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Original poster

DP staying overnight with female friends on stag

88 replies

japanflowers · 11/05/2023 07:54

Hi all,

Not sure how to feel about this and opinions would be much appreciated.

My fiancé has female friends who he has known since he was in his late teens. They have a friendship group of just them, there are no other men.

The friends have arranged his stag do. The group of them are staying in a shared AirBnb overnight, some distance away from where my fiancé and I live. They will all have separate rooms but are staying in the same apartment.

I'm really not sure how to feel about this. I am fine with him having female friends, but I think staying in a shared AirBnb with a group of female friends (no other males) is going a bit too far.

Opinions please?

OP posts:
Bumble84 · 11/05/2023 07:55

You f that’s his friends then that’s his friends. What are there plans for the weekend? Get drunk and sit about or are there activities?

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 11/05/2023 07:56

I wouldn’t have an isssue with this at all, my DPs best friends from university are a group of girls and they do a girls +DP long weekend away every year. No issue with it at all

SheilaFentiman · 11/05/2023 07:57

they all have their own rooms, I don’t think there’s much else you can do.

CurlewKate · 11/05/2023 07:59

Don't marry someone you don't trust. You don't trust him. Don't marry him. Sad but simple.

Sometimeswinning · 11/05/2023 08:00

With my dh there is no way it would happen. His friends are all men and the odd woman he is friends with I most definitely would not be OK with him going away for a weekend with.

But your df has been best friends with them for years. Unless any of them is an ex I think I'd be OK with this.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 11/05/2023 08:00

I wouldn’t have a problem with this.

JANetChick · 11/05/2023 08:03

I don’t think that this is problematic unless one is an ex, or one of them is known to have feelings for him.

Nousernamesleftatall · 11/05/2023 08:04

I don’t see the problem. You either trust him or you don’t.

Fleur405 · 11/05/2023 08:06

I wouldn’t have an issue with this. I trust my partner to not cheat on me (and not just because the opportunity doesn’t arrive very often)

lionsleepstonight · 11/05/2023 08:07

You need to reconcile this in your head before you marry him. He came inti the relationship with a close set of female friends, you either accept that or don't marry him.

Dont make a fuss, insist he drops them in favour of you. Big mistake and entirely unfair on your part as you accepted his proposal and knew the friend situation.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2023 08:09

If you think he's going to have an orgy with them, call off the wedding.
If you think he's secretly sagging one of them, call of the wedding.
If you can't trust your partner around women he's known most of his adult life, call off the wedding.
If you have an issue with him having no male friends, call off the wedding.

But it's a you problem not a him problem unless there's a reason you don't trust him.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2023 08:10

Sometimeswinning · 11/05/2023 08:00

With my dh there is no way it would happen. His friends are all men and the odd woman he is friends with I most definitely would not be OK with him going away for a weekend with.

But your df has been best friends with them for years. Unless any of them is an ex I think I'd be OK with this.

Why are their women your partner is friends with who you don't trust him to not cheat on you with? I'm sorry you're in a marriage where you feel like that's a real risk.

BodyKeepingScore · 11/05/2023 08:11

My partner also has friends he's had since childhood - male and female. Some are now married//in relationships and some aren't. The friendship has lasted so long that all of them consider themselves more like siblings than "friends". They're all really close and as an "outsider" it's plain to see they are all fiercely loyal to each other... but also very respectful and inclusive of each others partners. It wouldn't upset me if they shared accommodation at all. If anything, any time they've all been away, I've felt somewhat reassured because the women being there has meant there's less "lad" behaviour as such.

pollykitty · 11/05/2023 08:16

So you don’t trust him and believe deep down that given the opportunity, your husband and his female friends will hook up because they cannot control themselves and these women secretly want your guy and vice versa? ….Honestly I trust this situation more than an all male stag do.

CurlewKate · 11/05/2023 08:18

@JANetChick "I don’t think that this is problematic unless one is an ex, or one of them is known to have feelings for him."

Why would this make a difference?

InFlagrante · 11/05/2023 08:20

SleepingStandingUp · 11/05/2023 08:09

If you think he's going to have an orgy with them, call off the wedding.
If you think he's secretly sagging one of them, call of the wedding.
If you can't trust your partner around women he's known most of his adult life, call off the wedding.
If you have an issue with him having no male friends, call off the wedding.

But it's a you problem not a him problem unless there's a reason you don't trust him.

This. I have close, dear male friends for decades. We have not shagged one another for well over 20 years, despite going away together, going to the cinema, out for dinner (‘date territory’ according to some on here), and once sharing a hotel room with one when our flight got diverted in a blizzard. Anyone who found that problematic wouldn’t be someone I’d be contemplating marrying.

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/05/2023 08:23

It's not just going to be the stag do though is it. He has no male friends. These are his only friends. They will always be in your life. If you don't trust them or him then you'd be crazy to marry him.

CindyCrawfoot · 11/05/2023 08:23

It’s absolutely fine.

If you genuinely feel he can’t be in proximity to another woman without a risk of shagging her, don’t marry him.

PuttingDownRoots · 11/05/2023 08:24

One of DHs best friends in female. I've know her as long as I've known him and know there is definitely no attraction there... its more brother and sister. They have shared a room on nights away as its cheaper than getting two rooms (DH will sleep on the floor is its just a double bed). He even went on the hen party.

Do you have any reason to be anxious... or is it just the mixed sex thing you find odd? That's what you've got to work out.

readbooksdrinktea · 11/05/2023 08:25

Agree this is a you problem. If you don’t trust him around his friends, then getting married is probably not the best idea.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 11/05/2023 08:28

CurlewKate · 11/05/2023 07:59

Don't marry someone you don't trust. You don't trust him. Don't marry him. Sad but simple.

Blunt but true.

Original poster
japanflowers · 11/05/2023 08:33

I trust him, but I'm finding it difficult to get around the mixed sex thing. Noted that it is a me problem.

The question is, would he be OK with me sharing an AirBnb with 3 male friends?

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 11/05/2023 08:37

Well, would he? I don’t see why not, tbh. You are together in a communal space then apart for sleeping and dressing

NewAnon · 11/05/2023 08:38

I wouldn't think anything of staying in an Airbnb with my male friends, I've done it before, even 1:1 when we both happened to want to go to the same place at the same time.

But I know my own intentions (and trust my friends' intentions).

I can see how it might be more jarring if you don't know or trust the intentions of the people involved.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 11/05/2023 08:39

If they're his friends and who he normally sees, I can't see the problem. If you trust him, it won't matter who has a fanny.

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