My celebrity boss is a lunatic I'm losing the plot

[Niceseasidetown]

My boss is a celebrity in our industry. Think: 100s of 1000s of social media followers, his own podcast...and all the ego that goes with that.

He is also rude (telling people their ideas are fucking shit), a huge micromanager and a bully. Everyone at work says this, not just me. His adoring fans don't see this side of him.

When I took the job he wasn't my boss. He fired my boss publicly saying he wasn't up to the job and now I have to work much more closely with the celebrity boss. My stress and anxiety are through the roof. I am criticised for everything and publicly. Literally not one thing is right (even obvious achievements). I'm mocked and ridiculed. I'm very experienced and well paid and in my 40s. I'm good at my job.

I'm obviously looking for a new job.

Spoke to HR who just sighed and said he is like that. He owns the company.

How do I cope. I feel on the edge of a breakdown. I also have to manage a team who he undermines me in front of.

Literally every hour is miserable and terrifying.

I can't do anything legally or practically. I need emotional coping tips because I am a wreck. I worry what this is doing to my physical as well as mental health.

I know the post is a little old now, don’t know where you got to but you firstly need to read your contract and company policies ie, disciplinary and grievance procedure and sick pay. You need to log a formal complaint with HR - in writing ! And save it. You need to know your notice period, if you’ve worked for more than 2 years, you can bring unfair dismissal claim if he sacks you because of the complaint and even if he does sack you, he will have to pay you pay in Leui of notice, which if your notice is 1,2,3 months, that may carry you long enough to allow you to find something else. I can tell you if your this miserable now, it won’t get better, people like that don’t change and your only option to save your own sanity and mental health is figure out how to leave or, you stay and find a way to become so detached from it and become almost cold, that you may be able to protect your self but ultimately will impact how you feel about your job and may end up leading to some kind of performance programme because it’s really hard to do a job well when you absolutely detest the person you work for and that will filter through to your performance in the end.

Good luck with your exit interview

@Mum7644885 quite a lot of posts by OP since the original. You can click on the bottom of the OPs original post to see all their comments and catch up.

@Niceseasidetown You're not an employee, so you do NOT need to do an exit interview. So don't. Just decline gracefully 'I'm not an employee but a contractor. Therefore I do not see the necessity to feed back to HR as an employee would - unless my employment status is not actually a contractor and something I would need to discuss with HMRC? '

Just one article from Daisy Goodwin took down Daniel Korski in his bid for Mayor of London. Plus look at what has happened to the CBI, or at least the people involved, when all the criminal allegations and revolting behaviour became public. Dominic Raab had to resign for bullying - eventually. It wouldn't take much to dislodge this person if you felt like whistleblowing.

100% agree with all those who say 'name and shame'. He's a disgrace.

OP already said no one would know this man outside of their industry.

It’s not great to make a spectacle within an industry. Keep your head up and move on. People already know he’s awful and will respect OP for maintaining a dignified, professional silence. It’s really difficult to do, but people notice and respect it.

I worked at one company where they assured someone who resigned that the exit interview they were conducting was completely confidential. He did it, told the truth & went back to his office - to find that HR had already phoned his boss & told the boss what he'd just said.

But grey rock is also exhausting. It means suppressing your true feelings and emotions.

Yeah, I don't think it's a long term solution for anything, but could get you through a few days or weeks until you can make a change.

The problem with blasting people publicly, especially if they are more powerful than you, is that they can blast back. I would never publicly insult employers because it is a double edged sword. The great benefit of being freelance is that you get to control the narrative. Op I agree with the others, don’t do the exit interview- why reason with a lunatic? I hope you get a new job at a higher rate asap.

I think standing up to him would be far more liberating than Grey Rock, personally. I remember the first time I was properly assertive with someone being unreasonable at work in my early 20s and I felt absolutely exhilarated and so much better afterwards.

I'm thinking that she's been so ground down by the whole thing, that the 'exit interview' is just more of attempting to abuse/humiliate her and she's got that abused thing of 'it's my fault' and can't say no or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, OP, but surely he deserves/you deserve/at your level you can just say to his face his 'FUCK YOU, YOU PSYCHO/SMALL PENISED WANKER'?

If he's well known in the industry and OP wants to continue in the industry then telling him/them exactly what she thinks may not be the best idea for her future.
I do agree that she doesn't have to do the exit interview though.

I’ve found zero benefit to being honest in an exit interview. No one cares and usually the info goes nowhere at all.

The cons are the emotional cost to you and the potential burnt bridges.

”I’ve appreciated the opportunity to work here.”

I once told a director, who was asking me for suggestions when I resigned, that the team communication had room for improvement. My example was that I had found out via LinkedIn that my manager had been moved into a new role and was no longer my manager. He told me that was normal and there was nothing wrong with it.

Just jumping on to say that I worked for someone very similar. Big multi-millionaire celeb who is regularly on TV. He nearly broke me but ultimately I did stand up to him and handed my notice in with nothing to go to. Another (better) job miraculously appeared.

Just because someone is successful, rich and powerful does not mean they can treat you however they like. I can take a certain amount of bad behaviour but there comes a point when someone becomes a complete and utter twat. You have to value yourself enough to know when enough is enough.

I look back on that time and pat myself on the back for dealing with it so well and standing up to him. It's easy for people to tell you to do that but harder in reality. You'll look back on this period and laugh. I do. I also shout at the telly each time I see his smug face! 😂

I agree it can be. It depends on the circumstances. And if you have an opportunity to let it all out when you've left and they can't get to you anymore.

But from my own experience, Grey Rock was protective and it saved me.
I didn't want to give the person the satisfaction of having an emotional meltdown, or of seeing that they'd got to me because that was exactly what they wanted and I wasn't going to give it to them They wanted a drama they could star in. They wanted to provoke so they could complain about me.

I think if you've only got a few days left as others have said avoid the exit interview and leave with dignity, don't let his shit provoke you into behaviour that you wouldn't normally display.- that will demonstrate that he hasn't broken you and will annoy him far more. You are the calm reasonable adult and he is the unruly nasty child in this situation. Don't give him the satisfaction.

I'm in a fairly similar situation and tried grey rock but find it worse; my work is really meaningful to me and it's very wrapped up in my emotions (and I know that's not healthy) and suppressing everything just made me feel incredibly ill.

There is no obligation for you to have an exit interview at all.

"I am a contractor to the company, not an employee. There is no need to hold an exit interview."

I wouldn’t refuse as they may not pay you then. But I would say “I didn’t know you did that with contractors. Happy to answer any questions, of course.”

I would try to anticipate and be ready for anything they ask.

On what grounds could get refuse to pay?

Because he’s a maniac and it would be easy for him to do this if he wanted. OP can’t afford to sue.

I would absolutely toe the party line in the exit interview. HR are well aware of the problems within the company already and are powerless to stop it. Bigwig isn't going to change. There is ZERO benefit to you or to anybody else of you being honest, and a large risk factor for you that they just won't pay you what they owe you if they don't like what you have to say. Play nice through gritted teeth and fuck off into the sunset to have an amazing life, free from the stress of wankerface.

To be honest, I think you should prepare yourself for them not paying you a penny, even when you play nicey nice. You already know they did that to your boss and that there's fuck all you can do about it. It doesn't mean it's not worth playing nicey nice on the balance of probability that you're more likely to get your money than not, but just try very hard to have a plan B, including temping work to tide you over, if you need to.

I had a bullying boss who thought of himself as a celebrity in our (niche) industry. It was in a time before podcasts and social media, but 100% he would have behaved as you described, and the company culture was toxic as a result, everybody trying to save their own skin by stabbing each other in the back. I got sick with stress and left with no plan B, but that wasn't a choice for me, I knew I wouldn't get better if I tried to return to work. It had a lasting impact on me but I did go on to better, nicer things.

either youre a contractor or an employee-they cant have it both ways

report them to hmrc

So many comments!!! I've read some will read ALL after work. Thanks for all the advice.

In the end I was constructively truthful. I didn't dwell on the individual....as others have pointed out his behaviour is well known...but did give feedback as to the impossibility of working with zero budget and zero autonomy in what is meant to be a department head role.

After the exit interview they told me they won't be paying me leave owed.

As some might remember I have intentionally taken no leave (also no sick days) in 3.5 months so that I would have some small cushion.

I then said, ok then I'm logging off now and I'll take today and tomorrow as leave. It's not all I'm owed but I may as well.

Within 10 minutes I got an offer to pay me 2/3 of my leave.

I said OK but I'm not happy

5 minutes later they agreed to pay the full leave.

Why? Well. I took a leaf put of celeb boss' book. In the last couple of months I've picked up an extra 1k followers on social media, a lot of them are his connections.

I didn't even hint at posting about the leave on social, but I was thinking it and I think that is why they backed down.

Girls is playas too!!!!!🤣🤣

I've got a strange feeling something is going to happen tomorrow. I will tell you if so.....it would be a brilliant end to the book @Ellyess says I should write if it happens!!

Meanwhile several people are trying to get me bits of consulting work plus remember I'm a contractor? Well my accountant says I've not been paying myself enough so one way or another I don't think I'll starve for at least 2.5 months.....

I was suicidal genuinely when I started this thread. Look at me now. It is all because of you amazing, amazing guys. Putting up with all my moaning and advising me xxxxx