't say I was anxious but I do faff and procrastinate a lot more.

E.g. Take my gas and electricity meter readings and submit online. A totally simple thing but it takes me ages to read them and the readings done last week were written on a tissue box. I use the internet a lot but it takes effort to submit them. I still haven't submitted them and I can even see into the cupboard under the stairs where the meters are whilst typing this on my tablet!

If going shopping I have to have a plan where to go. It doesn't help that Swansea where I live doesn't have joined up shopping. E.g. B&Q, Lidl, B&M, Tesco, The Range are not all together and you have to drive to each separate area.