does childhood trauma always impact you?

[itsrainin]

Just a thread inspired by poster on here that thought the OP on that thread was doubting herself due to childhood trauma.

I was wondering if anyone else has noticed things like this in themselves? Is it possible to completely forget shitty things that happened in childhood and not let it impact you?

eg my parents were quite controlling. sometimes I lack confidence in myself and think attainable things are out of reach.

There’s a huge body of evidence suggesting that the more adverse childhood events a child experiences, the greater the likelihood of various mental and physical health conditions in adulthood. It’s not really debatable.

It’s very common for people to normalise or block out childhood trauma to survive, only to realise its impact many years later. I think you can process it with therapy but it will always have an impact on your life to some extent.

It depends on the whole background and support...if a child already has low self esteem it can be more damaging. Living with risk factors like poverty, poor education, frequently moving, disabilities, unsupportive parents etc all mean trauma can have a greater or permanent impact.

Yes. I never really associated what happened with the shitty things I did in my life, the pain I caused others, but am finally (and painfully) working through it. It's not easy.

I think I does play a bit part in shaping who you are as a person and how you view the people in it.
I suffered some pretty horrendous abuse in my early teens, and it definitely played a massive part in how I presented myself to the world in the aftermath. I figured that if I could fit in with the boys around me, then they’d view me as “one of the boys” rather than as a target of their sexual advances. I went into a very masculine work place, I played sports, most of my social life revolved around sports and “hanging out with the guys”. By and large, it had the desired effect.
It took me a long time to trust men in a romantic sense - even to this day I overanalyse situations with men, if they are being flirty or even just overly polite, I always question whether there’s an ulterior motive there, because that’s the tactic my abuser used to gain my trust 🤷🏻‍♀️
Generally speaking, I live a normal life, can interact socially or at work without issue, but I also accept that if the abuse had never taken place, I’d probably be a whole different person

Trauma CAN affect you but it’s all very dependent on how it was dealt with.

if you read about adverse childhood experiences you will come to understand that if changes or support aren’t put in place after traumatic experiences then yes it does affect you as an adult- that’s not to say that you cannot then deal with them as an adult you can but you are likely to need trauma therapy in order to fully understand and do so.

I just researched ACE. Plenty of information on the things that trigger it and how it can impact a person...nothing much on how to treat it as an adult.

It is all relative. Comparing 2 peoples trauma is like comparing a sprain and a broken ankle. to each of those people the pain is real but the sprain will heal quickly and with little effect. a broken ankle will take longer and may have complications such as needing a pin or surgery. Broken ankels can then always have a weakness in that bone meaning it it easier to break in the future.
There will always be people who have a worse break than you and many others who never break thier ankle, it just important that the person with an ankle injury is treated appropriatly in the moment.

I believe that we all fundamentally experience trauma, simply through the experience of being human, which affects us all on a sliding scale. The human condition is inherently full of trauma from birth to death.

That does not mean I believe losing a parent is the equivalent of losing a teddy bear. Do you really think that's what I'm saying? Come off it.

I have explicitly stated in several of my posts that the impact of adverse events is profound and serious. You are misunderstanding me.

@peachicecream you're right. I apologise. I reacted to your posts with haste and little thought and from a purely personal perspective.

Having had my own trauma (losing a parent when I was a tot) minimised to the point of pretending it never happened, I am over sensitive.

Every child's experiences are valid and should be acknowledged.

Some have more complicated needs than others. And if not understood, can have lifelong repercussions.

Kindly, we have different definitions of success. I would not categorise what you have described as a positive outcome overall

Compassion based therapy, somatic healing, mindfullness, this is what I am doing in my late 40’s, have been in therapy for over 20 years now, neglected, misdiagnosed, wrong treatment made worse by the NHS, in the end had no choice but to go private, to get correct treament, also finally a proper diagnosis, I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t have done this. I have in the last few years been diagnosed with CPTSD & DID, main symptoms of these conditions are dysregulation, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, agoraphobia, suicide ideation, insomnia, nightmares, physical pain, migraines, bingeing. The physical, mental abuse & neglect I experienced as a child has completely fucked my life, I’ve been trying incredibly hard to not let it do this but it’s not that simple. The shame I feel is huge but I have to keep telling myself that it’s not my fault, I didn’t ask for any of this, I’m working on 2 timelines, I have 1 foot in the past & 1 foot in the present, my mind & body does things automatically, to protect me, things that saved me as a child were helpful then but no longer are as an adult, I am trying to learn to take control of this behaviour, prolonged childhood trauma massively impacts brain development, I’m trying to rewire mine.

Yes, it always impacts you. But not in a 'my life is falling apart, I'm an addict and have dysfunctional relationships due to trauma' kind of way. There is lots of great research on trauma and even minor ones (bullying) have impacts on our emotional and physical health, but they also help us to build resilience, to learn boundaries, to learn to trust our gut instincts, etc.

Best thing to remember here is everyones journey is different, well done to the ones who have successfully overcome their trauma, it’s not that easy for others, good support networks, correct treatment received etc will give better outcomes, additional later life traumas, poor support networks/social isolation, massive upheavals can cause even more issues. Unlike the previous poster my life has fallen apart, often feels like it is continuing to & will never end.

As in typical mumsnet fashion I see the ‘I’m alright Jack’ brigade are out in full force in this thread, minimising everyone elses experiences.

I saw/read/heard something from Jordan Peterson that said something along the lines of if you still think about and feel distress due to an incident that happened over a year ago, that is trauma (though I don't think he used that word).

You have experienced a threatening situation and you are still experiencing it as a threat because you don't think you have the tools to deal with it if it happens again. Essentially, you are looking for a way out and are not convinced that you have a good one.

Trauma can be "metabolised", in a sense, if you are confident that either you have changed or your circumstances have changed enough to be able to successfully deal with the same situation in the future. That can sometimes be as simple an objective look at the inciting situation and acknowledging that you are no longer the same person.

This has certainly rung true with me. It doesn't necessarily solve your problems, but it can point you in the right direction.

Also, the idea that there is some objective measure of an appropriate trauma response is a bit silly. It's inherently subjective, as a personal response to some external stimulus.

@BrieAndChilli that is a poor analogy. As higher grade ankle sprains e.g. complete ligament tears can be worse than a fracture. If you do/have done sports where ankle injuries are common then you learn this.

Where your subject matter is good is that some sprains can be first perceived as fractures and vice versa. So the injury needs to be investigated asap so suitable treatment can be given. However even with suitable treatment there can still be weakness left in the ankle.

I was sexually assaulted as a 7 year old by a much older boy on holiday in France. This didn’t affect me as I suppressed the memory until my 30s.
However my parents’ behaviour and control affected my self esteem and confidence. I believe this led to an eating disorder throughout ny teenage years. I am still resentful towards them and their attempts to continue this control continue to date. I’m in my 40s!
When I told them about the sexual assault they laughed. I don’t think they believed me.

This comment is ironic. You are critical of anyone you perceive to be (but may not be) downplaying the experiences you endured by making what you deem to be unreasonable comparisons, whilst directly and explicitly downplaying other people's experiences. Trauma isn't a dick measuring contest; the only comparison anyone is entitled to make between the emotional impact of one event over another is the individual themselves because it's all relative. Keep that in mind.

I think childhood trauma always has an impact, but people bear it in different ways.
Some people acknowledge it, lock it away, and carry on, which could be considered unhealthy as its denial based.
Others cannot and it significantly affects their adult life.
I think it's always there though, whether it's jailed in the subconscious or overtly causing difficulty.

I've n/ced for this as have already posted on this thread. My traumatic experiences started when I was 2 and lasted until I was 18 - at least the painful side of them. My mother, who was widowed when I was two, made me then endure over 30 really painful and, on occasion, life threatening surgeries which were unnecessary and completely awful.

My pain and fear was ignored every time; I was left alone in hospital beds with no parent allowed in until visiting times, from that young age; I learnt that I couldn't say no, I couldn't cry and I couldn't expect any real kindness after each one; just everyone telling her have brave she was. I missed a lot of school, got bullied and laughed at and wasn't allowed to be sad about that either. I worked super hard when was in school and achieved a lot academically, still no real praise.
She said ' No one would know what you've been through' a lot. She made sure everyone knew what SHE'D been though through and I felt sorry for HER.

When I said no at 18, she was furious. I became an alcoholic, I lived a life of pushing it down and making light of it - in face became a massive mess. She made me go to therapy for 'upsetting her'. She never ever admitted she could have been at fault; in fact used to cry for her poor brave self if I said that maybe those experiences had made me who I was.

Long story short - I'm sober now - for 12 years and am finally getting really intense therapy which is bloody hard; I have an amazing husband and family and a job I'm very good at.

However, doing the ACE tests and other such things are hopeless. Where is the question about living with Munchausen's by proxy, a cruel parent and a dead parent?
And yes, I get pissed off with statements like 'everyone has been through trauma' - Can we not say 'bad things'? Real trauma is shit.

Today I still hate mirrors always will do due to being called fat from 13 always being put down I went NC 16 years and most poisonous are dead now. Sister I’ve NC..

Yes it will always impact a person. It changes the neural pathways, changes the formation of self, relationships, trust, love and many more.
All people will experience some form of upset in childhood and whilst I understand the need to accept and appreciate, that we can all feel we have experienced trauma, not only can that minimise severe trauma it can immobilise growth in others.
I agree we can never know another’s experience/feelings.
That doesn’t mean though that someone who had to move house, leave friends. Suffered the same as someone experiencing CSE, abuse neglect or munchausens.
Again these discussions are difficult, I say that as a therapist and have had these debates in training over the years.
It is too complex and holds too much power to hurt, which is why people can misunderstand each other.

What is clear though is that so much more help needs to be put in place both for the children living it and the adults trying to cope. I have seen promising studies from the US about using hypnotherapy as an acute treatment for singular event/accident induced trauma.
We need to look outside the NHS box.

From personal experience, yes childhood trauma does have an impact on adult life. I have C-PTSD, and I wouldn't want to wish it on anyone.

@peachicecream Nonsense. You are doing a massive disservice to people who have actually endured childhood trauma.

From the article you linked:

What came back to me during one of the sessions was a situation, when I got a slam from my dad for setting the dried grass on fire at my neighbor's lawn (the fire spread in a few seconds and it was pretty close to reach the neighbour's house)

What does 'a slam' mean? Is it a thump? Or a stern telling off?

This is the only example from that article that I would agree with could cause trauma - growing up with an angry, explosive parent who cannot be reliably trusted, who may lash out, the child experiences chronic anxiety from never feeling safe. Some will develop c-ptsd in that scenario.

But we don't know if that was the case, or if in the example provided the exasperated parent gave the kid a halfhearted push, or shouted at them angrily (again, what is a slam?) in a moment of fear at the fire. A one off. Kid not normally ever scared of parent. They resolve the rupture in the parent child relationship after the fire, child goes back to feeling confident in their parent as their safe adult. We just don't know.

At another time, I recalled a situation when I got a B at a maths test and when I got home, all I could hear was "why not an A?". At that time, the feeling of being "not good enough" was seeded at me.

I also remember well the moment as it came back to me when I was on one of my first holiday camps, dying of loneliness. I remembered I had to share a room with boys who disliked me, and I felt "different".

I also had a vivid memory from my elementary school: a "colleague" of mine came up with a nasty nickname for me, which he would use whenever he had a chance.

It is offensive and self indulgent bullshit to describe these three above events as 'trauma' in my opinion.

That comment about the A is doing a lot of heavy lifting, if it was one clumsy comment that "seeded" a feeling of "not good enough"

Parents all make mistakes. That is the whole concept of the "good enough" mother, really, that there is no such thing as the perfect parent and if there was it would actually be problematic - because the child would not be equipped for independent life in the long run if they grew up meeting absolutely no adversity and experiencing absolutely no conflict, with their needs being always perfectly met at all times.

They are certainly unpleasant and difficult childhood memories, but not trauma. Not unless it was part of ongoing bullying from either the parent who made a crap comment about the grade, or from the peers at camp or school.

So no, all of us don't experience trauma as children. It is disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

Yes it definitely does in my case. My dad was (and still is an alcoholic). Never knew which version of him I'd get (happy, sad, angry, playful, dictator). I'm now quite an anxious person.

I don't blame him, I also think I have the ability to shape my own future but I do unfortunately have some of his less favourable personality traits.