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Original poster

Would you have access to 2-night term time midweek childcare to attend a wedding?

123 replies

meaniemaybe · 01/05/2023 16:58

My friends are acting like I’m in the minority for not being able to arrange childcare for two nights midweek in term time to attend a wedding abroad with DH. I’m fine with going to the wedding alone but they all have ready/willing/able grandparents to call on or a FT nanny who will also do overnights but we have neither. So, just wanting to see if they are unusual or I am.

OP posts:

mindutopia · 01/05/2023 20:42

Nope, we’ve only had overnight childcare 3 times in 10 years and it’s quite a challenge to arrange. Our only childcare would be MIL who works and doesn’t live nearby so she’d need to take AL and on top of that, she’s a T1 diabetic who doesn’t always manage her blood sugar well. She can’t really be left alone as she is prone to hypos. She does have a partner but he is not allowed any contact with our dc. So we have to coordinate another family member to come stay with her, basically to babysit MIL while MIL babysits the dc. 😩These family members live anywhere from 2-6 hours away, so they have to travel and take AL too. Hence it’s happened 3 times ever in a decade. Dh and I go to childfree weddings on our own and the other is home with the kids.

Playdoughcaterpillar · 01/05/2023 20:43

Yes my PILs could do with enough notice. Or at a push I could farm them out to friends.

huuskymam · 01/05/2023 20:45

Yeah we'd have loads, 2 sets of grand parents, 2 aunts, 3 nieces and if we were really stuck a couple of brothers. And now I've got 2 adult kids to watch the youngest if they're not doing anything.

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mdh2020 · 01/05/2023 20:46

When my DC were younger they would have been abe to go to friends for two nights either together or separately. My mother might have come up and looked after them for one night as well. We did this quite often. They’d go to school, go home with friends, go to school , then the second night mum would come on the bus and take them home for the weekend. My DC loved it.

Nottodaty · 01/05/2023 20:46

No - my parents still both work, and live to far away. My husbands parents are retired but again live a distance away. FIL and step-mil sadly medically now would stop them travelling to us. My MiL could travel up but she isn’t a hands on Granny so also a no :)

For absolute emergencies we have friends locally but again they just for emergency.

WandaWonder · 01/05/2023 20:48

Yes we would, but it's irrelevant, no offence to friends but I am not taking annual leave for a wedding unless it's my own

I would wish them well though

Gymmum82 · 01/05/2023 20:53

Yes we’d manage but it would involve grandparents moving in to our house for those days which would be an inconvenience. It would have to be a very good friend to even consider it

CornflakesOnTheSolesOfHerShoes · 01/05/2023 21:03

Both sets of grandparents are several hours away but happy to come and stay overnight at ours for something like a wedding or to give us a weekend break - it usually happens once or twice a year, but needs a lot of booking in and logistical juggling! We couldn’t do a midweek term-time wedding though as DH is a teacher.

tenbob · 01/05/2023 21:07

We have a nanny who could do it, but it would cost us around £700 for 48 hours so we would only do it in exceptional circumstances

I’m not sure a wedding would count, especially when they are doing it midweek to clearly save their money at the literal expense of their guests

Mutabiliss · 01/05/2023 21:08

Maybe one night so long as the one person we could ask didn't have anything else planned... but she still works and has a busy life so unlikely to be free mid-week.

Definitely not two nights, even 24 hours would be pushing it. And I'm not sure I'd want to go abroad and leave my child anyway.

Hardbackwriter · 01/05/2023 21:11

No. Mine are 2 and 4 and although both set of grandparents have done overnights on a couple of occasions I wouldn't expect any of them to be able to do two nights in a row and manage the school/nursery run aspect unless it was a real unavoidable situation or an emergency, which a midweek wedding clearly isn't! The couple of times they've had them overnight we've timed it to be less than 24 hours and it was pretty clear that that was just plenty... When they're older I assume they'd be easier to care for - you'd be much more guaranteed a good night's sleep, for a start! - but then by that point the grandparents will be older, so I'm not sure this will be particularly realistic for us in the future either.

Blef · 01/05/2023 21:14

My parents or siblings live nearby so they'd be able to and willing to. But I don't think I'd want to ask them to do it term-time (when they'd have to deal with school run), except in an emergency. Not keen on overseas weddings so I'd say we couldn't go due to childcare.

Templetonrat · 01/05/2023 21:16

I would decline any mid week wedding invite unless it was very close family. Not just due to child care but annual leave too. Why have they chosen mid week? Because it’s cheaper yes?? But it’s costing all their guests days of annual leave 🙄

EversoDisorganised · 01/05/2023 21:33

Both our sets of parents could have done it by staying at our house, they were all retired but still very active and willing to do childcare when our DC were that age.

FraterculaArctica · 01/05/2023 21:38

No. GPs won't/can't. DH are hoping against hope we can find various sets of friends to take the 3 DC for one night so we can get a night away for our 10th wedding anniversary later this year. Wouldn't even try to organise for a friend's wedding..

TheChosenTwo · 01/05/2023 21:54

Oh @FraterculaArctica if I were your friend I’d gladly have them so you could celebrate your anniversary!
Hope you manage to sort something 🙃

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/05/2023 21:59

No, not at all
DM moved close by a couple of years ago so I could look after her!!

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 01/05/2023 22:05

No, I could have sorted weekend but not weekday. To the point where I declined my DSis' destination wedding which required travelling abroad Thurs to Sunday and was a no kids affair

FatGirlSwim · 01/05/2023 22:07

No. But even if I did, I wouldn’t go abroad without my dc and they aren’t tiny. I’d want to be able to get back if they needed me.

I’d do it if their dad was around, but wouldn’t have when they were little. I’d want a parent to be able to get to them.

FatGirlSwim · 01/05/2023 22:09

I guess my DM could do it midweek at a push, but I wouldn’t expect overnight of her. My dsis couldn’t do midweek, and I’d feel totally cheeky asking her to have all my dc for three nights! I don’t know how she’d feel about it. It’s a massive ask!!

willowstar · 01/05/2023 22:14

Nope. Never had any help at all. All grandparents choose to live abroad and not see us very often. So no, wouldn't be able to attend.

MumApril1990 · 01/05/2023 22:29

HappyAsASandboy · 02/05/2023 08:37

If we both really really wanted to go, then yes, GP would have come and stayed here and managed.

However, the planning, favour-owing, upset children etc would have made it very frustrating. Unless both of us were desperate to go, one of us would stay home to keep the house and kids ticking over normally while the other went to the wedding.

I absolutely wouldn't be paying for overnight nanny plus the pre-trip sessions I'd want to have to get to know them, just to go to two nights of overseas wedding. Much rather meet up with the couple afterwards and congratulate them then.

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