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Original poster

Your worst faux pas

361 replies

AtChoService · 02/05/2023 08:32

Reading a coronation menu just reminded me of this, it was 20 years ago and I still cringe 😬

I was in my first proper job, first posh Christmas party and the food had servers but you had to go up to the table, get a plate and go along the line.

The starter had a few options, ham, melon, compote stuff, a few other things.

I moved along the line and stopped and held mh plate out at each server, thinking this doesn't ago, this is a bit odd, got an odd look but thought nothing of it at the time, 🙈 you weren't supposed to take a portion of everything, you were supposed to choose melon OR the other thing, not all of it 🥴

I doubt anyone but the servers noticed but I still cringe a bit now.

OP posts:
Cattenberg · 02/05/2023 23:54

One Saturday when I was about 16, I went into town and wandered into a new shop. It had some pick ‘n’ mix, and on a whim I filled a paper bag with fruity boiled sweets in different flavours. When I went to pay, the man behind the counter gave me a strange look and said, “you’re going to be busy tonight, aren’t you?”

On the way home, I realised that I’d actually bought about 20 fruit-flavoured condoms.

deltablue · 03/05/2023 00:00

@GoldDuster ROTFLMFAO🤣

quietnightmare · 03/05/2023 00:04

Uni presentation to a full lecture hall said 'orgasm' instead of 'organism'.

I didn't drop out of uni but thought about it

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 03/05/2023 00:06

A few months ago my husband and I were in santorini and we stopped for dinner at a restaurant that overlooks the sunset over the sea.

I went to the loo after we'd finished eating and while I was sat on the toilet I noticed a small wooden square door, covering a window at face height. The toilets were at the far end of the restaurant so I assumed the window would look out directly over the sea, so I opened it.

Nope. My face appeared in the wall between a couple having dinner at their table. To make it worse I said "oh!" so they both looked at me.

I didn't dare look over at their table as we quickly left Blush

deltablue · 03/05/2023 00:11

TallulahBetty · 02/05/2023 11:59

I remember reading a story about a woman who took off her coat in a shop, only to not be able to find it.... another woman was trying it on and striding up and down the aisles checking herself out in all the mirrors 😂It was the way it was written, I howled.

This made me roar!

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 03/05/2023 00:20

Years ago my dad collapsed early one morning & was rushed to hospital by ambulance. He thought he was dying, my mum did too. It was a very stressful day for them both & they were exhausted with no sleep.

He was being discharged later than night & I went to collect them. Carpark was busy & no place to park so my mum came out first to see if I was there before returning to collect my father.

I saw her coming towards me with pushing a man in a wheelchair. It was not my dad. A complete stranger. She has no idea why she brought him out or how she mixed him up, a man clearly 20 years older than my dad & bearing no resemblance to him. My dad wasn't even in a wheelchair during his entire time in the hospital!! She had to wheel him back in & ask where my dad was. The poor man had no idea what was going on!!

CallHerJohn · 03/05/2023 00:20

Ordering a coffee at one of those coffee windows at Euston station, a black guy was waiting for my order, and I asked for a "black africanno" (black americano)

We just stared at each other in horror, as he finally realised what I'd meant, and I couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth... aaaarrrggghhh

Oakenleg · 03/05/2023 00:29

This was back in the days of when photos could be in the form of slides. If you were a complete knob, like my then boyfriend, you could get your friends round for the evening with the promise of alcohol and a faint hope they might feature in some of the pictures but otherwise subject them to an excruciating frame by frame slide show of your holiday in Corfu.

So there we all were, sitting in the dark, drinking wine, trying to engage with the pictures. 'Blimey, who's that with the legs like tree trunks?' I exclaim loudly. 'Er, that's me actually' says the woman beside me on the sofa.

It didn't look anything like her, she didn't have legs like tree trunks and I still feel awful about it.

AntAndDecking · 03/05/2023 00:52

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 03/05/2023 00:06

A few months ago my husband and I were in santorini and we stopped for dinner at a restaurant that overlooks the sunset over the sea.

I went to the loo after we'd finished eating and while I was sat on the toilet I noticed a small wooden square door, covering a window at face height. The toilets were at the far end of the restaurant so I assumed the window would look out directly over the sea, so I opened it.

Nope. My face appeared in the wall between a couple having dinner at their table. To make it worse I said "oh!" so they both looked at me.

I didn't dare look over at their table as we quickly left Blush

I am imagining you like Jim popping up at the window in Friday Night Dinner Grin

Could they see you were on the loo?!

trickyfriendsone · 03/05/2023 00:58

I was someone else's faux pas.

A new colleague was really horrible to me and I politely but firmly spoke to her and thought nothing more of it.

She went back to her immediate team and started ranting about how I was "a stuck up cunt" "who the fuck does she think she is" "wait til next time, I'll show her right up" and so on her team tried to stop her but she just went on and on her final line was "I mean who the fuck is she anyway" to which MY DH replied "my wife" she went home sick 😂😂 but did apologise on her eventual return

eldersis · 03/05/2023 00:58

I am the woman who actually said "Are you in yet ?"

It was in the 1980s, I was in my mid 20s.Just starting to date after divorce from my one and only sexual partner. No internet at that time we did local newspaper personal columns.

Lovely guy, 7th date, NEVER heard the term "Micro penis" before,
I was very naive and inexperienced and GENUINELY wanted to know it was good for him. He was only about 3 inches errect,
GROAN ! to this day I still kick my self at what I said!

I DID learn by my mistake. Wonderful partner who died ten tears ago was only 4. I used better langusge and we had the most sweet sexy times.

Oh how I cringe at may Faux pas all those decades ago

izzysmum2007 · 03/05/2023 01:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 03/05/2023 01:11

.

Thisbastardcomputer · 03/05/2023 01:11

GoldDuster · 02/05/2023 11:18

We were leaving the car at a farm type parking thing before a middle of the night flight, instructions were to drive through the gate, park up and head into the office, and someone would shuttle us in a mini bus to the airport.

Parked, DP got baggage and DC out of car, I headed over to the "office", pushed opened the door, and saw a bloke in his underpants standing there stirring some sugar into a coffee.

I presumed he was the bloke who was going to drive the shuttle to the airport, he denied all knowledga and I showed him my printed confirmation.

We had some very awkward circular confused conversation, which got weirder and weirder, before I realised that he was not the driver, and he realised I was not the owner of the farm, and I had walked into a rental cottage where he and his wife were staying, and he'd got up to make her a brew.

He appeared at the terminal outside WH Smith with his wife, who gave me a full interrogation after he pointed at me saying "that's her!" regarding what the hell I thought I was doing walking into her cottage at 4am and talking to her husband, in his pants.

DP and DC nearly disowned me and it still makes me laugh/ turn inside out in equal measures.

I can't stop laughing at this, it's 1am I'm going to wake up everyone in my house

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 03/05/2023 01:18

@AntAndDecking I don't think so, but given that i was clearly in the loo and my face was at sitting height I'm sure they could have worked it out 😳

Why would a restaurant have a window directly from the toilet to the restaurant (and not somehow lock it or nail it closed??). I can't be the first person to do it 😂

SinginSpring · 03/05/2023 01:21

Not me but Dsis. Very outing so have NC'd. I was in hosital for an exploratory surgery on my stomach. Dsis came to pick me up after procedure was over. I was in pain and had stitches. Nurse tells Dsis to run down to hospital pharmacy to pick up my prescription so we didn't have to stop on the way home, as I was in a lot of pain.

In the car on the way home she tells me about the hassle they had at the pharmacy because they couldn't read the Dr's writing so had to call the floor to find out who he was. They had asked her first if she remembered his name. Dsis says she told them she thought it was Dr. Dicks. I'm then dying with laughter and pain, my Dr's name was Cox. She said the pharmacy staff never said a thing, they must have had a good laugh after she left.

This one was a friend. She was complaining about having to go for a Pap, and said the worst part was when the Dr put the scrotum in. Me: he damn well shouldn't be!😂 She was then mortified because I wasn't the first person she'd said this to, but the only one to correct her!

CarrieMoonbeams · 03/05/2023 02:10

I'd forgotten about this until just now.

A colleague phoned the office one day, panicking because he'd left work early and had left his passport in his drawer at work - he needed it to go on a work trip the next day.

I didn't know him well but he didn't live far from me so I said I'd drop it off on my way home. I arrived at his house, rang the bell, and THOUGHT he'd shouted "Just come in!__" so I walked in, only to see him standing there obviously just out of the shower, frantically trying to cover himself with a towel.

Turns out he'd actually said "Just a min" 😔

TommyNever · 03/05/2023 02:27

My bro-in-law was urgently flying overseas to be with his much-loved grandmother who was on her deathbed. As he left for the airport I stupidly called out, "Have fun!"

Immediately regretted it, but I just hadn't rehearsed anything and that's what came out.

wildlifeintegration · 03/05/2023 02:52

I got off the bus and was half eay down the road before I realised I'd said "bye, love you" to the bus driver instead of "thank you".

Codswallopcurry · 03/05/2023 03:43

I was wearing a pair of very harsh control pants which were killing me, as I was wearing a dress that needed a flat belly. I called them my "gripper knickers". Eventually, I decided to change into a more comfortable pair, and a different dress. I ran into my bedroom in a rush, as kids were unattended whilst I changed. Anyway, I threw off the dress and heaved myself out of the grippers with great difficulty, then put on a much comfier pair of Bridget Jones style big knickers. I was pulling down the replacement dress - but when I turned, it was to discover my curtains wide open and two smirking builders up ladders, watching me with great interest.
I nearly died.

LdyPdy · 03/05/2023 03:48

WhyisitOk · 02/05/2023 20:49

Years ago a colleague at work had just returned after having M-f gender reassignment surgery.
I wandered into the communal kitchen at the same time as her to get a drink and her coffee mug still had the coaster attached. This was an unfortunate time for me to forget the word for coaster, so like an idiot… I kept pointing to her mug which she was holding by her hip/ general crotch area repeating “your wotsit is still there… your thingy… it’s still there” the entire office went silent and stared at me like I’d gone mad. Luckily after a few painful seconds she realised what I was on about and saw the funny side. It was truly mortifying though

I'm laying in bed next to my sleeping husband trying to laugh as silently as possible at this 😂 Must have been mortifying!

NumberTheory · 03/05/2023 03:53

DRS1970 · 02/05/2023 09:20

When I was about 7 years old I inadvertently capsized the pilot boat at a local port.

How?!

TheLadyofShalott1 · 03/05/2023 04:42

Can you make a faux pas with yourself?
My first one that comes to mind was when I asked a friend I was on a walk with, how far it was to the teashop as I was getting tired from walking so much and needed a rest - I know that doesn't seem too bad, and luckily it wasn't, as it was me who had been wheelchair bound for years, not her!

NeonBoomerang · 03/05/2023 05:38

OneMistakeAfterAnother · 02/05/2023 10:01

I temporarily worked for a company called Harry Fairbairn, only I kept getting tongue tied when people called and saying "Hello. Hairy Farnbarn. I just couldn't help it. Who knows what sort of establishment they thought they'd called instead of a car dealership?

I used to work for someone with a very similar name. Is he a solicitor, by any chance?

Northernsouloldies · 03/05/2023 05:52

I've two from when I worked in retail.
Business was slack so offered a young couple a trade discount and told them the difference compared to retail. I then followed up with 'that a decent bit off and especially because I can see you've a little one on the way...... Silence.. Icily delivered.. I'm not pregnant. Oh fuckity fuck.
Had to phone customers on delivery day let them know order is ready. Colleague n my self had been joking about Mr. Dover earlier. Phoning customers. Hi Ben it x from y company, just to let you know your order is ready.... My name isn't Ben... Oops.