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Original poster

So embarrassed can’t show my face here again

114 replies

Ohalpro · 15/05/2023 00:09

Being vague because this is outing. I help to organise an annual event locally. Lots of people help out but I’m the only one who’s been doing it consistently for 10 years

its a community event and I thought I was doing something for the community. I even used to say that it made me feel like I belonged somewhere for the first time in my life

Anyway. Today I found out that people think I have taken over and ruined things. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I have never done anything unilaterally for this event but I have taken responsibility, especially since covid.

I am so ashamed that I ever thought I belonged here. These people are my near neighbours. How can I show my face? I thought I was doing something for us all but all the time everyone was secretly hating me. I want to move, start again. I hate myself

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 15/05/2023 16:54

Move on to something else and leave them to it. When it all falls apart and they contact you.... tell them to piss off,or words to that effect.

It's pure jealousy I reckon

MushMonster · 15/05/2023 16:59

Did the event go ahead?
Did you get a reasonable turn up?

Because most times, the event is just fine, users are happy and all goes well. But there are always busybodies who can do it better but, mind you, they do nothing.
Do not waste your energy on those. Even friends can be like that.
Focus on the event. Assess if it was good or if anything could have been any better.

LimeCheesecake · 15/05/2023 17:00

If youve taken over and ignored other peoples ideas or you haven’t, the best course of action is the same - step away.

Just send round a message to everyone else involved that after running this for a decade, you’d like to take a break this year, and you are looking forward to other peoples ideas and being a guest this time. Do not offer suggestions or to help. Step right back, even if you really want to help. If it’s a disaster, you’ll kill the grumbling for next year, if it’s a hit, you can relax and enjoy.

TheKobayashiMaru · 15/05/2023 17:02

Sorry to hear this OP.

How did you receive the feedback? I ask as a few times in my life I've been told "Everyone thinks X about you Koba" and later I've found out that's not true but was the person saying it had an agenda whether to hurt me or get me to move aside as they wanted what I had / was doing.

MushMonster · 15/05/2023 17:05

I differ with posters saying to give it up.
It happened for 10 years, it carried out after covid, so surely you are doing most of it right.
It is always good to pause and reflect on the criticism. Even if the delivery was rubbish. Did they say anything with an actual point?
Maybe ask around if anyone has ideas for next event. You could do a suggestions box, so anyone can leave comments anonimously.
But give up something you love for the comments of a few....... not for me.
If we are going to admit defeat without putting up a fight, then we will never achieve anything.

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2023 17:08

Anyway. Today I found out that people think I have taken over and ruined things. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I have never done anything unilaterally for this event but I have taken responsibility, especially since covid.

Well, presumably they have tongues in their head and could have raised the matter with you if they felt concern was widespread or merited?

How can I show my face? I thought I was doing something for us all but all the time everyone was secretly hating me.

Do you have some sort of organising Neighbourhood committee membership or WA group? If so, tell them you've been doing this for 10 years and feel it's time to hand over the reins to "new blood". Nominations for new Chief Organiser duly welcome.

Then wait to see who puts their hands up to take over. Chance are it'll be no-one. People like being able to moan about those who actually DO things. But you won't see them for dust when they realise they're going to have to make an effort.

SingleMumStruggling · 15/05/2023 17:13

OP don't be embarrassed. It sounds like a few bitter, bitchy folk who just like to gossip and be mean. Negative Nancy's have always got to have something to fixate on and drag down.

CheshireCat1 · 15/05/2023 17:13

Try not to be upset because of those nasty grumbling people, you’ve got community spirit, they obviously haven’t.

Thesharkradar · 15/05/2023 17:14

@Ohalpro they're resentful because you're getting credit for stepping up and making things happen, making them look lazy by default
what have they done? what efforts have they made?
sour grapes!

Casuaala · 15/05/2023 17:16

This really looks like 'inner child' stuff. I bet some therapy would help you get to the bottom of what's really going on for you here. I do sympathise, it's a horrible feeling.

DrHousecuredme · 15/05/2023 17:16

Who are these "people" OP and how did you find out?
Every group I've ever attended has a little gang of people who like to bitch, moan and criticise but don't actually want to do any of the work.
I'm thinking that you've stumbled across one of those types of people.
I don't blame you for feeling demoralised but honestly please don't give up.
The world needs more people who are prepared to get stuck in and organise things.

4plusthehound · 15/05/2023 17:19

Ohalpro · 15/05/2023 00:09

Being vague because this is outing. I help to organise an annual event locally. Lots of people help out but I’m the only one who’s been doing it consistently for 10 years

its a community event and I thought I was doing something for the community. I even used to say that it made me feel like I belonged somewhere for the first time in my life

Anyway. Today I found out that people think I have taken over and ruined things. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I have never done anything unilaterally for this event but I have taken responsibility, especially since covid.

I am so ashamed that I ever thought I belonged here. These people are my near neighbours. How can I show my face? I thought I was doing something for us all but all the time everyone was secretly hating me. I want to move, start again. I hate myself

I volunteered for a long time at my childrens school. We raised an absolute fortune and worked hard on community events. As is usual - SOME people hated what we did which translated into bitching about us. They very rarely put their hand in their pocket or came in early to help etc. But they did take full advantage of the extras in the school due to our hard work.

Today I found out that people think I have taken over and ruined things.
I bet the "taken over" is simply that you could do it with your eyes closed now as you have ten years experience.

I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I have never done anything unilaterally for this event but I have taken responsibility, especially since covid.

DON'T BE. You have given your time and effort to do something of benefit for the community and enjoyed it at the same time.

Acknowledge that you have heard some people are not happy with the way things are, ask what they want to do with it and take it from there.

Never be ashamed of trying.

pikantna · 15/05/2023 17:25

Oh, OP, that's so hurtful

I would be willing to bet my savings that it is a small and spiteful group saying this, that their thoughts are not widely shared, that the vast majority of people appreciate and are grateful for you, and that not a single one of the people being unkind would step up and do the work themselves

caringcarer · 15/05/2023 17:29

There will always be jealous people about who moan at the slightest thing but don't want to do the work themselves. I'd say you are moving aside and let somebody else take over. I bet they don't realise how much work is actually involved. My DH used to do accounts for the Cubs and Scouts for years. He was really taken for granted and after he had done it for about 12 years all the time our son attended. He said he'd like to resign and hand over to someone else but no one else would come forward. He offered to show them exactly what to do but no one would commit. He ended up doing it for 2 further years until someone else finally agreed to do it. Then he heard everyone saying the person who stepped up was so good to do it. He was a bit 🤔.

Feraldogmum · 15/05/2023 17:32

These people sound petty and clearly have too much time on their hands.If folk were not happy about your efforts then you would have known long before now, as already said it will be a couple of snotty individuals who cannot cope with someone decisive and organised.
I also live in a village,ten years now and it’s the first time I’ve felt part of a community, don’t let a couple of spiteful individuals destroy that feeling for you. Our village has the same folk run things and without them nothing would get done ,they’re brilliant as I’m sure you are and they’ve inspired me to volunteer a bit more.
Do you know the specific individuals who have made these statements,it’s more likely the actual culprits are the unpleasant ones saying “ folk have said” whilst it’s really them behind it. If you’re brave enough ,when it comes to discussing the next event, ask others what they would like you to contribute as you wont be organising as from what you hear ( then name them) say you’ve wrecked it previously. My bet is they will protest loudly with very red faces ,say you’re mistaken etc etc and they will be the unpopular ones.

ThePensivePig · 15/05/2023 17:35

I've been on the receiving end of criticism for this kind of thing and it's awful, I found it really damaged my self esteem. With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the critics were typically people who say a lot but do very little!

I think it's great that people like you are prepared to put themselves out for the benefit of the community.
Naysayers who stand on the sidelines carping and moaning should step up and get involved instead of denigrating your efforts.

SemperIdem · 15/05/2023 17:36

That’s so horrible op, I’d be really hurt and feel exactly the same as you.

I bet it’s just a couple of miserable arses though, not everyone by any stretch!

viques · 15/05/2023 17:38

Ohalpro · 15/05/2023 14:52

Thank you for the kind words everyone. I’m so hurt but trying to focus on other things. I feel such an idiot!

@mightymam no that’s not me - this is more of a family event, like a street party

Some people are professional moaners , like the parents who whinge about the summer fair, the Christmas fair, the leavers disco etc etc , but when you ask for their input, or eeeek their physical presence organising, setting up, running a stall, clearing away are too busy, have no one to walk the dog,can’t find childcare, have a suddenly bad back ……..etc etc etc.

Modda · 15/05/2023 17:51

What exactly was said?

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/05/2023 17:55

mushroommummy · 15/05/2023 01:36

I’ve worked in the community for years, this is a common theme. Unfortunately some people never have a good word to say about others and it seems to stem from their own insecurities and jealousy.

This.

And I can promise you that if you said you wanted to stand down and pass the baton to someone else nobody would want to take on the real work. At best they would want to be able to order other people about and take the credit, but not get their hands dirty.

They are jealous because you have a high profile with everything you are doing and he are resentful. Believe me, other people will be praising you - and that is what is peeing them off.

SilverBirchWithout · 15/05/2023 18:07

After organising something for 10 years it probably is time to take a step back so new people can step in and bring fresh ideas to the event. I’ve seen this happen in our village, certain events being organised by an individual or group that have become tired and no longer appealing because it’s always organised the same way. Knowing when new blood is needed is hard when you’re close to an event which you see as your thing. It sounds hard on you to get this feedback from others in the community, but see it as an opportunity to get involved with something else maybe.

rustypoon · 15/05/2023 18:08

A good deed never goes unpunished, as they say!
There are always these types in communities. They will find anything to moan about it. I bet it's only the usual suspects and not 'everyone'. Please don't let them stop you from feeling proud of all you've achieved or make you want to quit. I bet the majority of people absolutely love it.

SallyWD · 15/05/2023 18:12

I bet it's just one or two people who've made remarks and that most people really appreciate you (or at worst, just don't give it any thought). You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. You were trying to help and I'm sure many people have really enjoyed the event over the years, thanks in part to your hard work.

silverfullmoon · 15/05/2023 18:13

Paperbagsaremine · 15/05/2023 15:14

Really everybody?
Or just "some people"?
Because we all know that some people can be dicks sometimes. Even ourselves on occasion;)

Stop and think OP.
If it's someone you have every reason to respect having a gentle word with you that maybe you would ideally be doing stuff a bit differently - hey, fair enough. Listen, reflect, change.

But...

If it's randoms who do nowt but bitch and gossip ... I would say, treat their opinions accordingly. Sure it might be hurtful but you can't fix stupid.

Agree with this completely. Also- this quote is 100% true in my experience. Maybe let them take it over if they're so damn perfect - my guess is they wont take up the offer because its far easier and more comfortable to let someone else do all the work whilst they sit back and bitch about every little thing!

So embarrassed can’t show my face here again
AliceOlive · 15/05/2023 18:15

I got some amazing yet simple advice that I think you should have:

When someone criticizes you, spend some time thinking about whether it is true or not. If it is, take action to correct it. If it is not, disregard it.

Are there concrete things you should do differently? Is there someone you would trust to speak with about what you heard? Is it from a reliable source?

If someone told you "Everyone hates what you are doing." I would take that with a grain of salt. Wise people don't speak on behalf of others in this way.

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