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Original poster

does childhood trauma always impact you?

84 replies

itsrainin · 19/05/2023 02:44

Just a thread inspired by poster on here that thought the OP on that thread was doubting herself due to childhood trauma.

I was wondering if anyone else has noticed things like this in themselves? Is it possible to completely forget shitty things that happened in childhood and not let it impact you?

eg my parents were quite controlling. sometimes I lack confidence in myself and think attainable things are out of reach.

OP posts:

Original poster

itsrainin · 19/05/2023 19:48

I'm so sorry that so many people have experienced this too. What can we do to heal ourselves collectively and move forward?

OP posts:

Tiredmummaoftwo · 19/05/2023 19:53

Well I believe my Dad was an alcoholic because his Dad was abusive. So I'm just aiming to be better. I want to stop the cycle of abuse / trauma and be the best parent I can be.

That what works for me (I know it's not that easy for some people). I'm by no means perfect but I try to give my children the best version of me.

microloewe · 19/05/2023 20:32

I genuinely don't feel that my childhood trauma affects me. I was subjected to prolonged sexual abuse as a child. When it stopped, I stopped thinking about it. It hasn't affected any of my subsequent sexual relationships. I do worry that maybe it should as you hear of peoples lives being ruined and it had not had any effect at all to me. That's not to say other things don't affect me. I have been traumatised deeply by other circumstances. Just not that one.

Radi0Stockport · 19/05/2023 22:01

microloewe · 19/05/2023 20:32

That is interesting. My DP was sexually abused by his father for most of his childhood. He is one of the most together people I know, he's also kind and caring and a great dad. I often wonder how

KisstheTeapot14 · 19/05/2023 22:13

DH also had a pretty traumatic and abusive childhood (his mum tried to kill both him and his sister but fortunately did not succeed). He is one of the most together, compassionate and un-fucked up people I have ever known. His sister is quite functional but I can see more evidence of emotional and other types of abuse in her behaviour.

originalnuttah · 19/05/2023 23:14

Compartmentalisation.

Betterbear · 19/05/2023 23:51

MintJulia · 19/05/2023 06:58

Children learn through experience and behave on the basis of memories. They don't forget.

I spent my whole childhood watching my df treat my dm abysmally. While I have the sense to realise that not all men behave like that, and I know people for whom marriage has been a blessing, I could never bring myself to marry a man, to tie myself legally to someone on the basis of trust. Because I don't trust them.

So while logic & reason tell me otherwise, instinct still makes me avoid it.

Interesting that you feel that way. What are your views on actually having a child?

MintJulia · 20/05/2023 02:08

@Betterbear I held off having a child until I was financially secure and confident I could provide for them properly.
Now I have a happy, healthy, kind & confident teen. We get on well, I love being a mum.

sykadelic · 20/05/2023 04:57

Yes, what happens in your childhood impacts you. Good things, bad things. Sometimes unconsciously.

I didn't think about the fact that I say "thank you" all the time, multiple times in the same transaction, was anything until my siblings mentioned they do it and how it took some time to wean off saying it all the time. The reason we do it being because we had a mother who needed constant validation. If she wasn't thanked all the time you got into trouble. At a school event requiring a fancy dress, she got the huff with me because I didn't say thank you right away at the event when she's spent "all this money".

Or how I realized I'm bad at accepting praise or appearing vain in anyway, because my parents used to sing that song "you're so vain" to me all the time.

In fact, just last week my brother mentioned that they weren't very nice to me growing up, it's put a bit of a lens over some other stuff as well.

I wasn't a bad child or a naughty child. I didn't run around town at all hours, or drink, or smoke, or anything like that... so it doesn't make sense to me. It's hard having parents that "seemed normal" but it turning out you didn't have as good or trauma free childhood as you thought you did.

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