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Original poster

Did you consider the age of your parents when deciding to start a family?

114 replies

neeor · 18/05/2023 20:02

Curious really if anyone gave it much thought?

I know none of us know what the future holds but I’d really like to hope my parents will see our DC to adulthood and beyond. They had me older, as did DHs parents, which has led to us choosing to start a family in our mid 20s so that we have plenty of time together as a big family unit like at Christmases and suchlike. I only had one grandparent alive by the time I was born and she was in her 70s so I never had the same memories growing up with her around, she always seemed ‘old’.

OP posts:
HagsGlen · 18/05/2023 20:04

No, and I think it’s a deeply odd reason to start a family. Unless you’re afire to have children early, anyway, for your own reasons.

aSofaNearYou · 18/05/2023 20:04

Sort of, yes, I had my kids in my mid twenties partly because I wanted to be around for a lot of their life, and by extension yes I did think the same thing about my parents.

SarahSmith2023 · 18/05/2023 20:04

Nope because you can't change it, so what's the point.

one of my grandparents died when my Mum was a small child,

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Original poster
neeor · 18/05/2023 20:06

HagsGlen · 18/05/2023 20:04

No, and I think it’s a deeply odd reason to start a family. Unless you’re afire to have children early, anyway, for your own reasons.

I should’ve been clearer. I don’t mean it as a sole reason, just one of many influencers of deciding (once you have the foundations in place like financial, housing and relationship stability)

OP posts:
BrighterLater · 18/05/2023 20:07

I wanted children 'someday'. My dad being diagnosed with cancer made me realise that the time was now.

My eldest was 7 when he died. They have limited memories of him, but I have memories of him with them and they mean a lot to me.

So not really age, but life span, and probably not quite for the reasons you meant OP. But yes, my parents impacted the time I had children

SomePosters · 18/05/2023 20:09

Yes, or rather the opposite I realised at 25 that the younger you have kids the more time you have with potential grandkids

my mum is aging quite young due to a hard life and lack of proper care as a child. I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer as ten year later I’m starting to develop aches and pains and can’t imagine keeping up with a toddler now!

CadburyDream · 18/05/2023 20:11

No I'm not close to my family and don't spend Xmas with them and my parents don't babysit

MrsSamR · 18/05/2023 20:12

I didn't really have a choice as I didn't meet my husband until I was 31 and had my first DD at 34 and my second at 37. Naturally this means my parents are on the older side in their late 60s. It makes me sad when my Dad talks about hoping he makes it until my youngest daughter is 18 as I hadn't really thought about it. But as others have said sometimes people die young randomly and I couldn't have started any younger so I try not to think about it and hope my parents stay in good health.

thaegumathteth · 18/05/2023 20:16

No didn't even consider it tbh. Mum was 38 and dad was 41 when I was born (I was the youngest).

I did have kids in my mid 20s but didn't even think of my parents ages at all.

As it was my kids are now 12&15 and lost grandparents at 5/6 & 8/9. They have two grandparents left.

Hugasauras · 18/05/2023 20:19

No. My DH lost both his parents before I met him so my girls only have my side. Neither of my DH's parents reached 50. My grandad lived till 93 and my gran is 90! My mum is 70 next year and my girls adore her, they spend so much time together. She has Stage 4 cancer, so it's all about quality of time they spend together now. When it's the right time for you to have kids is the main thing because there are no guarantees about anything.

Hugasauras · 18/05/2023 20:20

Also my mum was 32 when she had me, and I was 32 when I had first DC. I got a very long time with my grandad; my girls won't get quite as long with their gran. It's just the way life goes sometimes.

Fizbosshoes · 18/05/2023 20:22

I had my DC when I was late 20s/early 30s, so not especially old. 3 out of 4 GPS were 70 the year that my eldest was born. But my mum was 59 when DD was born and she died when DD was 4, DS was 1. Now 3 of their gps have died and I feel sad that neither grandmother saw how beautiful DD looked at her school prom, or that my mum didn't get to know DS or see his first day of school etc but we can't change it. I'm glad there are pictures with all of them

Blomonje · 18/05/2023 20:24

No I didn’t consider it, but I wish I had. Your life is a lot harder if your parents are too old to help with childcare. I haven’t had a night out for five years, while others with kids the same age are out every weekend because their parents babysit. And they don’t need wrap around care in order to work because their parents look after the kids.

eurochick · 18/05/2023 20:25

I didn't consider it at all. I had my child when I was in a stable relationship with someone I thought would be a good father and it was the right time in my life. And then I had to wait four years cos my fertility was crap.

The most active of the four grandparents died quite suddenly when my daughter was eight. The one who has had six different types of cancer is still around. Who knows what the future will bring. You just have to do what is right for you.

TheFluffiestCat · 18/05/2023 20:27

No. I didn't meet DH until I was 30 and hadn't been with anyone I wanted to have children with before. It worked out well though, my mum and MIL both retired at the same time as DD was born, and were incredibly helpful with childcare. My mum still does loads, MIL not so much now as she's had some health problems.

WaitingfortheTardis · 18/05/2023 20:28

No, wouldn't have crossed my mind.

HowToLearnToLoveMyself · 18/05/2023 20:31

I always wanted dc young. Had 1st at 22. Unfortunately that relationship after 6 years become DV.
I didn't expect to have more dc 12 years later.
My parents had me young as did dhs. So all our parents are alive and working /early retirement And they all love having the dcs for the day taking them out. Doing things all together.
In fact until 2 years ago our dcs still had 1 great grandma my side and 2 sets of great grandparents dh side now there's 2 ggm and 1ggf

Original poster
neeor · 18/05/2023 20:38

Blomonje · 18/05/2023 20:24

No I didn’t consider it, but I wish I had. Your life is a lot harder if your parents are too old to help with childcare. I haven’t had a night out for five years, while others with kids the same age are out every weekend because their parents babysit. And they don’t need wrap around care in order to work because their parents look after the kids.

This is one of the thoughts, not that we’d expect them to help but just generally with being able to do things with them

OP posts:
Mum2jenny · 18/05/2023 20:39

No, never crossed my mind

Mum2jenny · 18/05/2023 20:40

Never considered using my dps or pil for childcare as they lived far to far away from us.

HagsGlen · 18/05/2023 20:41

Blomonje · 18/05/2023 20:24

No I didn’t consider it, but I wish I had. Your life is a lot harder if your parents are too old to help with childcare. I haven’t had a night out for five years, while others with kids the same age are out every weekend because their parents babysit. And they don’t need wrap around care in order to work because their parents look after the kids.

Some grandparents are young and don’t help with childcare, because they’re working FT, live in another country or just think they’ve done their stint of childcare. It’s a bit of a big assumption that young grandparents are going to want nothing better in life than to act as your childcare, surely.

AlltheFs · 18/05/2023 20:41

No.

I had DD when my parents were 70, inlaws much older. We had a child when we wanted one, no-one else came in to it.

mast0650 · 18/05/2023 20:42

No, but my parents had me young (24) so it wasn't an issue. Unfortunately they both died relatively young so they still didn't see my kids grow up and my mum didn't meet my youngest sister's kids at all.

I thought about my husband's age! He is 11 years older than me and I probably would have waited a bit longer if he was my age. His parents were obviously quite a bit older than mine, but that wasn't a factor!

I can't imagine it being a significant factor. I'd imagine other stuff would be much more important.

Chypre · 18/05/2023 20:43

Yes, but from another perspective. My parents had me when they were 19/20, so I always knew I don't want to be the young (immature and overly dramatic) parent. Same for my husband - he had it even worse, his childhood was spent mostly with nan while parents would catch up on youth stuff like going out or inviting friends over etc, he still holds this against them.

majjjorca · 18/05/2023 20:44

My parents were in my late 30s when I was born and them being around for my wedding/ DC has always worried me.

Man proposes and god disposes and all that. I understand how you feel.