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Original poster

Do any of your teens not do any extracurricular activities?

86 replies

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2023 11:12

DD is 13 and will be going into year 3 of secondary school in September, so 14 in October. Throughout her childhood, she's tried many different activities - swimming, dance, gymnastics, martial arts (two different types) and most recently I reluctantly agreed for her to not do sport, as she's not really motivated to, and take up guitar lessons. She's showed very little interest and I have to nag her to practice - which she does for about 10 mins, if that. So after spending yet more money (buying a guitar and amp - second hand, but still pricey) on an activity she's not into, now she wants to give up after just one term. Should I insist that she tries it for longer and puts more effort into practicing or shall I just give up and let her do nothing?

She spends way too much time on screens as is, which is a constant source of arguments at home. She also has ADHD inattentive type, for which the symptoms can be reduced by doing sports or other activities. Screens are the worst thing for it.

Do any of your teens of the same age do nothing apart from school, screens and seeing friends? I would love for her to find her "thing", but so far no luck. She used to love reading and goes back to it from time to time, but inevitably the pull of screens is greater and she loses interest. As she's getting older and has more autonomy I feel I can't exactly insist that she does an activity, as she's not into it and I'm basically spending money for no reason.

OP posts:
shivawn · 15/05/2023 11:16

This was me as a teenager, my mum tried to get me in to loads of different things but I just didn't have the interest to stick with any of them. As an adult I don't have any extracurriculars either....I love traveling, hiking and the outdoors but wouldn't call any of them hobbies. I don't feel like it's held me back at all and I have a very full life.

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2023 11:21

shivawn · 15/05/2023 11:16

This was me as a teenager, my mum tried to get me in to loads of different things but I just didn't have the interest to stick with any of them. As an adult I don't have any extracurriculars either....I love traveling, hiking and the outdoors but wouldn't call any of them hobbies. I don't feel like it's held me back at all and I have a very full life.

That's good to hear. I do tell myself that she's 13 and it's unlikely that she'll be a grumpy screen addict for life. I suppose it's the ADHD that makes me push a bit more as the symptoms can be reduced with sport and certain activities, however I think it's a combination of her age and the ADHD which is making her to apathetic about doing anything. All of my friends kids seem to have a full schedule of activities they love and I feel bad for DD and like I've somehow failed a bit as a parent. My mum is always on at me about it too, which doesn't help.

OP posts:
prozac23 · 15/05/2023 22:26

I've got 2 kids who are now older teenagers and neither of them have done a single activity ever! They just didn't want to and I can honestly say they have friends and enjoy life and just like hanging out with friends and family and screen stuff. Absolutely zero issues about it and I've had a wonderful time not driving all over every night and weekend. It sounds like hell to me when I hear what other parents lives are like.
I did no activities as a child but have had loads of hobbies as an adult.

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CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 15/05/2023 22:29

One club after school and taking part in a play with rehearsals twice a week and DD has little time to do homework!
She's yr8, going into yr9 in September. Workload will increase and so she may drop the one club.

Inthebathagain · 15/05/2023 22:32

prozac23 · 15/05/2023 22:26

I've got 2 kids who are now older teenagers and neither of them have done a single activity ever! They just didn't want to and I can honestly say they have friends and enjoy life and just like hanging out with friends and family and screen stuff. Absolutely zero issues about it and I've had a wonderful time not driving all over every night and weekend. It sounds like hell to me when I hear what other parents lives are like.
I did no activities as a child but have had loads of hobbies as an adult.

Ditto. My teens weren't bothered at all. Both have a good group of friends around them.

StJulian2023 · 15/05/2023 22:34

My eldest has just turned 14 and has Inattentive type adhd too. We had the exact same with the guitar 🙄

He’s tried lots of things but the only thing that stuck was the no-pressure local church youth group with the great tuck shop 🤣

Out of the blue he just joined Army Cadets - I think it’s to impress a girl he likes but whatever the reason, I’m so glad he’s getting out.

It’s hard, isn’t it? They need more physical activity but they so often have no motivation.

lilsupersparks · 15/05/2023 22:40

Mine do Scouts/Cubs/Beavers for their age, swimming and at least one fitness activity or sport. My eldest doesn’t like sports really so does Aerial Hoop (he is 13). If he chooses to stop this, I will encourage him to do something else for fitness - maybe CrossFit or running. I don’t really care what he chooses or if he sticks at it. If he wanted to try a load of different activities 6 weeks at a time, so be it! They also do other things as they choose - Lego STEM club at school, music lessons, ballet… the three younger ones do golf and rugby.

I really would encourage some kind of exercise regularly. Is there something you could do together - Yoga? Pilates? Couch to 5k?

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 15/05/2023 22:46

Im a mental health practitioner and i think hobbies are really important for wellbeing, so mine have always generally tried something.

Dancing, football, kickboxing, horseriding and boxing in our house.

Boxing has done my son's confidence a world of good.

daffodilandtulip · 15/05/2023 22:51

Sometimes it seems like parents building these kinds of schedules do it for themselves more than their children...

DD does one activity, twice a week; DS doesn't do any. Both are happy, sociable and have good friends.

waterlego · 15/05/2023 22:56

My DS is 15 and loves sport so he is out several times a week doing various things. Also does Scouts and goes fishing and mountain biking. He still manages to spend a lot of time on screens though!

DD is 17 and has never been into extracurricular stuff. She has some talents which she could have made good use of (singing, drama) and is naturally athletic but doesn’t like sport! The only thing she stuck with for any length of time was Rainbows/Brownies/Guides. She is sociable and has lots of friends but just doesn’t really like doing stuff other than TikTok and chatting 😂

somedayMaybes · 15/05/2023 23:10

Funny mt DD oct 2009 born too also as inattentive ADHD but always wants to do everything. Also has lots of home hobby in tech craft fan fiction

I say to all my kids min of 4hr a week aport or jon pocket money

DD is on two mess. She is high energy so cqn do 2-3 a day qnd be fine but when meds wear off 8pm ish shes half dopey

She does
Ballet - 2.5h inc point on 2 days
After school coding - 0.5h
Gymnastics - 1h
Tuition - maths eng l&l IT - 5h over 3 days
Horse mucking out & riding - 5h

She wants to do martial arts and army cadets (loves any social and being busy!) but too much and organisation at school collapses

She wouldnt sleep without alot on. She has energy of 2.5 people!!

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 15/05/2023 23:32

Mine is 16 and mostly didn't bother with organised activities. She had a go at Drama and Irish Dancing but she gave them both up quickly. She prefers to go walking or take her camera out to do photography. She has expressed a wish to try rock climbing this summer to build up some muscle (she's quite weedy) so she made her own enquiries and found a centre on her own but that's it.

Her friends are very much into sports, like football and cricket. My DD has never taken to team sports preferring to exercise for health over competitiveness.

Beezknees · 16/05/2023 05:47

Mine doesn't.

I don't really get all the angst about screens to be honest. If it's affecting their attitude and school work then yes it's an issue, but if not then I don't think it's a big deal. My DS spends most of his downtime on screens but he does what he should around the house, has plenty of friends, no issues at school and is predicted very high grades (he wants to do veterinary science) so I let him crack on.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 16/05/2023 05:53

My 13 year old doesn't really do anything outside of school. She will do netball or hockey or drama sometimes but they only run for a short time. She is very social and sees friends a lot but she's never really sound her "thing" in terms of extra curricular activities. She's tried ballet, football, piano, gymnastics but none stuck.

lalalalalalaleeee · 16/05/2023 06:23

prozac23 · 15/05/2023 22:26

I've got 2 kids who are now older teenagers and neither of them have done a single activity ever! They just didn't want to and I can honestly say they have friends and enjoy life and just like hanging out with friends and family and screen stuff. Absolutely zero issues about it and I've had a wonderful time not driving all over every night and weekend. It sounds like hell to me when I hear what other parents lives are like.
I did no activities as a child but have had loads of hobbies as an adult.

Same here!

aramox1 · 16/05/2023 06:26

Yep. Dropped everything at secondary. For years did and still does nothing but occasional football with mates. Far too much screen time. There's only so much you can do as a parent.

NoraLuka · 16/05/2023 06:31

My DDs are 15 and 17 and have never done out of school activities. It used to be because I couldn’t take them (single mum with FT job/commute) and now it’s because they don’t want to. I feel guilty about it tbh, if they’d got used to hobbies when they were younger they might do them now. They really don’t want to do anything though, we’ve had loads of arguments chats about it over the years and I live in hope that they’ll take up a sport one day.

greenacrylicpaint · 16/05/2023 06:33

we pay for each dc to play an instrument and to do one other activity of their choice.

they chose to do non-competitive 5 a side football and regular volunteering with an environmental group.

greenacrylicpaint · 16/05/2023 06:34

but we had a point where they wanted to drop out of their competitive sports.

Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:50

prozac23 · 15/05/2023 22:26

I've got 2 kids who are now older teenagers and neither of them have done a single activity ever! They just didn't want to and I can honestly say they have friends and enjoy life and just like hanging out with friends and family and screen stuff. Absolutely zero issues about it and I've had a wonderful time not driving all over every night and weekend. It sounds like hell to me when I hear what other parents lives are like.
I did no activities as a child but have had loads of hobbies as an adult.

That's good to hear.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:52

StJulian2023 · 15/05/2023 22:34

My eldest has just turned 14 and has Inattentive type adhd too. We had the exact same with the guitar 🙄

He’s tried lots of things but the only thing that stuck was the no-pressure local church youth group with the great tuck shop 🤣

Out of the blue he just joined Army Cadets - I think it’s to impress a girl he likes but whatever the reason, I’m so glad he’s getting out.

It’s hard, isn’t it? They need more physical activity but they so often have no motivation.

Yes, it is a worry. When you know something will make the symptoms better, but they're not interested, it's a difficult situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:53

lilsupersparks · 15/05/2023 22:40

Mine do Scouts/Cubs/Beavers for their age, swimming and at least one fitness activity or sport. My eldest doesn’t like sports really so does Aerial Hoop (he is 13). If he chooses to stop this, I will encourage him to do something else for fitness - maybe CrossFit or running. I don’t really care what he chooses or if he sticks at it. If he wanted to try a load of different activities 6 weeks at a time, so be it! They also do other things as they choose - Lego STEM club at school, music lessons, ballet… the three younger ones do golf and rugby.

I really would encourage some kind of exercise regularly. Is there something you could do together - Yoga? Pilates? Couch to 5k?

She's not interested at all. Have tried hiking, HIIT, even just a walk with an ice cream at the end and she's not interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:56

Beezknees · 16/05/2023 05:47

Mine doesn't.

I don't really get all the angst about screens to be honest. If it's affecting their attitude and school work then yes it's an issue, but if not then I don't think it's a big deal. My DS spends most of his downtime on screens but he does what he should around the house, has plenty of friends, no issues at school and is predicted very high grades (he wants to do veterinary science) so I let him crack on.

Unfortunately screens are probably the worst thing for making the symptoms of ADHD worse. There's a definite shift in motivation and behaviour when her screen time is reduced.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:56

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 16/05/2023 05:53

My 13 year old doesn't really do anything outside of school. She will do netball or hockey or drama sometimes but they only run for a short time. She is very social and sees friends a lot but she's never really sound her "thing" in terms of extra curricular activities. She's tried ballet, football, piano, gymnastics but none stuck.

Sounds a lot like DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaDamaDeElche · 16/05/2023 06:57

aramox1 · 16/05/2023 06:26

Yep. Dropped everything at secondary. For years did and still does nothing but occasional football with mates. Far too much screen time. There's only so much you can do as a parent.

Agree! I think I probably need to stop stressing so much as it just makes for a bad atmosphere at home.

OP posts: