Hit neighbours car and drove off

[Lavenderleopard]

Yes I know I'm a idiot, I just need someone who isn't my husband to talk this through with.
So this evening as I reversed out my drive the back of my car made contact with my neighbours car which had been parked across the street. I knew that the cars had touched but really thought it was nothing, no noise when it happened, didn't feel anything in my car, only knew because I saw how close the other car was when I looked in the rearview mirror. As I thought (stupidly) nothing had happened I drove off.
Another neighbour saw what happened and told the neighbour who's car I hit. This neighbour then went round to my house when I was out and spoke to my husband about it. I have had the lecture on how immature I was and "what if it had been a child" from my husband and feel suitably awful. I am planning on going round to apologise in the morning.
How am I best to approach this? I feel like being honest and saying I didn't think I'd done any damage won't go down well. My husband says they weren't angry and don't want any money (their car wasn't damaged) it was a more of a "we're disappointed" sort of thing. My husband has told me I've embarrassed our family in front of the neighbours now and I should be ashamed to show my face for a while. Going to be up all night worrying about this.

I would definitely apologize to the neighbor of the other car to keep future relationships good but the neighbor who immediately went to them to tell would only get a short greeting from me from now on and a hard no if they ever ask for any favors. And I would be reading my husband the riot act over trying to shame me into apologizing for damage I didn’t cause and for treating me like a child.

A couple of year ago, hubby reversed out of drive and hit our neighbours brothers car (it was parked illegally but that's by the by)
It was dark, hubby was recovering from covid and just nipped our to pick me up from work.
As soon as we got back, I knocked and let them know what had happened. There looked to be little damage (a tiny sink in the passenger door).... cost our insurance company almost £2k....

I’d take a note apologising and some chocolates round? You could tell them you didn’t realise you’d hit it? I hit dh’s car once and genuinely did not realise I’d touched it at all…….never felt a thing.

maybe get some reverse sensors fitted.

I'm sorry that you have a husband who can't manage his emotions enough to give a grown up response to a trivial situation. Maybe he's worried about your safety, driving while tired, but he needs to be more supportive and practical. He shouldn't be telling you off like a child. It almost sounds like he's taking advantage of the event to boost himself and have a self-righteous tirade against you. You might need to get some specific support on that if it's normal for him.

As far as cars touching without damage, I think most people wouldn't actually say anything. I once 'kissed' another car with my bumper as I reversed out of a parking space near local shops. I waited for ages until the owners came back and I told them what had happened, stressing the fact that no damage had happened. They were very sweet about it and we had a nice chat.

If you ever touch another car in future, then it's worth telling them straight away, just for the praise you will probably get for being so conscientious. What you don't need is bystanders and family being gleefully spiteful at 'catching you out' in something that is an everyday non-issue.

Has he done anything recently to make your life easier? As a knackered new mother?

This is so, so normal. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I’ve done stuff like this when sleep deprived (or even not!)

Is there anyone in your life to chat to about this stuff and know that you’re normal but also worthy of care and support and love?

Did a neighbour really come over to report that they had seen you make no damage to another neighbours car? That's a bit odd. Was it your husband who saw and he's make a fuss to pick on you? You do not need to tell someone that you didn't damage their car. You husband should have told the 'neighbour' this.

I would have stopped and said something at the time but you can’t go back in time now. Just take them some wine and say you were in a rush, didn’t think you’d done any damage and that can be the end of it.

I agree wholeheartedly with @CaffeinateMeNow I am peri menopausal and you would not believe the ridiculous things I do every day. I also did the same thing as you a year ago OP and there were no issues with anyone. Your neighbour who saw and the told the other one is a curtain twitching arse as well. When I had a 3 month old I could barely remember my name, once left my boot open and the keys in the ignition when I went for my food shop!

Tell your neighbour you are crazy sleep deprived and hormonal, you didn't even realise you'd hit the car and add a few tears in for good measure. And tell your husband to get a grip, go stay in a hotel for a night and see how he manages on his own after a few sleep deprived nights!

My husband did this. He was taking one of the kids to school so he checked when he got back, saw a small amount of damage and knocked on their door. Just say that you were going to inspect on your return. I don’t think that is an unreasonable thing to do.

Read OP post she KNEW she hit it it was just luck it wasn’t damage then fucked off

suppose we’re all different I was brought up to respect other peoples property and if you do something take responsibility for it but I guess we’re all different

More to the point OP has left herself wide open if there was damage already plastics doesn’t rust so be difficult to prove it wasn’t her
they could report it to the police as they have a witness to the accident and seeing her drive off without stopping
granted the police wouldn’t be interested be the slightest but it would have a crime ref number and insurance company would Peruse it

if you do something take responsibility for it

But she didn't do anything. If OP was walking past the neighbours car and brushed it with her arm, does OP need to inform the neighbour?

If you're looking after a three-month old then why the fuck isn't your husband the one popping out for errands?

Look, lesson learned about the car: any time contact is made, leave a note, only because there'll be some shit-stirring neighbour lurking around. Go apologise to car-owning neighbour. If I were you, I couldn't resist passive-aggressively saying, "We should really check for damage. Sure there's no damage? Let's check. Let's take photos. Let's take it to the garage!!!"

Your husband is a pig.

Have u missed the bit where she said the cars made contact

Have you missed the bit where she said there's no damage, and the neighbours don't want/need any money?

Tbh OP if there's not even a scuff mark, and you said you didn't feel anything or hear anything, are you even sure you hit it?

I'm just here to agree with most of the other posters as I'm so horrified by the absolute state of your husband, who, if you think back to your wedding, has made a solemn and legally binding promise to always put you first and stand by you when times are hard.

I think you probably didn't hit the car but even if you did there was no damage, so so fucking what? I've backed very slowly into a neighbour's bumper before, no damage, no need to chat. A couple of weeks ago nother neighbour's visitor parked actually pressed up against mine, reg plate to reg plate like a beautiful auto romance. No damage, no need for any discussion. This sort of thing happens when you live somewhere parking is tight, and only an arsehole gets worked up about it.

But more importantly, who the fuck does your husband think he is to call you immature and criticise you for running low on nappies? He's not your dad, or your boss at work. You have a 3 month old baby, AND SO DOES HE so why is it not his fault that there aren't enough nappies in the house?

What I’m missing is how u can tell no damage without getting out to look
lucky guess I presume

yes you should.

Whether you like it or not, many people would view you differently in future if they think you're the kind of person who drives away from a possible 'accident' scene without checking to make sure there is no damage.

If you had got out of your car and checked to see if there had been any damage and then driven away it would have been different.

Rereading in the cold light of day I'm taking in that you're doing the shopping and the cooking as well as looking after the baby, and your 'D'H's main problem is that you're not doing it to the standards that might be usual for someone who is not chronically sleep-deprived (plus has hormones doing a complete reset).

And two of the complaints seem to be that you did not damage the neighbour's car and did not run out of nappies?

The person who has an issue to deal with here is your husband, not you. The rest sounds like normal life to me. If he's so unhappy about your nappy-purchasing timing he should feel free to stock up earlier himself. Ditto mealtimes, he can do the planning/shopping/cooking? Then he won't have to worry about there not being an ingredient missing, or you forgetting your purse when you go to the shops. Just a thought!

As others have said, the only problems here are nosy neighbour and DH who is a major problem.

The stress he’s putting on you affects your DC too and is a bigger issue than anything he’s haranguing you about.

The absentmindedness you and others describe is well known and is there for a good reason - your whole being is taken up by the care of a newborn. DH is judging every time you fall short of being ‘non post partum’.

Everything I did in those post partum months - like having my watch in my hand and then scooping up a wash load and putting it in the washing machine, watch included - I suddenly realised one day that none of these things put my baby at risk and none were important compared to her. My whole being was focused in that regard, nothing absentminded going on there.

Things that would normally matter, like my watch, just didn’t. It’s funny looking back, as all the anecdotes on this thread show. But it’s also easy to judge and take pot shots like your DH is - as if you’re somehow underfunctioning when you’re actually massively over functioning at this time, just as nature wants you to do.

Well I've been round 3 time's this morning and no answer so I'm going to be spending my entire day worrying

No don’t do that. Put a note through the door

As in don’t spend your day worrying

Pop a simple note through door: "Hi it's [me], I think my car contacted yours earlier. Didn't feel any impact or see damage but let's check when you have a minute. My number is [xyz]." And that's it! No apologies, no mentions of others.

Take a photo of the note before you put it through the door.

And that's it!!!! They'll either text you back telling you not to be daft or theyll look at the undamaged car with you.

You sound all flustered and no wonder, with your husband constantly pecking at you. Tell him to make himself useful.