IVF parents, will you tell your child(ren) They're IVF?

[MadeWithLoveAndALittleBitOfScience]

Just that really! I know some people have mixed views on the ethics of IVF and I know nobody has the given rights to have a child.

I had a very rare and aggressive type of cancer a few years ago. I still have the cancer and always will as it's not a cancer that can ever go into full remission. But after gruelling surgeries and extensive chemo and nearly dying, I'm here to tell the tale. I'm NED and long May that continue. But it'll always be in my body, just hoping it stays quiet and doesn't rear it's ugly head again.

The chemotherapy destroyed my chances of naturally conceiving (destroyed a large number of my eggs) so we had to go through IVF to select the good eggs. We were lucky enough to have 6 embryos. 5 in the freezer, and one currently sat in front of me. She is biologically ours, and she is the centre of my world. I think age is on my side. I'm still in my twenties.

There's my little life story and reasoning to get IVF. This was after my cancer treatment as I didn't have time to freeze my eggs. The cancer is too aggressive.

If you have IVF child(ren) are you planning on telling them, and if so, how?
We don't want to make it a big deal but we would like to tell DD how we had her, and any subsequent children should we decide to try for number 2. DD is only 2 just now, so we're a while off.

Just looking for thoughts and experiences!
Thank you.

our twins are almost 6 and we have always mentioned it… “we had to go to a special hospital as mummy’s tummy didn’t work” to start then gradually more details. Congratulations xx

Yes, I have one child conceived naturally and my 2nd via IVF. He's 5, we tell him we had to go to a hospital to get pregnant with him and he's older we will go into more details.

Btw I am very glad your got your DD after what sounds like a very stressful and scary time. Really hoping the cancer keeps low for you all

DS was IVF and yes we will tell him. There shouldn't be a stigma around it.

My twins are 20 = they've known for years, can't even remember the time we told them - a non-issue in our household, our views aren't mixed, we chose to have them, other people have their opinions - so what?

Yes will tell DD in an age appropriate way, hopefully she won’t think much of it.

We've told our boy since we started talking. He's always been interested in how mummy and daddy found each other. We talk a lot about family and love. He knows that we wanted a baby very much and we had to had a doctor help us to have him.

I was an IVF baby, long enough ago that we were still called 'test tube babies' 😂 I don't remember ever being told or not knowing, it was only ever mentioned in a jokey way and I always knew that was why I was a lot younger than my brother. The only thing I ever remember being a thing was that when I learned about sex and the gross realisation to a kid that parents had done that for you to exist I was smug about it, MY parents had NEVER done that. It was only when I was about 18 and my mum was talking about it and some of the difficulties they'd faced (some family members thinking it was wrong, unnatural etc before I was born as it was still a fairly new procedure) that she casually threw in 'we were trying for 10 years before it was an option' and my world crashed in and I was like 🤢🤮. I'd just always thought they knew it wasn't possible so hadn't bothered 😂

I’m weeks away from giving birth to an IVF baby and I will proudly tell her she is here thanks to the miracle of science and medicine. Why on earth would there be shame around it? IVF is a medical solution to a medical issue.

I imagine it is more difficult to explain if donor eggs or sperm were used.

Yes this is it for us. DS1 was conceived naturally and DS2 is donor egg with DH sperm. I worry about their reaction to not being "full" brothers for want of a better word

We have teenagers who know that they were they were ivf and from the same cycle but DS was frozen (which is apparently why he likes the cold...)

Call me silly but I never even considered this to be an issue.

I'm about to go down the IVF route and it never even would have crossed my mind to bring it up to my child!

I just think it's a complete minor issue, maybe it's just me

My son is 21 and conceived through (what was then a relatively new procedure) ICSI. I told him and his sister who was conceived naturally. They weren't bothered in the slightest!

Same here. Have told her ever since she was able to understand Pregnancy. Mainly because she wanted a sibling and I always said that Mummy found it hard to get pregnant and we needed a special doctor and special hospital. Always said how special it was and how hard/desperately we tried to have her. How lucky we are and how special she is. Now as a teenager, she understands more about the science of it all and understands the difficulty.

Yes we have told our eldest, bit of a non event, we’ve spoken about it for years, our youngest was natural conception, both miracle babies, one born out of science, the other having perhaps DTD once in a month when I was 42!

I've been open. Many of my friends knew we had ivf so it seemed inappropriate to keep the information from her even if I had wanted to (which I didn't).

A friend of mine has two precious IVF babies and she's always been very open with everyone about their journey and that they're 'twins' just 3 years apart (same batch of eggs, the younger one kept on ice)

There a world of potential for shame and secrets in families but this isn't and shouldn't be one.

Not unless and until she's of an age to start thinking about having babies herself, tbh. I don't think she needs to know that Daddy had no swimmers before that. 🤔 Obviously, if she asks, I won't lie, but I wouldn't discuss the conception of a naturally-conceived child with them unless it was necessary, so I don't see why this should be different.

@HappyHealthy23 I agree with your view point

Yes I’ve told him since day one. Not wise to keep secrets from kids - especially if they’re donor conceived. Much better to be open and honest.

He’s met the doctor who made him too - he’s our hero 😍😊.

@HappyHealthy23 i couldn’t disagree with you more tbh.

It’s not something I’ll tell my twins unless they ask. We talk about ways to have babies (they are 6) and that people use different ways to achieve families if they ask. I have the photos of them as embryos and they have seen them but weren’t that bothered. I have been clear that I didn’t want it to be a “thing.” My mum kept referring to them as miracles and I asked her stop - the medical procedures I had to have them are not relevant and human conception it’s self is a miracle- if anything they had a better chance because of all the interventions!

@HappyHealthy23 Totally agree, Dd, 4, was via ivf, it’s not much of an issue or something I’ve actually thought much about, but we’ll tell her when she’s older

Fair enough. You do you.

I've always been open with it, in an age appropriate way.

It was quite funny because when my IVF twins started high school, in the first term they were talking about fertilisation in the biology lesson and my dd put her hand up and said "but what about IVF babies" and the teacher was non-plussed! She said "how do you know about that" and my dd said "because we are IVF babies". She was very amused when she got home and told me. She knew more about IVF than the biology teacher and was quite tickled.