Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What sort of freedom does your older primary child have?

95 replies

bennybobo · 24/04/2023 21:57

Dd is 9 (10 in December) and in Y4. We live in what I'd consider a safe area, and the only thing I'd majorly worry about is the roads, but our immediate village roads are quiet. Dd is very sensible and is very cautious when it comes to road safety etc.

I have started letting her walk to the corner shop with a friend who is also allowed (less than 5 mins away), and she goes to the park with a friend which is around 5 mins away in the other direction. She's also happy to stay at home if I nip out to the shop, or up the road to my business to collect/drop something off (approx 10/15 mins round trip on foot). There's a couple of kids on the street who she is friends with and they often play out for a couple of hours after school or on the weekends, but stay on the street or down the alley behind our terrace. She has a phone and can contact me, or I can contact her (although I can usually hear them playing if I stick my head out of the door!).

A friend of mine has a dd the same age and has commented that she wouldn't allow her to do these things without an adult. It has made me wonder if this is ok? I grew up on a rough council estate and was allowed a lot of freedom, but I was her age in 1999 so a while ago!!

If you have children the same age, what sort of freedom do they have?

OP posts:
treetop122 · 24/04/2023 22:15

I have an 8 year old in year 3 so am watching this thread for what others do.
Sorry not much help in my reply! Currently my 8 year old hasn't been given much freedom but I know it's coming!

superking · 24/04/2023 22:23

My DD is six months older than yours so currently in Y5, 10 next month. I leave her at home for up to an hour alone (have worked up from beginning to leave her for ten mins about a year ago). She has just recently walked to a cafe with a friend without an adult for the first time (about a ten min walk away and they spent about 30 mins at the café). Towards the end of this term I plan to start letting her walk home from school alone (approx 15 minutes).

We live on a busy road so there's not really the opportunity to play out with friends, but I expect that this summer I will let her go to the park with her friends for an hour or so unsupervised.

She is sensible and confident and is excited to have more independence.

MuggleMe · 24/04/2023 22:31

We have a middle school system here so my 9yo will be walking over a mile to school with friends come Sept. To prepare her she's started walking the 5 mins to school by herself (I get there earlier with her little sister and see her go in as school doesn't usually allow it) and im planning on getting her used to a phone before Sept and like you, pop to shops and park with friends. She has ASD and can get thrown if situations don't go to plan so taking it slow, no playing out yet as that's when things can go sideways.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families Primary education
Original poster
bennybobo · 24/04/2023 22:35

Thanks for the responses. DD's school allow walking on their own from Y5, but we literally live a 30 second walk away Grin

I guess I'm not unusual in the freedom im giving her at the moment then. I just second guessed myself after the comment!

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 24/04/2023 22:40

Mine is 9. Will be 10 in October so bit old than yours.
Has none of the freedom yours has.
Neither do I think she's ready for it either.
Never left her on her own. She's not gone somewhere on her own apart from playing in Street but that's just outside our house.
She doesn't have a phone

It's interesting though cos we have neighbours who've been harassing us and part of that harassment is many malicious reports to children's services. If I let her go places by herself they'd have a field day 🤣

Okunevo · 24/04/2023 22:41

DS is 16 now but he had a similar level of freedom with regard to playing out at that age. He was home alone for up to two hours on occasion, and regularly got the school bus home then let himself in 45 minutes before me.

SpringBunnies · 24/04/2023 22:41

I think what you are doing is fine. At my DC primary school, we can hand in a form from year 5 to let them walk home after school. I have a 12 and 8 year old. DC2 has never been left home alone yet but I think we will start when she is 9. DC1 started walking home from school from 10 in year 5. She was left home alone when we drove DC2 to clubs at the same age.

BeeandG · 24/04/2023 22:41

My 9yr old in Y4 will be 10 in October. We are allowing the 5 minute walk to the local shop normally on a Saturday or Sunday morning. She has a phone which I never intended on so early but it gives me peace of mind when she walks to the shop. I'll leave her in for say 10 to 15 minutes if I need to. She would like more freedom but I can be a bit of a worrier and I think she has enough for now. She is very independently minded which has led things a little. She loves having a bit more independence.

muminherts · 24/04/2023 22:42

I let mine walk out alone to shops from ten

purpleme12 · 24/04/2023 22:46

This thread actually makes me sad cos I'd be so scared to let her go out by herself or leave her by herself as the awful neighbours would report.

IForgotMyUsernameAgain · 24/04/2023 22:47

DS year 5, 10 and a half. Small town, very low crime etc.

I leave him home alone for up to an hour but only if I'm somewhere local, like the supermarket in our town. I don't feel comfortable leaving him and going out of town.

He walks home alone from school as he finishes slightly later than his sister, but we all tend to talk in together in the morning.

I would let him walk to the shop (it's next to school) but he isn't keen on going into a shop alone for some reason.

I think now the weather is improving I would be happy for him to go to the park after school with a friend, but his best friend lives out of town and gets driven in so it might not happen!

PuttingDownRoots · 24/04/2023 22:49

Since last summer my now 10yo has been walking to school alone (and home again in Yr5), pops to the shop for milk or similar if needed, to the post box, and plays out with friends on our estate. Shes allowed to the woods on her bike in a group but not alone (it has bike trails and we prefer them to be in groups in case one comes off). She can also cycle the mile home from Cubs alone while I finish up with the other leaders (her sister is at home, not an empty house).

We live in a very quiet area. This seems a normal amount of freedom for the area judging by the group of friends shes out with (9-12yos, including her older sister sometimes)

DelurkingAJ · 24/04/2023 22:54

DS1 is 10 (Year 5) and has less freedom and no phone (we’ve been told there have been three significant safeguarding issues as a result of smartphones in his year at school this year so he’s been told he’ll get a brick next year). We do leave him home alone for up to about 20 minutes and are gradually extending this. Also doing part of the walk home from school. Aiming for much greater freedom by this time next year. We’re somewhere in the middle and very much in line with my 80s childhood (my parents and friends’ parents would have been scandalised if we’d ‘played out’ with no supervision at 10, but we lived in a large house, my friends had gardens and adults were happy to supervise bike rides etc).

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 24/04/2023 22:54

@bennybobo I. Could have written your post nearly the exact same.

DD is 9 but will be 10 in a few weeks so Y5

Also live in a village (the same one i grew up in)

She's been doing a lot similar to your DD for about a year except the park wich she has only been to a couple of time as it is a but further in our village.

She's an only child and I am a single parent. It has been the right time for us although sometimes I keep the neighbors know if I'm popin out in case of emergency and she knows she can go there is she need to

She has also just started walking home from school with a friend

A few of he friends in the village have similar privileges but not loads in her age group

Except playing out which lots do thankfully

Fundays12 · 24/04/2023 22:58

My just turned 11 year old can walk to school and home himself (10 min walk away and very little roads etc), meet friends at the park next to the school after school for an hour aslong as he has sent me a message to tell me he is going, can stay in the house for up to an hour and plays out the front and around our street. He has a phone. I do strictly control it because I work with children and grooming of kids via phones is one of the biggest risks to them now. I really push him to be independent as I think it's important because he does struggle naturally with change and low self esteem. We also live in a fairly safe quiet area in the north of Scotland, know all the neighbours and the kids are all at school together etc.

Flockameanie · 24/04/2023 22:59

DD is just ten and has been cycling round our village on her own (eg to a sports session about 10 mins walk away) on her own for a while. I’d happily let her walk to a friend’s, etc, and also leave her at home for an hour or so, but she doesn’t want me to yet! But she’s always had a bit of anxiety around being in the house by herself. She doesn’t have a phone though and won’t until she starts secondary.

I think what you/ your DD does sounds fine. At their age I was commuting to school half an hour by train in the London suburbs by myself. But that was, ahem, in the late 80s…

Morewineplease10 · 24/04/2023 23:06

My younger child is the same age as yours OP but does none of those things yet.

I'm thinking in 6 months to a year from now.
I've left them with their older sibling a few times while I've gone to a local shop.

ItWasntMyFault · 24/04/2023 23:12

My two are adults now but were allowed to do similar at that age and were playing out in our cul de sac for a couple of years before that.
They had phones at that age too but only the very basic Nokia type so we could call them or they could call us if needed.

wingingit1987 · 24/04/2023 23:16

My eldest son is almost 9. I still take him to school (taking younger siblings anyway). He isn’t allowed out and about without us but we drop him at his friends house for a few hours most weeks. We have a big shared space which is enclosed behind the gardens in our street- he is allowed to play there while I’m in the kitchen and can hear him if he were to shout.

MasterCherry · 24/04/2023 23:18

We're in a central location in a small city, about 10 mins from school, and my 10yo (y5) walks to and from school by herself. We relocated here last year from a different part of the country where we lived a mile from school along a busy main road, and we'd definitely have worried more about that. However, I did start sending her up a quieter road to our neighborhood Co-op shortly before we moved. Here she can pop to the town shops by herself - she's allowed to stay out for 45 mins max and knows that she's gradually earning the right to stay out longer by showing me she can keep to time. Taking herself to school each day has also done wonders for her timekeeping skills!

We've got a nice park nearby and I'd be really pleased for her to play out there, but sadly no friends live close enough. At home I'm happy to leave her for up to an hour.

I think she has more freedom to go out than many of her friends (this is partly enabled by our convenient location in a pedestrian-friendly city). But what shocks me is how much freedom these same friends seem to have to use phones! We are sort of moving towards getting her a phone, but I've warned her it will hardly be capable of anything except getting in touch with us.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 24/04/2023 23:24

I live in London and my daughter has walked to school alone from the end of year 5 (often with friends). She stayed at home for an hour or so from about ten. They have to learn independence or it will be a shock when they have to do this.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 25/04/2023 06:48

Just started doing this with my 10.5 year old. We live in south London and it’s quite a safe area. We’d been leaving him at home for a while but had yet to give him any freedom outside. I started becoming aware that other kids his age were going to the shops and the park and stuff, so we’ve just started letting him go out.

He’s been to the shops a few times and last weekend went to the park with his mate for a couple of hours. We’ve just got him a Nokia type mobile literally just for being able to contact him/ him call us. It feels like such a big step but how is he supposed to become street wise if he never has the opportunities to learn?

ShoesoftheWorld · 25/04/2023 06:55

What your dd is doing sounds about 'right' for her age to me. I have older teens and started leaving them alone at home for 20 mins or so at around 9. I think walks 5 min to the shops started at that sort of age too, likewise they were 8 or 9 when I started letting them come part of the way home from school by themselves (not UK). IIRC, in fact, my middle child was cycling to school on his own (5 min, safe pavements/roads) from the summer term of Y4, when he was 9 going on 10.

I also have a younger dd who is 7, 8 in the autumn, and I think next school year will be when she starts doing very short walks to places alone.

Crunchymum · 25/04/2023 06:57

London here too. Very little outdoor freedom (yet) but we've started letting him leave before us so technically he walks to school alone [we're behind him, can see him but far enough away that is is walking himself]

No mobile yet but I'll leave him home alone for up to 90 minutes (I'm never far away. Im just at ballet lessons or swimming etc) and he can call me from landline and vice versa.

Going to work on giving more outdoor freedom. He's 10 / Y5 . I have younger DC so older DC won't ever walk to school all by himself as we're going the same way at the same time.

ShoesoftheWorld · 25/04/2023 07:00

And yes to a PP's point that some children with very little physical/spatial independence seem to have a vast amount of freedom with phones. My older two got tightly controlled ones at 10/11 and were gradually allowed to do more with them over the next few years (we said no to SM for the first year or two IIRC). Dd has already observed that a couple of her classmates have them Shock.