does childhood trauma always impact you?

[itsrainin]

Just a thread inspired by poster on here that thought the OP on that thread was doubting herself due to childhood trauma.

I was wondering if anyone else has noticed things like this in themselves? Is it possible to completely forget shitty things that happened in childhood and not let it impact you?

eg my parents were quite controlling. sometimes I lack confidence in myself and think attainable things are out of reach.

Not at all. Look at how many people are successful despite childhood trauma.

It shapes who you become in a sense so yes. It is the lens through which you will unconsciously interpret the world and others in it. That doesn't mean you can't learn to be conscious of this and make decisions for the better though, also referred to as overcoming trauma and then thrive despite adversity.

Yes of course it impacts you, it's part of your life experience.

It's not that you can't become successful @JandalsAlways , of course you can. But it's still a thing you lived through and you will have developed certain coping mechanisms or a certain outlook on life because of it. It shapes you for better or worse.

I believe that everyone has some kind of trauma from their childhood. Even if you didn't live through anything outwardly 'traumatic', there are things that will have affected you and shaped who you are. Everyone has a negative or difficult memory from childhood which can be interpreted as trauma.

I believe that therapy would be helpful for absolutely everyone in understanding and coming to terms with our childhood experiences.

It always forms part of you.

It doesn't have to hold you back.

You don't forget, you overcome. It can never be as if it didn't happen, but it can be a source of something positive.

I believe that everyone has some kind of trauma from their childhood. Even if you didn't live through anything outwardly 'traumatic', there are things that will have affected you and shaped who you are. Everyone has a negative or difficult memory from childhood which can be interpreted as trauma. I find this attitude genuinely offensive. To compare regular childhood ups and downs to childhood trauma is both ridiculous and disgusting. Those who have had genuine trauma are dealing with something much more than a negative or difficult memory

I believe that everyone has some kind of trauma from their childhood. Even if you didn't live through anything outwardly 'traumatic', there are things that will have affected you and shaped who you are. Everyone has a negative or difficult memory from childhood which can be interpreted as trauma.

Goodness, are you being serious here?

Of course everyone doesn't have trauma from their childhood - for those of us who do though, it's actually quite horrific. I have complex PTSD thanks to serious neglect in all areas during my childhood, the idea that people who have a 'negative or difficult' memory can interpret that as trauma is not juts offensive but downright bloody stupid. What happened to me is on another scale altogether

Children learn through experience and behave on the basis of memories. They don't forget.

I spent my whole childhood watching my df treat my dm abysmally. While I have the sense to realise that not all men behave like that, and I know people for whom marriage has been a blessing, I could never bring myself to marry a man, to tie myself legally to someone on the basis of trust. Because I don't trust them.

So while logic & reason tell me otherwise, instinct still makes me avoid it.

This is a very interesting thread. Can I please follow for now and post later.

I think it always impacts you, but not always in a negative way.

i have some things from my parents that still occasionally impact me negatively (they were vile and abusive).

However, there are also positive things that I learned about myself in therapy for my childhood that impact me in a positive way.

So the impact is there a lot of the time, but not always in a negative way.

I do agree that it would shape you. I think though most people have some "issues" from their childhood, no matter how small it may be big to them, so you can either choose to focus on them or not (and not trying to dismiss trauma in anyway, just I have seen how different siblings approach the same trauma). Having been through some traumatic experiences myself, I've chosen to not focus on them and move on and I think I am much better off for it. Therepy can either make you feel like a victim or empower you, unfortunately it's not always clear what the outcome will be

I’ve worked with adults who experienced trauma in childhood for decades and I’d say it always has an impact because it’s part of shaping you in your formative years. That doesn’t mean people can’t do very well in life, many do. It depends on the nature of the trauma (a one off incident or some going traumatic experiences), the amount of care and support the child receives to help them understand and recover, positive influences in their lives etc.

It can also depend on the work they do on themselves into adulthood - therapy might be part of that but positive, trusting relationships, having a goal or aim to work towards, being part of a community, being psychologically aware and knowing your own patterns and tendencies can all help.

I know many people who have experienced significant childhood trauma who are doing really well. I equally know many people who have lifelong struggles that seriously impact daily living.

Its one of the difficulties with the discourse around ACEs in that it can become quite determination - ie if your ACEs score is higher than X you’ll struggle to achieve X, Y and Z. It’s just not that simple.

We are the sum of all of our experiences to date. We can layer new experiences over the old ones and build new pathways that change how we respond to things in our past, present and future.

I think that yes, most people have something happen to them in childhood, because life isn’t 100% positive but there is a massive difference in experiencing something negative whilst surrounding by a loving family who support you through it and living through trauma that is often at the hands of those who are supposed to love you.

my sister and I had a traumatic childhood but our experiences of it was very different. She is 3 years younger so doesn’t remember anything about before we went into care. She now lives her live in a (to me) fairly chaotic way, lives for now, no planning for the future, has gone bankrupt etc whilst I have to think through every decision and imagine every scenario that may happen.

I would say yes. But not always in a negative way.

Having been through some traumatic experiences myself, I've chosen to not focus on them and move on and I think I am much better off for it.

Ooops. Silly me.

I just had to choose not to focus on it

Honestly sometimes I think people post shit like this to be spiteful because surely nobody would blame a victim of a traumatic childhood for being affected by it for any other reason.

I don't get to choose btw, I live a huge part of my life in a hyper vigilant state, it's not something I can just choose not to do.

''@JandalsAlways
Not at all. Look at how many people are successful despite childhood trauma.''

That's too simplistic.

Of course people can have a good life even if they had a traumatic start.

That does not mean the trauma does not affect them or hasn't shaped their life/who they are.

I did not have a nice childhood/teenage years (bullying, abuse and neglect).

It is still always at the back of my mind, although I have had support to make sure it no longer affects me so much these days and that I can ''manage'' it.

But it took a lot of counselling and it had a major negative impact on how I form relationships for example and on my health throughout my life.

@discan @wildfirewonder My intention was not to offend or upset anyone so I apologise for any offence.

There is, of course, a difference in experience between those who have been abused, exploited and suffered in ways that others cannot imagine, and how these external experiences will affect you and your inner world, thoughts and feelings.

The definition of trauma is to do with 'deeply distressing or disturbing experiences', and only an individual person can truly understand how they experience their life.

What will traumatise one person will not traumatise another, and vice versa.

I believe that the inherent experience of being a human alive in the world, and going through childhood, is traumatic for everyone. Each and every human has experienced things which are deeply distressing or disturbing to them, and cannot be comparible to another human's experience.

Some people have experienced abuse, violence and exploitation at the hands of others, that is horrendous and of course likely to cause trauma. I will not go too far into my own experiences but suffice to say that I have an understanding of this suffering from both my personal and professional life and do not downplay its impact.

However, trauma is experiential. It has multiple causes, and nobody can truly say what another person's experience of the world is. Trauma is to do with our inner lives and experience and how we work through things in our own heads. Somebody with OCD, for example, may experience trauma from a light not being switched off - that is their experience and that is the definition of trauma.

'Deeply distressing and disturbing experiences'. There is no external or objective truth about what is distressing or disturbing. It is not about the nature of the event itself, but the person's experience. I would challenge you to find me one person alive in the world who has not experienced something that they found to be deeply distressing or disturbing. Whatever the event was, their experience of it is valid as the way they interpreted it.

So I apologise again if you feel I downplayed your trauma or anything horrendous you have been to, but trauma is an all-encompassing word about our experiences of distress as humans - it is not to do with any specific external event or cause.

I think childhood trauma remains a burden throughout life, but I think there is a risk that if you overestimate the impact then you may go on to lay all your flaws at the feet of your childhood trauma - viewing them as as both inevitable and unchangeable.

My intention was not to offend or upset anyone so I apologise for any offence.

Yet there you are continuing with the same shit

Childhood is not ducking trauma for all.

I would be interested to see how you think a person can 'overestimate' the impact?

I don't make a conscious decision to be affected

I have a wider interpretation of the word 'trauma' than you do. That does not mean I downplay what you may or may not have been through. It means that I validate everybody's inherent human experience of suffering, as part of the human condition.

I have a wider interpretation of the word 'trauma' than you do. That does not mean I downplay what you may or may not have been through. It means that I validate everybody's inherent human experience of suffering, as part of the human condition.

Oh come on I'm not invalidating anyone by suggesting trauma isn't something everyone suffers from. Get real.

I think it does.
I normalised my upbringing but recognise now how it shaped me and how it impacted my parenting.
I wish I had realised much sooner.

I said I validate everybody's inherent human expereince of suffering. I didn't say that you are invalidating anyone. You seem very defensive and I'm not sure why, I am just stating my understanding of a word which is slightly different to yours.

I am coming from a more philosophical angle and a belief that a degree of trauma is inherent in being human. Being abused and exploited is not, of course, and it does cause PTSD and all kinds of horrible outcomes for children who go through it. I am not denying that. But abuse and exploitation are not the only things that can be defined as 'trauma'.

I do think though that you are unlikely to see or agree with where I am coming from so I am going to leave this now.

The definition of trauma is to do with 'deeply distressing or disturbing experiences',

The definition of trauma is more to do with experiences that overwhelm the persons usual coping mechanisms, things can be deeply distressing without constituting trauma. If you look at the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, the definition is even tighter, to do with threat to life or bodily integrity eg rape, physical or sexual assault.

Trauma brings about a physiological and psychological response that is instinctive and goes beyond distress, widening the definition doesn’t help people who have experienced trauma.