Is that money ‘mine’?

[MoneyMine]

I am disabled and receive ESA (so that’s my ‘income’)

Ive just been awarded PIP and have received backdated money. It’s quite a bit of money (for me). About the equivalent of 1 month of DH monthly wage.

dh wants to treat that money as ‘put it in the common pot’.
im thinking this is money to improve my quality of life, xtra cost due to my disability etc… Not to go and buy groceries or do some decorating.
ESA goes in the common pot.

What do you all think?

Dla is for under 16's, pip is for those from 16 to pension age.
If her husband is a higher rate tax payer, there is nothing else that op can claim that's she isn't already getting. Everything else is means tested and will take her husband's income into account. If you are disabled and either married or living with a partner, you are at their mercy.
The mobility part of my pip pays for a wav, the daily living part pays for a cleaner and a carer a few hours per week. My contribution based esa goes in the family pot.
My husband isn't a dick though and he would spend his last £ making sure I have everything I need to make my life easier.

It should be used for whatever you want it to be used. So if you'd like new carpets because you spend a lot of time indoors then it should be your choice not anyone else's. If you think it would be better used more specifically and related to your disability then that is how it should be used. If it gets added to the shared pot it will get used on general expenses which again is OK if you are happy with it but it should be your choice. It could be used to make your life easier or happier so even just getting your hair done every few months, or getting new clothes so you feel more confident when you do go out.

I am concerned that his first thoughts weren't what is best for you and it seems you've acknowledged that. Best of luck op.

Thanks, I'm getting help from Debra, the charity for people with Epidermolysis Bulloss. My (telephone) assessment is next week, assuming they don't cancel on the day again like they did last time!

I'll request a copy of the report, thanks!

Can I just add that DWP rules state they’re under no obligation to provide claimants with a copy of the assessment report until they have made the award decision and have written to the claimant to advise it. The assessors’ report contains scores for each activity assessed and it’s sometimes possible to pre-empt the official decision, so they may stick to their guns. Having said that, if you don’t ask, you don’t get, so when you’ve had the text message to say DWP have received the report contact them on 121 4433 0800 121 4433 or textphone 121 4493 0800 121 4493 and request one, but be prepared for a refusal.

It’s your right to get a copy of the assessment report once you have your decision but you need to request one as soon as possible if you’re going to challenge that decision. You only have 28 days from the date on the award letter to request a mandatory reconsideration and to have the best possible chance of doing this successfully you need the assessors’ report so you can check not only that information contained in it is accurate, but that the DWP have interpreted it correctly in making their decision. DWP don’t use first class post so if the award letter takes a significant amount of time to get to you and you want to challenge it, ring DWP, tell them you want a mandatory reconsideration, that you will put it in writing and that you want extra time to gather evidence. They should then give you a couple of weeks extra to get the request in. MAKE SURE to tell them you will put the request in writing - if you don’t they will review it automatically without input from you and you’ll end up with the same decision.

A couple of final points. Don’t send any new evidence for a mandatory reconsideration. DWP can only reconsider the decision and decide whether or not it was correct based on the original evidence. If you think a piece of original evidence has been misinterpreted you can get a clarification, but they won’t consider any new facts not used in the original assessment process. And finally, I advise people never to send anything connected with your claim to DWP by any other service than special delivery. DWP have a policy - proof of posting is not proof of receipt. So a certificate of posting is useless, as is a service that doesn’t collect a signature on delivery - you need to be able to prove that you sent it, and that DWP received it.

Given your detailed accounts of your husband being unsupportive of your needs to buy appropriate equipment, no YANBU. Keep the backdated money and buy what you need with it. I’m sorry you have to put up with that shit from him. I understand you may see remaining in the marriage as the lesser of two evils. Maybe that will change in the future. I hope so for you 💐

This is why you never tell your DH how much you get unless you plan on sharing lol.

What's his is yours but what's yours is yours. He could find that unjust out of principle. Definitely offer it to the pot. If he wants you to treat yourself let him offer that but don't do it expecting it. If you keep it, it sends a message to him...and it's not a good one.

agh…this is NOT what it is designed for .
whether it goes in a pot or not, it is to be used for the additional costs of eing disabled. That does mean, you’re right, it could be used for anything , but for HER not him, and is awarded as help with additional stuff that if she was not disabled she wouldn’t need to spend
whilst it could be used for, say, heating bills, her ESA income should be paying their normal bills on that..the PIP would be for say her having to work form home or needing higher temperature that incurs higher costs than average fuel bills.
whoalt she could buy food- that would be special diet food needed for her disability if that was the case
it is NOT paid for general household income and contributing to normal bills. It is specifically aimed at the extra costs she, personally, incurs form being disabled.

I’m assuming from what you say , your husband supported you with your disability even prior to PIP so he has been paying for your support qnd needs so I say it should go in the family pot to be used together so you can carry on being supported

She is already providing to the pot with her ESA. Around £500 a month.

PIP awarded to the person who has been assessed that this money will make their lives more manageable due to their disability.

What if he says nope you cannot treat yourself to adaptations that will make your life easier and that helps you with your independence? Things that improve quality of life? Like the electric wheel chair he is sulking about as he doesn’t want her to upgrade from a manual chair.

What message does it sent when a person has to ask permission to use money that has been awarded to them?

Sorry I will take my previous comment to an extend as I saw your other posts . Basically I would be buying what you need as a hoist and any adaptations you need . I assumed he had been financially supporting those adaptations himself prior to pip but if you are in need of things that can help you then that’s exactly what pip is for to help make your life as comfortable as possible

My DH gets ESA & DLA & that money goes into our joint account. But then all our money is shared

I can see both sides. I guess if you lived on your own then the disability money would end up being used for day to day things as you would likely struggle more - or though would get additional UC I’d imagine. The cost of running the house should be split between all the income coming into the house. I know you said ‘we can live off DH’s income’ but that’s not how a partnership works. If you weren’t disabled and earning a wage from working, would both incomes go into the pot?

when my ex and I were together we earned vastly different amounts. We put all the money in the common pot and then both took some back for our personal use. We took the same back.

I do understand the PIP element as my daughter gets DLA. I do use it to pay for specific things for her but then the rest goes in the household pot - me running her about to activities costs me petrol etc. My ex seemed to think that I should split it with him but he doesn’t do any of the running about. He did even suggest he claimed it so he could give up work - Yep no chance. It basically buys her activities and informs and extra things she needs but does free up my general pot for household things for me and my other daughter.

Yes you should be able to buy a hoist and electric wheelchair if that’s what you need. That should also come from the joint pot. A carpet might not help the wheelchair but it will make a different to the household warmth in the winter, noise levels, general asthetics. You need to compromise.

when my parents were together my dad got his pension early for ill health and then the older equivalent pre ESA. That was his household income contribution. My mum earned twice that and worked full time but was also disabled with notability. The household benefitted from all the money but they did move to a property my mum needed and the mobility car she got benefitted the whole family.

My ex had severe and enduring mental health issues for last 20 years of our 39 year marriage. He didn’t work for last 15 of those years.

he qualified intitially for PIP (under previous name) at lowest level and we both agreed it would be used for stuff to ease stress on him and help him get out more . It went on gym membership, a few outings occasionally with his support group, plus music CDs ( which helped block voices) and some gardening stuff ..all good stuff to help his mental well-being. I asked for him to pay for cleaner as he had be doing the cleaning before diagnosis but it was sparodic and half arsed (bear in mind I was working full time to try to maximise income I bought in to support us both - and yes I was a higher rate tax payer) .He agreed to this, albeit reluctantly, but did recognise later on it had actually reduced a burden on him that was right thing to do.

he didn’t qualify for other beneifts as I earnt too much

but for a while, I did claim carers allowance. It was tiny amount but did allow me to spend it on a few items to help my stress level (his behaviour could be abusive at times). Stuff like cheapish gym membership for me, some counselling etc etc

OP, would your husband qualify for carers allowance, it’s not a lot but may help him to nderstand he has needs in role of carer and you have seperate needs as disabled, and those allowances given to you must be used by you as individuals to help make your individual lives a little easier

Yes you should be able to buy a hoist and electric wheelchair if that’s what you need. That should also come from the joint pot. A carpet might not help the wheelchair but it will make a different to the household warmth in the winter, noise levels, general asthetics. You need to compromise

The issue, from what I have read, of the money goes into the pot, op doesn't get the things she needs to help her day to day life, which is what her disability money is for. She had to fight for an electric wheelchair!

To quote the op
tbh my initial reaction would have been along those lines too. I dont think there is anything wrong as such with putting it in the common pot as long as the disabled person can have access to whatever they need for their disability.
For me, it means I don’t want to think twice about spending some of that money of acupuncture treatments to treat my migraines (esp as painkillers don’t work for me). I don’t want to feel guilty about the cost of the therapist I’m seeing to help me adjust and deal with the grief coming from suddenly being disabled, loosing my job and business etc
Unfortunately, for us, if that money goes in the common pot, it will get used for ‘things’ and just disappear.
Because the assumption is not that it’s specifically to help me with my health needs 😢😢

Op, also make sure that your DH uses his status as a carer properly. For instance he can get free admission to certain things as your carer to support you. There are other things too that help grease the wheels just a little as well as, as I said in previous response, carer allowance. Make sure he looks on line and makes use of everything you can as a reconginsed “carer”.
I worked long hours in paid employment, but it didn’t stop me being a carer as per government definitions for benefits and support. The definition reconginise that once back home he’ll be doing stuff to support you if needed 24/7.

To claim carers allowance, the person cannot earn more than £139 a week. The ops dh is a high earner

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

I deal with a lot of disabled people as part of my job role and do have a lot of discussions regarding finances. I would say for most couples, it just all goes in the same pot and the disabled persons needs/ equipment are purchased as required from that pot. Most people see it as household money. Unfortunately as ESA/ UC is often not enough to live on many just have to use the PIP to supplement paying for bills. Rarely hear of anyone having a separate pot of PIP money to be honest !

@Tilliemolly a person with a disability has significantly higher costs than you have - hugely higher.

You haven’t the first clue what you are talking about unless you have been a carer for a disabled person or have disability yourself.

Things like specialist equipment and care, medical treatment, extra utilities and food costs, extra housing costs to meet their needs. The list is very long and the funds provided are insufficient.

Disabled people very often don’t have the facility to work like you do or pursue career goals.

Perhaps rather than griping and being resentful about the income of disabled people, you could put your energy into your own career to attain the income you aspire to have.

After all there is nothing disabling you to prevent you.

People can still be recognized as a carer without claiming carers allowance. And also on UC, carers can still claim the carers element regardless of their earnings. I know op' and partner would be very unlikely to qualify for UC, but this may help someone else.

FYI @Tilliemolly for us to get one night’s respite - a single night - for a disabled person in our family it cost £120.00

That is the tip of the iceberg.

Why do you suppose he supported me before being unable to work?
And that somehow I didn’t support him?

What a strange idea to assume that
1- I didnt contribute to the household finances in the first place
2- support can only be financial.

Read my following post OP

Sorry @Nothingisblackandwhite , I didn’t realise the link between your two posts…

OP, I’m shocked at the number of replies you’ve received saying it should go in the family pot. I don’t think it should, keep it secure and separate just for you.

Mumsnet is normally full of women stating how important it is that we all keep our financial independence and have an ‘escape fund’ in case it’s ever needed. This could be yours. Your husband has no right to be getting ideas on how to spend that money if he even begrudged your EWC. Stay firm and keep those precious funds to yourself. Presumably he is able to earn more money than you? If so he doesn’t need your PIP and can wind his neck in.

I recently received backdated PIP myself, decided to keep it separate in my own account. OH and I do have separate finances though, works best for us due to different priorities and outlooks on money.