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Original poster

Did you consider the age of your parents when deciding to start a family?

114 replies

neeor · 18/05/2023 20:02

Curious really if anyone gave it much thought?

I know none of us know what the future holds but I’d really like to hope my parents will see our DC to adulthood and beyond. They had me older, as did DHs parents, which has led to us choosing to start a family in our mid 20s so that we have plenty of time together as a big family unit like at Christmases and suchlike. I only had one grandparent alive by the time I was born and she was in her 70s so I never had the same memories growing up with her around, she always seemed ‘old’.

OP posts:
tailinthejam · 18/05/2023 21:45

No, because both of my parents were already dead before I even met DH.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 18/05/2023 21:52

Nope. I never had grandparents so it's not something I thought about. My dad died young and my mum had already married and moved away by the time I had DD. She had no interest in any family I had so she wasn't any part of my thought process for having DD.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 18/05/2023 21:55

Why would I even have thought of that?

They live(d) their lives, I live mine. I love them, but their ages have zero bearing on any of my life choices. What an entirely batshit notion.

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Cyantist · 18/05/2023 21:55

I did. We decided to try to start a family pretty young compared to my parents. Unfortunately it took so long to conceive that by the time we had out first, we were much older than my parents were when I was born.
I do feel sad about my children no having their grandparents around for as long but that's just how it is.

Glitterandmud · 18/05/2023 21:56

No, but my DPs had me young so even though I was in my 30s when I had my dcs, they weren't old. But DHs parents had him later, we have primary age dc who can't remember FIL and are watching MIL fade away with dementia. None of it can be helped, we were ttc for years, MIL was a fabulous Gran before she got ill, just the way it goes sometimes sadly.

Youknownorhing · 18/05/2023 21:58

Bloody hell.. jf I or kids started reproducing at the same age as my parents, I would be quite shocked.

My very middle-class mother had her first child at 21 her second at 23 her third at 24 and her fourth at 26.

My kids are currently 21, 25 and 27 I would be horrified if any of them had children quite yet!

Notamum12345577 · 18/05/2023 22:00

neeor · 18/05/2023 20:02

Curious really if anyone gave it much thought?

I know none of us know what the future holds but I’d really like to hope my parents will see our DC to adulthood and beyond. They had me older, as did DHs parents, which has led to us choosing to start a family in our mid 20s so that we have plenty of time together as a big family unit like at Christmases and suchlike. I only had one grandparent alive by the time I was born and she was in her 70s so I never had the same memories growing up with her around, she always seemed ‘old’.

My mother in law was 37/38 when my son was born, and my mum was 44 and my dad 48. That wasn’t the reason we had our kids young, but it has been good as they were young enough to run around with them 😁. My mum also died at 59, so at least she had 15 years to enjoy being a grandparent as well.

StJulian2023 · 18/05/2023 22:00

Not at all, but as it happens my 14 and 11 year olds have four grandparents still, but their dad died when they were 5 and 7. It’s had the most awful impact on us all but couldn’t have been predicted.

PollyVerano · 18/05/2023 22:01

My mum died when I was 14 so no.
My husband died when our DCs were 4 and 8 so you can't guarantee a parent never mind a grandparent.

Dacadactyl · 18/05/2023 22:02

Youknownorhing · 18/05/2023 21:58

Bloody hell.. jf I or kids started reproducing at the same age as my parents, I would be quite shocked.

My very middle-class mother had her first child at 21 her second at 23 her third at 24 and her fourth at 26.

My kids are currently 21, 25 and 27 I would be horrified if any of them had children quite yet!

Even the 27 year old?!

mastertomsmum · 18/05/2023 22:02

It tends to be a thing potential grandparents say, especially if they are keen to be grandparents. My late Mum used to say she wished she’d been younger when she became a grandparent. The DS is 17 and my bro’s step children are over 40. She got to meet her step great grand kids, so I think that was pretty good going.

As for planning, a long road to parenthood was how it panned out for me. Mum and Dad were in their 70s when DS was born and the main emotion was joy. Dad, well over 90 now

aSofaNearYou · 18/05/2023 22:03

Youknownorhing · 18/05/2023 21:58

Bloody hell.. jf I or kids started reproducing at the same age as my parents, I would be quite shocked.

My very middle-class mother had her first child at 21 her second at 23 her third at 24 and her fourth at 26.

My kids are currently 21, 25 and 27 I would be horrified if any of them had children quite yet!

Why would you be horrified that a 25/27 year old had a child? This is perfectly conventional.

FatAgain · 18/05/2023 22:03

I regret not having my children sooner, yes.

I am also aware that I will most likely be dead by the time they’re my age.

blanketsforall · 18/05/2023 22:04

My parents were late 30's when I was born and I didn't marry and have children until I was early 30's so they were 70 by then - not something I could do much about, although did feel a bit sad that my siblings who are quite a bit younger, their children had longer with their GPs

Changeforachange · 18/05/2023 22:05

No. If I'd had babies in my mid 20's because of my parents age, my kids would have a right nobhead as a dad.

I had kids when I was settled with the right person.

DutchCowgirl · 18/05/2023 22:10

My mother died suddenly when my youngest was 2 years old. I was so grateful that she had known him and spent time with him.
I couldn’t bare the thought of having another baby, one that my mother had never met… it made my family complete in a weird way.

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2023 22:10

Why the fuck would I do that?

I was more bothered about whether I was ready for kids and whether we could afford kids.

That was not in my twenties. The age of my parents was irrelevant to whether we owned a house...

Hollyppp · 18/05/2023 22:13

Yes, had my DS when I was 29 and my mum was 61. I didn’t want to leave it any later as I wanted her to be a part of my kids lives. I’m so glad I did as I can see she’s getting older and more tired every year. My brother plans to wait until he’s 40 to consider kids and I think he will be shocked how grandparents won’t be keen to help!!

HagsGlen · 18/05/2023 22:15

Hollyppp · 18/05/2023 22:13

Yes, had my DS when I was 29 and my mum was 61. I didn’t want to leave it any later as I wanted her to be a part of my kids lives. I’m so glad I did as I can see she’s getting older and more tired every year. My brother plans to wait until he’s 40 to consider kids and I think he will be shocked how grandparents won’t be keen to help!!

Maybe ‘free childcare’ doesn’t feature in his ‘reasons to have children now’ list?

DisappointingAvocado · 18/05/2023 22:15

Yes it did play a part for me. My mum had me at 25 and I knew all my grandparents, had a lovely relationship with them throughout my childhood. They all lived into my 20s, even my grandad who died unexpectedly at 69. I always knew I wanted to have my own kids before I was 30 although do also recognise my good fortune in meeting a compatible spouse with which to do that and achieving sufficient financial stability. I'm 33 now with a 3 and 5 year old and it's wonderful seeing the relationship they have with all their grandparents, who all live too far away to do regular childcare etc but make a huge effort and are, for example, able and keen to get down on the floor and play with them. My kids have met 5 of their great-grandparents and will probably only remember one of them, but I still found it very special being able to introduce them as babies.

Interesting how many people are saying we're "batshit" for even considering it though!

Newnamenewname109870 · 18/05/2023 22:15

Yes I was desperate to start in my twenties as my parents were older.

Newnamenewname109870 · 18/05/2023 22:16

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2023 22:10

Why the fuck would I do that?

I was more bothered about whether I was ready for kids and whether we could afford kids.

That was not in my twenties. The age of my parents was irrelevant to whether we owned a house...

Because for some people it’s a really big deal

aSofaNearYou · 18/05/2023 22:22

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2023 22:10

Why the fuck would I do that?

I was more bothered about whether I was ready for kids and whether we could afford kids.

That was not in my twenties. The age of my parents was irrelevant to whether we owned a house...

Well because some people are bothered by the idea of only seeing 20/30 years of their DCs life and the thought that they won't have family around when their DC are growing up. Is that really so hard to understand?

Mummyof287 · 18/05/2023 22:26

Not sure if this is what you're getting at, but I definitely decided I wanted my children younger than my parents did (i was 28 & 33 and DH 27 & 33) wheras they were 36 & 46) partly because I wanted them to have grandparents around for longer than I did, if they have kids for me & DH to be around longer in their lives than my parents have been/will be (my dad sadly died in 2021 aged 80, when my oldest was 4 and youngest 3wks) but my mum who is in her early 70s is an amazing grandma

Nottodaty · 18/05/2023 22:27

My Mum was 18 when she had me so yes I knew I didn’t want to be the same age as her. I also wanted it not to be as hard financially as it was as I was growing up. So it wasn’t just about the age.

I have young parents and grandparents so it is lovely in that respect, my children have got to know my Grandparents. My Granny is a Great Great Granny!