does childhood trauma always impact you?

[itsrainin]

Just a thread inspired by poster on here that thought the OP on that thread was doubting herself due to childhood trauma.

I was wondering if anyone else has noticed things like this in themselves? Is it possible to completely forget shitty things that happened in childhood and not let it impact you?

eg my parents were quite controlling. sometimes I lack confidence in myself and think attainable things are out of reach.

I do think though that you are unlikely to see or agree with where I am coming from so I am going to leave this now.

That's because you are talking shit.

Pleased you recognise it isn't going anywhere, not let's not be suggesting it's a fault on my part.

Agreed. I'm currently going through, after many years of blocking it out through extremely unhealthy ways, extensive and really hard therapy to finally face up to a childhood that was absolutely dreadful. I wouldn't wish it it on anyone. A couple of 'not very nice' memories must be bloody lovely to have as 'trauma' 🙄

I don't think either of us are at fault. We just have a slightly different interpretation of a word. All the best.

That's fair. I more meant that if you have, it doesn't need to define you. I also think everyone is shaped by their experiences whatever they arr, so yes you can't escape them. I also think for some their negative experiences may even make them better adults.

That's nonsense. You are minimising actual, real trauma like being raised in a violent home, suffering neglect or being sexually abused. You clearly don't have a clue.

Normal downs can have no impact or very little.
Real trauma e.g. childhood abuse has an impact. If you have been sexually abused, beaten up, seen your mum beaten up, how can that not have an impact?

It's interesting, there are numerous studies I believe that show that if a child experiences deep trauma before a certain age - around the teenage years - it affects the neural pathways of the brain in a different way to older children and adults. William and Harry are a case in point, although I know they have always had very different personalities anyway.

I don't think either of us are at fault. We just have a slightly different interpretation of a word.

Saying everyone has trauma from their childhood isn't a different interpretation of a word. It's dismissive bullshit, and you know it.

And those saying trauma does not have to have an impact are simply redefining trauma to mean anything that upset me.

The childhood trauma I went through (a significant amount of it) no longer impacts me at all, but I'm now in my late 30s and I've done a lot of work on it. I also am no longer in contact with the abusers, including parents and siblings.

A key to moving on was that I stopped talking about it. I no longer talk about the past. I find it irrelevant to who I am now. What happened doesn't define me.

Research shows if children have one loving adult in their life before aged seven, it need not be the parents, they do much better than those children who had nobody. Love matters.

For me personally, I think having a traumatic childhood catches up with you sooner or later. I think you push down the memories for so long and then they resurface years later. For me this happened in my 40s. I had a brilliant counsellor who helped me work through my memories. Now I feel like I can look back on my childhood with compassion. It's always with you but I think can be overcome with help. Best wishes to all survivors of traumatic childhood and I hope you get the help you deserve.

I was sexually abused by a trusted family member....I downplay it as being 'only once' and 'it wasn't proper rape' which is how i got through my teens and 20s. But I also coped by getting extremely obese as in my subconscious, I was unattractive and had power over my food choices. Childhood sexual abuse survivors are 6 times more likely to be obese than the average population so trauma must affect us somehow.

When I had my DD, I had to get therapy to deal with the trauma and frankly to get a start on not being obese.

This is a good way of looking at it.

My experiences mean I will never trust or rely on a man, but on the plus side, I made sure I had a career, self-reliance has always been a fundamental for me.

I am financially and practically competent.

I have also ensured that my ds grew up in a calm happy loving household, and hasn't experienced any of that nonsense in his formative years. He has grown into a lovely well-balanced person.

The positive is that each generation makes progress. 🙂

I've explicitly stated several times that such things have a severe impact, cause PTSD and lifelong issues, I am not minimising them and have both personal and professional experience of such things, they are horrendous and the impact profound.

This is purely about semantics and the definition of a word which has more than one meaning and interpretation. Trauma can be caused and experienced as a result of a multitude of different events and in a multitude of different ways.

Success has nothing to do with it. I am successful in my career, have a marriage and family and childhood trauma massively affects my life and mental health.

"...actual, real trauma like being raised in a violent home, suffering neglect or being sexually abused."

These things are not trauma @DirectionToPerfection . These are things which commonly cause trauma.

Much smaller, less obvious things can also result in trauma for some people.

Trauma is to do with a person's inner experience and reaction to an event, not a particular event in itself.

I have done quite well despite huge childhood trauma BUT, even now, it does trip me up occasionally. A certain smell, song, something on tv that triggers a memory and I am 10 years old and all those feelings come flooding back. I think you can do as much work as you like on healing childhood trauma but it is so deeply imbedded in the core of who you are deep inside that you can never completely shake it, outgrow it, forget about it, recover fully from it. You can however thrive DESPITE it and sometimes it can be a huge driving force in forging ahead to be successful. It was with me anyway.

Depends what you mean by trauma, but your upbringing certainly always impacts you in some way. Very often in how you manage relationships with other people. You might not realize how or why.

Are you quoting from a textbook or actual experience?

That’s a pretty good description of me also.

Always there in the background, and learning to do the opposite to break a chain.

Yes, childhood trauma always impacts you. The aftermath is always there. I've had much therapy over the years for mine.

I've learned to manage my mental health, rather than it manage me. However, there are times when it can rear its ugly head.

I will always be on lifelong meds for complex PTSD. My physical conditions (fibromyalgia and CFS) are a direct consequence of childhood/adult trauma.

I have learned to be grateful I'm in good long-term recovery and not still living in all the problems of it.

I'm 20 years sober, in A.A 12 step fellowship. I also have membership for other 12 step fellowships, which I dib in and out of, such as Al-Anon and Adult Children of dysfunctional and Alcoholic Childhoods (ACADC) A.A is my constant.

I've done various therapies, including generic therapy, group therapy, family of origin, CBT, and CRUSE Bereavement. Also, 12 steps are ongoing group, I am waiting to go back into specialist abuse therapy for my childhood, as I had another major trauma breakdown in January just gone.

So yes, you can learn to live with it if you take the opportunities, make the effort, and you can allow it to shape you healthily.

It's far better to be in recovery than not to be. However, the scares don't leave. Every so often, they bleed and have to be treated

@RoseBucket I have professional training in this area and have lived experience of trauma, both personal and professional. That is all I will say on here about my background. If it's not sufficient for you, you don't have to pay attention to what I say.

This is quite an interesting article.

https://pasterski.com/2020/08/we-all-have-trauma/

I also recommend a series of articles on Psychology Today called "Are we born into trauma?" if you're interested in this way of thinking about trauma.

There is no right or wrong way to think about it. My outlook is that if you have been through outwardly horrific events in your life like exploitation, abuse and violence, your trauma is valid and real. But if you haven't, your trauma is still valid and real.

I've recently done some training on ACE - adverse childhood experiences - and the potential ways it can affect someone throughout their life.

I'm pleased it's being recognised more in educational settings.

I too was insulted by the poster who glibly said that every child experiences trauma. There's no comparison between a lost fave teddy or a broken arm and, say, the loss of a parent at a very young age. Each of these scenarios could affect the individual long term. But surely any compassionate person can see that the latter example has far wider developmental repercussions.

It’s always there, lurking, when you least expect it however old and wise you become.