Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you have access to 2-night term time midweek childcare to attend a wedding?

123 replies

meaniemaybe · 01/05/2023 16:58

My friends are acting like I’m in the minority for not being able to arrange childcare for two nights midweek in term time to attend a wedding abroad with DH. I’m fine with going to the wedding alone but they all have ready/willing/able grandparents to call on or a FT nanny who will also do overnights but we have neither. So, just wanting to see if they are unusual or I am.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 01/05/2023 17:55

We'd have access to the childcare but as others say I'd loath to us the AL / cost on us both going unless it was close family.

DP is self employed so he'd lose 3 days pay as well.

WeightoftheWorld · 01/05/2023 17:57

No, we don't and tbh I'd be secretly glad as I wouldn't want to do this away from my kids and I wouldn't want to use annual leave for it either. I'm sure I'd feel differently when my kids are a lot older but not whilst they're so young (4 and 1).

Freetodowhatiwant · 01/05/2023 17:57

Only one set of grandparents left here and they live abroad but yes if I really wanted to go to the wedding I could ask them to fly over. They're 80 and 83 respectively and my kids are still primary but they are very happy to help out if they can.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Weddings
tailinthejam · 01/05/2023 18:00

DD adult now, but when she was a child there is no way we would have ever gone overseas and left her behind. That's not even with family, let alone friends.

Goldbar · 01/05/2023 18:00

Grandparents could do weekend childcare if given enough notice. So weekend wedding would be OK.

But I wouldn't ask them to care for baby and do school run/pick-up through London traffic, homework, uniform and clubs just so we could both go to a wedding. Putting the 5yo in front of the TV for a few hours at the weekend and taking a short stroll to the playground is much less of an ask.

They managed for a couple of days with just DC1 while I was in hospital after giving birth to DC2, but DH popped home to do bedtime and sort homework and uniform and there were a lot of messages back and forth.

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 18:02

No. We don't have any help with children from anyone unless we pay for it.

I guess you could hire a nanny PT, but would I do that to go to a wedding abroad? Nope!

Just go on your own and tell everyone to shut up

DanceBeneathADiamondSky · 01/05/2023 18:03

Not PT... temporarily

glitterfarts · 01/05/2023 18:03

Nope. My oldest is 15 and I've never had an overnight babysitter.

It's an invitation and there could be many reasons why you can't go. Too expensive, don't like flying, don't have annual leave left, work won't grant annual leave, no babysitter, just don't want to.

Bordey · 01/05/2023 18:04

Nope.

SisterMaryLoquacious · 01/05/2023 18:04

At the time when my DC were of an age to need babysitting I might possibly have been able to call on our former nanny and/or my DB and DSIL. But it would have been a huge ask and a logistical nightmare, so I don't think I'd have actually done it.

HauntedPencil · 01/05/2023 18:04

No chance. We'd struggle on a weekend too but might just about manage it

VariationsonaTheme · 01/05/2023 18:06

Yes, we could have done, but I wouldn’t have gone to an overnight wedding mid-week.

Resilience · 01/05/2023 18:11

Nope.

Your friends' reaction may well be masking disappointment rather than genuine disbelief though.

Saffronn · 01/05/2023 18:15

I could for my three year old - not my newborn just yet!

But it would be a massive, massive favour which I wouldn’t ask for unless it was one of my very best friends. And if it was my besties they would factor my kids into plans (as I would theirs).

megletthesecond · 01/05/2023 18:18

I have never had overnight childcare full stop.

OliviaFlaversham · 01/05/2023 18:19

Sleeping over one night with one child, maybe but not two nights with two children and two lots of getting them ready for school and school runs…no.

MayDayMay · 01/05/2023 18:20

None for me either.

frozendaisy · 01/05/2023 18:30

Yes at a push, grandparents aside.
X2 different parent friends
Would cost a lot in pizza

But still

Also have a grandparent but doing the without the grandparent option

Fandabedodgy · 01/05/2023 18:31

Most of the time yes my parents would cover.

alexisccd · 01/05/2023 18:33

I would - from grandparents, but I have also looked after friends kids in similar circumstances (twice) as they don't have anybody to help them

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/05/2023 18:37

Yes, as my mum lives nearby and doesn’t work. PIL would also probably be willing to come up, stay in the house and get the kids to school/after-school activities etc if asked.

Original poster
meaniemaybe · 01/05/2023 18:40

Seems I’m not in the minority.

I wouldn’t say my friends are necessarily making me feel bad, just astounded we don’t have that option. My ILs are dead, DM is disabled and couldn’t cope and DF works full time and is more fun than practical so wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving with him, plus he’s 200 miles away. DSis would drop everything in an emergency but she’s 250 miles away and works FT so couldn’t ask her to make that round trip plus take 3 days annual leave to do all that.

The wedding isn’t in term time where the couple live. Just strangely thoughtless not to research for the U.K. where the majority of guests are coming from!

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 01/05/2023 18:41

Nope. We managed a break away when ds1 was 2 and I was pregnant- SIL came down with her kids to look after him and they all hung out, but she could also visit PIL (nearby) so there was “something in it” for her, and it was over a weekend not midweek.

In an emergency, BIL is close enough but has 3 kids of his own- if one of us needed to take the other to hospital or something he and his wife would help, but not for a wedding.

notsurewherenotsurewhy · 01/05/2023 18:43

Mine are 6 and 12. I've never been in the position of being able to make that work - local friends/relatives who would theoretically be willing to have both overnight for two nights in a row all work, and my DF moved away as soon as he retired - would be able to take them both overnight for two nights in the holidays, but no use in term time.

I'd also resent using three days' leave for this too tbh - my leave never feels like enough to spend time with my children plus a little bit of time off for myself. But from previous threads I know that lots of people clearly rate weddings more highly than I do, so that's a slightly different issue from the childcare logistics.

TheChosenTwo · 01/05/2023 18:44

Yes but I probably wouldn’t use grandparents. Maybe though, mil is getting older now but still has a grandchild to stay when required, she’s lovely with them! But to be honest mine are old enough to be left home for a night, although I’d probably ask my sister to come and stay for a couple of nights and she’d be more than happy to. They’d all love it!