Anxiety in fifty and sixty year olds

[callingeveryone]

I am in my fifties and I am just noticing more and more friends getting anxious about doing a range of things. This is anything from driving on a motorway, to travelling abroad to a non tourist resort area. Not all my friends, some are still very adventurous. But is this the beginning of the anxiety many older people seem to feel?
And nearly all older people seem to develop more anxiety as they are in their seventies and eighties. I saw it in my mother who was not afraid of anything when younger, but by her seventies would get anxious about going anywhere new?
Maybe it is inevitable? But I really want to avoid it for myself if possible.

I worry about my mum who’s got very anxious about driving. I fear it’s getting to a point where it will be dangerous soon.

That said she still goes and skis black runs/off piste and at some speed every season. She still runs ultramarathons (!!!) so lord knows but she’s a nervous wreck driving

They'll still be weaker and more physically vulnerable than virtually every younger person though.

That's what ageing does.

I'm 45 and 100% sure I could easily push over someone in their 90s, regardless of what muscle mass they have.

My mother has become very anxious in her 70s and has had to resort to medication which she hates. She has become more sentimental too, which I find hard as a get on with it kind of person.

My strategy is to do weights and resistance training to maintain strength.

I also think the pandemic freaked out a lot of people.

I work in mental health. We are seeing huge increases in anxiety across all age brackets. Studies are underway to find out the possible reasons.
Even looking at the effects of the pandemic, the war and cost of living crisis and what can feel like the general endless upheaval, it’s a testing time even for those with sound mental health.

This seems to ignore all kinds of health conditions.

pp mentioned their mum having this in the last couple of years - could be lockdown related.

Also, I don't do media which is very helpful, I can't avoid the cost of living as I, um, live, but there amount of nonsensical scare stories about health are amazing. Mum has actually stopped getting a newspaper which helps her too.

she's 84 so her anxiety is long life and suffering, I try not to think about it.

I got nervous about driving when I was pregnant over 40 years ago. I'm not nervous actually driving just thinking about it.

I've done some fairly rough and ready travelling in the past - sleeping on floors or in the desert on sand etc. I don't fancy it anymore it's just a case of 'been there done that' although I am still pretty fit. I'm not nervous about it although food poisoning in India put me off ever going there again.

Any reservations I have about doing things are usually either for practical reasons or it just doesn't interest me any more not due to anxiety. I'm in my late 60s.

I don't think you can possibly understand until it happens to you & even then I'm not sure you 'understand it', it just is.

I never used to be anxious at all. My Mum is a very anxious person (and has been all her life) & it drives me nuts!

I would travel anywhere by myself, ski, kayak, drive anything anywhere, move into house shares, live on my own in foreign countries, walk around unknown cities, areas not recommended. Look after peoples kids & pets without a care.
Loads of stuff.

I got diagnosed with some health issues & feel very very tired all the time, no energy & no strength.

then the pandemic. One of my health issues is diabetes and I was told I needed to 'shield/stay home' and the letters sent to me were fairly serious/scary. I was happy to shield. I live alone & the images of people on ventilators scared the living shit out of me.

in 2021 I fell, I was walking & stepped into a hidden hole & landed in an awkward way. I waited on the road for 3 hours for the ambulance to come because I could not move. People stopped & tried to help but it was agony. The ambulance finally arrived & pumped me with enough drugs to scrape me off the ground.

I was in A&E for 13 hours overnight, never once being asked if I was OK, needed a drink, nothing.

I ended up on a ward, had surgery, lots of issues in hospital but eventually went home a week later.

I was lucky to get home help 15 minutes twice a day. I could barely move at this point.

it was very scary, living alone & not being able to move until the carer arrived the next day. Due to Covid it wasn't possible to have anyone stay.

I had problems with my knees before 'the fall' now I can barely bend them & so obviously cannot kneel & can't get up & down on/off the floor. I used to use my loft as a room, I can't access it now as I can't get from the ladder to standing in the loft.

my surgeries (shoulder ball & cuff replaced x2) have been medically 'successful' (and I'm enormously grateful to the surgeon) but I can't reach up past a certain point and I can't lift much weight.

my balance has turned to absolute shit.

Not brilliant for daily living and bloody impossible to do much myself on my home I'm renovating.

I now have an issue with high blood pressure but can't take medication for it.

I'm too scared to do the walking I used to do - I'm scared of falling again, having a heart attack (family history & high BP) and I'm a bit scared to go where I used to as the local teenagers have gone fucking feral since covid & they go into the area to muck about smoke drink drugs etc. and obviously I feel completely unable to look after myself. I can walk, but no way could I run from them or confront them.

I just feel old, scared & very very vulnerable. It's utterly shit.

I guess everyone has their reasons for their anxiety, even if it's just from menopause.

even driving. I've been driving 38 years. Decent sized trucks, towed stuff, resort vehicles in the alps including 16 seaters, with guests, at night, up to remote chalets in blizzards, rental vehicles in too many places to count. But now I'm finding it hard, I wear glasses to drive but can't see the dashboard or sat nav with them on, I find busy round abouts intimidating & just don't enjoy it anymore.

I find all of this upsetting & baffling.

its fucking hideous.

with Your friends, I'd say, if you can be understanding & work to their level and support moving baby steps from their comfort zone, then that's great. But if it annoys you too much then just kindly distance yourself. It's shit enough already without being made to feel embarrassed or lacking.

oh and enjoy what you can, while you can. It can all be snatched away in seconds.

Hard to imagine why advancing towards death could make anyone anxious

If you don't ever suffer anxiety that's great but it's not hard to understand why things can feel a bit more daunting for some as they get a bit less strong and a bit more unwell.

Another post has just reminded me.

My Dad died just after I turned 41. I never, ever, realised when I was alive just how much confidence he gave me to do anything. I realised something I'd never thought about. He was 'there' and would & could have got me out of any bad situation I got myself into. He'd have found a way.

being single & losing that safety net changed my life more than you'd ever expect it to.

I had left home at 17 & hadn't ever needed to be rescued, & it wasn't until he died I realised how much that had given me the confidence to do stuff.

Mine was the menopause. Just horrible, suddenly became a nervous driver. I'm ok if I'm on my own in the car, just don't like passengers for some reason. it impacted my work really badly.
Typically my GP gave me anti-depressants. Ended up at a private menopause clinic (thank you Davina) and it's much better with HRT.

I’ve seen quite a lot of acquaintances develop anxiety recently. I think the pandemic played a huge part. Our neighbours were a well travelled, confident couple in their 70’s. They’ve stopped travelling since covid, but worse still now rarely leave the house. There’s no physical reason, they’ve just become incredibly anxious. It’s very sad to see.

Hmm, I am feeling a slight whiff of ageism on this thread.

I too used to roll my eyes a little bit at those post menopausal women who seemed to become that bit more anxious and fearful. Then menopause happened to me and now I understand.

When your parents and even peers start to die of horrible things, clearly it’s not going to be too long until it comes for you.

I agree. Having supported friends who have died of cancer, and having just been around longer on earth, I am much more aware of potential setbacks than when I was young and had a “just do it” approach. I know it’s irrational too as when things go really wrong they usually do so in a very arbitrary and unexpected way and you couldn’t have predicted them anyway.

Also, incremental changes in balance, eyesight, pelvic floor make things just a bit more difficult generally when out and about.

I am a firm believer in there being more good people out there than bad and that people will generally help others but at the same time I’ve witnessed more selfish behaviour on public transport and the risk of someone filming you rather than helping seems higher than before.

I take your point. Though my peers seem to be dealing with cancer, losing parents, and in one case, the near-death of a child by changing things around and striking out, rather than retreating. For now, anyway.

It pisses me off. I feel a rant coming on.

My elderly dad is full of anxiety about his health. Instead of trying his best every day to maintain or improve his health NOW, he bemoans his health decline compared to age 50 or whatever. He has a lot of energy to expend on his anxiety, and shrugs off all suggestions to work on his fitness now.

I have a 40yo friend who does something similar. Unhappy about how she was skinny before & now she's fat... but what does she do to stop herself getting bigger & maintain good health? (Hint: not a lot). And then MNers can do same thing, all this hand-wringing. Determined to Never see the opportunities, insist on obsessing over perceived status lost.

I could throw things, it's so frustrating & pointless to wallow in angst.

Numerous studies say this is not the case.

MN posters are defeatist and deeply misinformed about what "ageing" means.

Here's one article. There have been numerous studies.

Am I too old to build muscle? What science says about sarcopenia and building strength later in life (theconversation.com)

There's a strong whiff of 'these old people are doing it wrong, they need to pull themselves together ' about this thread.
The mental effects of the menopause have been way worse than the physical ones for me.

I am lucky in that I was able to give up my car as I work from home. The buses are very good here for local shopping and visiting friends. It is bliss walking everywhere and I get weight lifting opportunity by carrying my weekly shopping. Not the main online Asda delivery but the top up I go for. I just didn't fancy HRT.

My anxiety got worse after the menopause. I can’t take HRT so ended up on Venlafaxine.

Im 60 in November. I feel less anxiety than I’ve ever felt in my life. I used to be scared of flying. Now l think ‘Fuck it, I’ll be dead soon anyway’ and have started flying again.

Unfortunately it IS to do with ageing and I don't think it's ageist to say it.

I think people suddenly realise that realistically they probably have 20+ years left to live and how bloody fast the time goes.

That's enough to make anyone anxious, especially if they have a predisposition to it.

I'm 60 but I can't relate to this. Apart from anything else, I still have a teenage DS and my anxiety is no more or less than it ever was.

You know how teenagers often feel invincible, and consequently can be impulsive and risk-taking?

Well by the time they have lived 50 or 60 years most people have learned that they aren't.

It's not anxiety, it's life experience.

We're not talking about rational concerns though - "maybe I shouldn't backpack across Syria, it might not be safe".
We're mostly talking about fearfulness over things which you wouldn't have thought twice about five years ago: driving for an hour to visit your new grandchild, catching a train to London to see a play.

I can't really relate to this. I'm 53, almost 54. Have been on some very far flung and adventurous holidays recently. Me and DH had to get ourselves across a foreign country using public transport, we loved it!

That said, if we are going out at night, I now have the "fear of not getting home". Not a real fear (!), but that feeling of not wanting to be far from home, tipsy, and reliant on a crappy bus or train service, that might leave you stranded.

I used to party and not even look at the time, when I was in my 20's and 30's. I've been dragged off the dance floor at 3am. Doesn't appeal to me now, especially in winter. I'd rather go for a meal at 4pm and be home by 7pm with some wine and jammies on.

Having said that, when we are on holiday, and I know our room is just a stumble away, I can still party till late, because there is no "fear of not getting home". I often wonder if anyone else feels like this?