I realised the other day that I'd be quite happy if I never had sex again.

[Theygolowwegohigh]

Just that really. I've realised if I never have sex again I won't be bothered. Does anyone else feel like this?

I'm 40. Single. Have had several relationships over the years.

People often comment on wanting to meet someone new, or fancying someone etc and I'm just not bothered at all!

I have been reflecting on things like attraction and realised I've never felt that sexual physical attraction to someone. I've never had a celebrity crush. I don't have a high sex drive. I've enjoyed sex in the past but it's more about yes it feels nice sensation wise/ is a release in the same way doing it solo is. 🤷 There's not that physical lust towards another person that I read about or watch on screen. There's not the excitement about the other person's body.

Am I weird?

I have lovely family and friends but no one I know in "real life" that I'd feel comfortable chatting about this with at the moment.

Nearly 55 here, not had sex in probably about 3/4 years...boyfriend has a physical condition that makes sex very painful (for both of us). He's also on a high dose of a medication that is notorious for killing libido. Add in that I'm obviously menopausal and my desire has gone as well! If we did split I'm like other ladies that have posted...the quality of men once you hit your 50s is so low that I doubt I'd bother.

I've been married over 40 years. Going home today after being away from dh for 8 days and am desperate to have sex with him. Fortunately I know he's feeling the same.
I remember work colleagues commenting on not being bothered about sex, I just can't compute, it's too important for me to do without.

I'm 50, have zero sex drive and I'm happy like that. Thinking back, my sex drive was never high and now is inexistent but I'm absolutely fine with it.

I think sex is hugely overrated, not everyone has a high sex drive (or a drive at all) but you are made to feel like a freak if you say sex is not important to you. I really cannot be arsed, it's just too much effort when I could be doing something more interesting to me.

To add, for me it's like scratching an itch, whether single or in a relationship. I am perfectly capable of sorting myself out, but I want the warmth and closeness of another body.

I used to feel like you, every sexual attraction/encounter I had before DH was 'manufactured', basically me pretending to be what I thought was 'normal', even though I didn't actually feel anything. It didn't even happen with DH til I'd been with him several years, I don't think I realised at the time but I was literally just going through the motions.

I did have some bad experiences with sex early on and I think that probably has contributed but, after a recent conversation with teenage DD about all the different sexualities we now have names for, I've realised I come under what's now known as demisexual. So essentially I have no sexual feelings unless I have a really deep bond with someone and the only person I've ever developed that level of love for is DH. It's linked with trust for me too, I think it just takes me a long, long time to trust someone enough to feel that way about them.

I've recently been diagnosed with autism which probably is also linked, I'm currently trying to work through how it all ties in but I'm certainly recognising that a lot of my sexual behaviour pre-DH was a form of masking, basically me trying to be like everyone else and appear 'normal'. But I also know I am capable of feeling sexual, it just took (a lot of!) time for me to trust DH enough to let myself feel it if that makes sense. I don't know if any of this will be relevant to you OP, feel free to ignore me if not but it's something I'm still trying to unpick so just thought it might be useful.

Same. Too much effort. My DP doesn't appear to want to either.

Same, never again. I used to be an amazing performer but it was all fake and just done to get them to like me (it worked very well, but you then have to keep up the act). I didn't even realise I was doing this until I became single after a ltr and started dating and felt exhausted and grossed out before even the first date at the stuff I would 'have' to do. Realised I didn't 'have' to do it and the longer I go without, the less I can even consider it. And NotAllMen but I can't believe the hygiene I used to tolerate - rotten teeth, onion breath, cheesy piss stinking knobs, toenails that would be more at home on baba yaga etc. It's not worth the risk. I once found a clump of my hair infused with his smeg under a boyfriend's foreskin (at least I think it was mine).

Even hugs and contact I don't miss - the accidental pulled hair, bony elbows, crushing my boobs, face in the armpit, taking over the bed etc. I would like someone to tickle or scratch my back but I've not had a single partner do that for more than 30 seconds without turning gropy or giving up from selfish boredom (usually after I'd massaged them for 30 mins).

My pets and DC give love and affection and I can take care of myself in all other ways.

Dying alone with cats is now my goal, not an insult!

I feel exactly the same as you OP and always have.

Yes to those saying sex has always been a performance. I enjoy masturbation but sex just feels like one long act.

It is a lot nicer to just enjoy a deep tissue back rub at my local beautician lol.

Sounds like you're possibly asexual. If you ever are interested in dating again there are apps and such for people who are also asexual - who have no desire for sex but just want companionship/love.

Yep. Agree with others that sex has always felt like a performance and just something I went through the motions of. Would gladly not bother. I'm late 30s.

Not weird at all, we are not all the same.

I’m 47, single for 5 years and no interest in sex or a relationship. It just doesn’t bother me.

It's just all so awkward isn't it

Ugh

I find I get bored if I’m in a relationship for too long and then I go off sex. I’ll probably stay single with the odd fwb until I’m old and happy to settle in a companionship with someone who feels the same way. If they even exist. I prefer being single in general though. Couldn’t see me living with a man again for a long time!

Sorry I'm only just coming back. Lots of replies, will try to answer some questions.

I mentioned the kissing female friends in response to someone asking about being bi or gay. Nope. I'm not attracted to either men or women.

I am neurodiverse. Only diagnosed late thirties. Definitely have masked a lot as I've gone through life.

I don't think it's my age. I have spent a huge chunk of my twenties single and had zero desire to have sex then either!

I didn't know there were dating apps for people who would like a sexless or low sex relationship. That's interesting! But tbh I've no desire for company either. I'm constantly over whelmed on a sensory level and when I do have some time to myself I like to sit in silence with my cat ha ha. 🤷 🤣

Interesting to hear you’re ND. So am I. Very late diagnosed.

I can relate to you completely!
I can't stand the thought of dating again or having anyone like my ex who always wanted me to send photos and date nights etc
I love being at home with my dogs and my daughter , even when she's away I just like being alone and not having to talk or accommodate anyone's needs

Was married for 20 years to a lovely man. However, I just went off sex very early in the marriage. Divorced now and seeing another lovely man. I initially enjoyed our sex life but once again, just not interested in sex anymore. I'd happily never have sex again. Obviously causing issues between us. Is there something wrong with me? My partner just thinks either I don't love him anymore or I'm seeing someone else. Any advice welcome.

Sounds like you may be asexual to me?

I wonder if I may be myself. I never think about sex, I am happy to do it (albeit not super frequently) with DH as i love him but other than as a thing between us it doesn't mean much to me.

David J Bradley's video on different asexual attitudes to sex, because they do vary, is very good I think

It's pretty offensive for posters to come on here and question your sexuality. As if somehow your lack of desire is an external problem that needs to somehow be 'fixed'.

It's perfectly normal for people to have different levels of interest in sex. Some people want it every day and some could take it or leave it, but they still enjoy the companionship. Those couples who match each others desire levels (or lack of) are the ones that last.

Please everyone, stop assuming someone is a lesbian because they don't enjoy sex. What an incredibly backwards and twisted view of the world. Many of us just have lower libidos and no amount of experimenting will change that, some people just aren't sexual beings. By suggesting that OP needs to date different types of people you are implying that she is broken and should fix herself when what she experiences is perfectly normal and valid.

Don't assume people different from you need to be fixed. 😠

There’s also demisexuality where you can only feel sexual desire with someone (if it’s going to happen) who you already know and trust. Pretty sure I’m like this. The stereotype 18-30 holidays where you shag the waiters has never, ever appealed to me and one night stands leave me cold.

Demisexuality can leave you vulnerable as emotional connection is non-negotiable, and if you’re slow to fall for someone you tend to run the risk of being friend-zoned. You also tend to be very selective who you fall for. There’s many a Catholic priest who has felt for years that their sexuality isn’t an issue, and then they fall for someone unexpectedly and have to renounce their vows.

I'm a bit like this, OP.

I had plenty of sex when I was younger and fancied men - my boyfriends and celebrities etc. I felt lust. But that seems so very long ago now. A few years back I realised I'd morphed into 'going through the motions' with any partner I had and that, if I was really being honest with myself, I didn't really want to have sex. I was doing it because that felt like the thing you did.

I've stopped and haven't missed it at all. Not even the closeness or cuddles aspect. In fact, if I ever think now I might like a partner, it's for cold reasons such as having someone else who coulf paint the walls or split the bills. So not really the right reasons at all.

I cannot imagine ever wanting to be naked with someone else again. Or share the bed. Or even swap saliva for a kiss.

Demisexuality is a load of bollocks, quite frankly. Invented on Tumblr around a decade ago by girls who wanted to push back against what they were expected to desire sexually. They needed a label to justify not being into casual sex and one night stands.

Enter demisexuality, which simply means “I don’t want to shag someone unless I have an emotional connection with them”. Which is a normal subset of adult human, not a flaw.