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Original poster

I realised the other day that I'd be quite happy if I never had sex again.

85 replies

Theygolowwegohigh · 09/05/2023 07:13

Just that really. I've realised if I never have sex again I won't be bothered. Does anyone else feel like this?

I'm 40. Single. Have had several relationships over the years.

People often comment on wanting to meet someone new, or fancying someone etc and I'm just not bothered at all!

I have been reflecting on things like attraction and realised I've never felt that sexual physical attraction to someone. I've never had a celebrity crush. I don't have a high sex drive. I've enjoyed sex in the past but it's more about yes it feels nice sensation wise/ is a release in the same way doing it solo is. 🤷 There's not that physical lust towards another person that I read about or watch on screen. There's not the excitement about the other person's body.

Am I weird?

I have lovely family and friends but no one I know in "real life" that I'd feel comfortable chatting about this with at the moment.

OP posts:
JamSandle · 09/05/2023 07:20

I feel the same. Early 30s.

JamSandle · 09/05/2023 07:20

^ about never having sex again. But I have felt lust/desire.

EV4ME · 09/05/2023 07:23

Are you sure you're straight? I felt that way until I realised I was forcing myself to go along with a heterosexual expectation that was wrong for me. Dating women has been a completely different experience.

Sweetsweets · 09/05/2023 07:26

Hmm this is interesting as I felt the same I’m 48 was married for 24 yrs and found it a chore didn’t fancy my husband, then left had a 3 year relationship that changed my mind about sex i actually enjoyed it for the first time ever and did feel that lust but now single I find I really want companionship in a relationship but find it impossible to fancy any men and wonder if that will ever change…. I thought it might be my age 🙈 I just feel a bit turned off.

Original poster
Theygolowwegohigh · 09/05/2023 07:33

No I don't think I'm gay or bi. Without being too crude I've no desire towards touching anyone's bodies, male or female. I have kissed women before a couple of times, more as a younger person being silly on nights out with friends and have never felt anything. I don't look at men or women and get excited or feel anything sexually.

I have only had relationships with men and I've had sex lots, but in the past I've never given any deep thoughts to my sexual desires or attractions - or lack of!

Looking back I've never looked at anyone with lust, that physical attraction to someone's body, wanting to jump them. I can look at someone and see they are beautiful or handsome but no sexual stirrings happen.

I've been pondering on it all a lot recently, I'm not sure why. Maybe just because I have more thinking time to actually consider my own needs and wants a bit more?

OP posts:
dubyalass · 09/05/2023 07:37

Mid 40s and I feel like this, although I definitely did have the physical attraction to people in the past (and still do now a bit, just not to anyone available 🙄)

I put it down to my age. I'd also quite like the companionship side of things but I could take or leave a sexual relationship. I might feel differently if I met someone attractive and available who wants a partner not a skivvy but there's not many of them around.

SallyWD · 09/05/2023 07:38

I'm 48 and have plenty of moments where I feel like that (I put it down to dwindling oestrogen levels) but then I also have moments where I feel quite the opposite! Like a surge is desire that can last for days on end. It's strange.
I often wonder what sexual desire is like post-menopause if you're not on HRT. Do you still feel it?

dubyalass · 09/05/2023 07:38

Maybe you just don't have a particularly high sex drive? Nothing wrong with that.

EV4ME · 09/05/2023 07:54

Well if that's the case, celebrate knowing yourself better and seek ways to live life to the fullest on your terms. 😊

XBealtaine · 09/05/2023 07:55

Same, at 52. The type of man I would be attracted to would not be looking to commit to me. I do not find men older than I am attractive, or v rarely. Men my age who aren't overweight and unattractive can take their pick. Being realistic, even if they picked me, they'd have more power in the dating game. That in itself turns me off!!!

while society does not value single mums to teenagers in their 50s, i have never valued myself more, and i mean it, so i feel like that doesn't work for dating. Faintest whiff of negging, manipulation or low self-esteem and I'm done. Even two dates in, somebody not valuing your time. Done. Or somebody who drinks too much. Done. Or somebody with no self-awareness. Done. Somebody with a weird fetish (yes, met one online, jeez) done

So that's it folks, and I'm not broken-hearted.

dudsville · 09/05/2023 08:38

I haven't had sex in over a decade! Although it was weird at first, I actually never had a properly good time. Over the course of my whole sex life there is only that one great kiss, the one great other thing, etc., and those very few memories sit alongside a mountain's worth of things that i just didn't really enjoy. And i put my all into sex, experimented, different partners, etc. A decade in and I'm pretty pleased with my situation. I think i possibly could have been happier if i could have ever had a reliably consistently worthwhile sexual relationship, but i just lost the drive to keep trying for that, and there are lots of avenues my life hasn't taken but I'm happy with how it's going. I also don't talk about it irl.

dudsville · 09/05/2023 08:40

Just add I posted that i had a funny recollection. I remember being young and thinking that i could happily be a celibate nun if i hadn't been an atheist, and now i am basically celibate. Clearly when i was young i was too narrow minded to imagine a life without sex that was driven by some religious ideology!

ArcticSkewer · 09/05/2023 08:46

I don't know how usual it is to kiss several different women 'being silly'. In my day, it wasn't that common. I'd wonder if you are just repressing your sexuality. But equally, maybe you have just got a low sex drive.

Either way there is nothing wrong with how you feel although you may want to consider ways to avoid vaginal atrophy if not having sex with a partner, as you approach menopause

ShippingNews · 09/05/2023 08:47

I haven't had it for 11 years and don't miss it. Never really enjoyed it, and like you I found some pleasure at the time but didn't crave sex at all. I have a DH but he has been totally impotent since he had a brain operation, and we are happily like room mates now. If it's not bothering you to be like this, just accept it as a normal part of your life.

Greenfairydust · 09/05/2023 08:49

I would love to have great sex and at 52 I still feel attraction, have fantasies and enjoy, erm, regular self-satisfaction.

The problem is that the few men I dated in the past 10 years or so have been bad lovers: selfish, porn-influenced, immature and very ignorant, even as mature men, of a woman's body.

Not to mention that they seem unable to flirt/tease and become emotionally involved in a relationship. Everything ended up being really mechanical and a couple of these men turned abusive.

Maybe I have been unlucky, maybe the issue is with me...

I think it is really hard as you get older to find a decent, compatible partner so I don't have sex because the reality is that it has been a huge disappointment.

BreviloquentBastard · 09/05/2023 09:41

Maybe you're asexual? There's a common misconception that asexual means a total aversion/digust around sex, but it actually means just not feeling "lust" or sexual desire. A lot of asexual people still enjoy sex as the physical sensations are still nice, they just don't feel the sexual desire towards other people in the same way as others do. If you've felt this way your entire life surely it's more likely to be asexuality than just "oh it's your age"?

EmpressSoleil · 09/05/2023 09:52

I think it is really hard as you get older to find a decent, compatible partner so I don't have sex because the reality is that it has been a huge disappointment

I’m 53 and in exactly the same place as you. Men now just want someone to act out their porn fantasies on. That doesn’t interest me. Those that don’t usually have some other issue like ED. I reached a point about 5yrs ago where I said no more. It’s just not worth it.

CosmosQueen · 09/05/2023 09:57

I’m 69 and haven’t had sex for what, 20 years? I don’t miss it at all.
My husband’s porn addiction successfully killed off any attraction he may have had 🤷🏼‍♀️
I definitely wouldn’t care if I never had sex again; I do miss cuddling but any time I tried that my husband would start groping me….little surprise that sex isn’t on the cards!

Highlighta · 09/05/2023 10:02

I am the same OP. Single for many years, and I really couldn't care less about sex. I am in early 50s though, but I am not going to blame peri and I felt like this towards the end of my marriage too.

I am definitely not asexual, bi or some suggestions a pp mentioned. It just is not a big deal for me at all.

I would say though, one thing I do miss is some affection. Like a proper hug or maybe even someone just holding my hand. But it really is not something I lose sleep over.

So its not just you OP.

Sweetsweets · 09/05/2023 10:07

I hear you I really do…… you are so right about the dating game unless they are ugly, fat, bald or all 3 they are like kids in candy stores….. it’s such a horrible place

StarlightLady · 09/05/2023 10:15

i'm a similar age to the OP and would describe myself as a free spirit. I would be crawling up the wall if I did not have sex within the next week or so. I don't subscribe to this one partner long term thing though.

JamSandle · 09/05/2023 10:25

StarlightLady · 09/05/2023 10:15

i'm a similar age to the OP and would describe myself as a free spirit. I would be crawling up the wall if I did not have sex within the next week or so. I don't subscribe to this one partner long term thing though.

Yes, maintaining a sex life with one person is challenging. After the two year mark I tend to lose interest sexually.

StillMedusa · 09/05/2023 10:37

55 here.. and same. Still cheerfully married to a lovely man, so I make the effort because it is important to him, but I know if we split or something happened I would never bother again. I don't think I ever WAS that interested, and I'm not keen on being touched generally.. I'm the opposite of a hugger, except for my own children.

Babymamamama · 09/05/2023 10:42

I’m the same. Bit older than you but no longer in any relationship. I find it totally liberating - no pressure, expectations, duties all that tedious stuff. I in hindsight think I got into long term relationships with the wrong men. Who didn’t really float my boat. I love my single life.

DragonflyLady · 09/05/2023 10:46

I’m 54 and used to have a really high sex drive but have zero desire now. Am assuming this is a menopausal thing. However I have been reflecting on the behaviour of my sexual partners to me over the years and struggling with how that affects me.