What sort of freedom does your older primary child have?

[bennybobo]

Dd is 9 (10 in December) and in Y4. We live in what I'd consider a safe area, and the only thing I'd majorly worry about is the roads, but our immediate village roads are quiet. Dd is very sensible and is very cautious when it comes to road safety etc.

I have started letting her walk to the corner shop with a friend who is also allowed (less than 5 mins away), and she goes to the park with a friend which is around 5 mins away in the other direction. She's also happy to stay at home if I nip out to the shop, or up the road to my business to collect/drop something off (approx 10/15 mins round trip on foot). There's a couple of kids on the street who she is friends with and they often play out for a couple of hours after school or on the weekends, but stay on the street or down the alley behind our terrace. She has a phone and can contact me, or I can contact her (although I can usually hear them playing if I stick my head out of the door!).

A friend of mine has a dd the same age and has commented that she wouldn't allow her to do these things without an adult. It has made me wonder if this is ok? I grew up on a rough council estate and was allowed a lot of freedom, but I was her age in 1999 so a while ago!!

If you have children the same age, what sort of freedom do they have?

Your boundaries and freedoms sound well thought-through and appropriate for your child’s temperament and your local area.

Mine is ten in November. She wouldn’t be allowed to do any of that nor are her friends. We live in a small town and on a new build estate so fairly safe but it’s not the done thing here. It’s more when they’re in year 6 you see them going to the park on their own.

AS others have said - sad that people will give children unbridled access online (when there are very very clear dangers of doing so) - but scared of taking the very much smaller risks of being outdoor in public places

My 11 year old (year 6 ) - goes to park with friends - walks home alone - we live in a busy city - but a smallish one and we mvoed here from south London so it seems very safe in comparison.

I think when saying no to childhood freedom - we the adults have to think why? What is my son at risk from?

children need physical exercise and fresh air - more than adults can give them by ferrying them around. And yes they need to take risks. Or they will not be able to properly evaluate risks as they get older.

btw. LOVE that your children play out OP _ the more people encourage this the more we will push back against the dominance of car culture.

I’m London / Surrey borders. I wouldn’t let my 10 year out alone tbh. It’s far too busy and I wouldn’t consider it safe to do so
he will start walking to and from school in January next year as year 6

So I have a 11 year old DS (Y6) and 8 year old DD (Y3). We live in outer London/Surrey and DS began to travel to school by bus in oct. It’s a 25 walk with an unsavoury underpass to use so he prefers the bus as do we. He now goes to/from school on his own every day. He ventures to local shops and gets the bus to friends houses but hasn’t actually gone to town on his own, we haven’t stopped him but other parents aren’t giving as much freedom as we are. People here don’t play in the street; both hubby & I grew up on a council estate so this is the opposite of our childhood where we were outside playing everyday & we would love it both kids could. We leave DS home when we go out for up to 2 hours, he knows he can contact us & grandparents live in the next street if there was a problem. We also leave DD at home with him sometimes when we walk the dog (20 mins) so she can learn how to behave.

DD 9, playing out most evenings now it is light, on our estate with local friends. She plans to walk over a mile to school from year 5. We leave her at home for about an hour if doing errand/taking over sibling to something, and she can't play out in that time, as we aren't there to let her in/out. She doesn't have a phone and I hope to hold off till secondary. I believe the online risks (and obsession) are far greater than the risks of playing out, and if they all had phones they'd just sit on their phones in the park rather than playing.

I do all of what you listed apart from leave in the house alone, somehow I feel more nervous about this, (someone trying to break in and fire) and I think as a parent if anything did go wrong we’d be ripped apart by media and society. A few years ago here a woman posted how she left her 14 year old in while she went to work during lockdown and a man was trying to get in the back door, this terrifies me thinking of a 9 year old

Depends on child and also area

We moved house and I let my 8 year old have a lot more freedom because the area was completely different- safe, quiet, lots of greens, lots of similar age kids all playing out. I wouldn’t have allowed it where we previously lived.

My youngest child is now a similar age but can’t do the same things as he has ASD, is very young for his age and would not be safe yet.

Sounds perfect. You are easing her in gently to independence !

Yes me too. It's about assessing risk though. What are the risks (and associated probabilities) of allowing them some freedom, but also what are the risks of not allowing them?

The issue with parks as well though is not only paedophiles but attacks from other children. Look at that poor girl that got stabbed in the park recently. There’s been some children attacked at our local park after school and filmed. We live in a quiet town so goodness knows what’s going on in the cities.

My ds9 (10 in august) walks to and from school alone & with friends. Home from after school club alone. no phone but it’s not far.
I haven’t left him home alone. I would worry about deliveries or other callers at the door. I could tell him not to answer but our living room is visible from the doorstep so people would still see him.

Wow my dd is very nearly 10 (yr5)and doesn’t have any of this freedom, although she doesn’t want it so I guess it’s not something I’ve even considered? She’s allowed to play out front unsupervised with a friend of the same age but neither of them are allowed to the park round the corner for example. In fact I can’t think of any of her class friends that are allowed to do any of this - only 1 or 2 from a class of 30 walks home alone but then a lot have younger siblings so maybe that’s circumstantial? Mine doesn’t have a phone either so I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving her home alone (and she wouldn’t want to!). I know it’s coming though and it’s good to get insight into what others are allowing at her age.

My 10 year old is y6. I’d say she had a little freedom at 9 but she was in y4 by then as august born so y4 would have been 8 all through. Corner shop yes. I’d supervise her to the end of the street to cross to a friend’s to play out. No staying home alone - she won’t even now 10 and y6 and I’ve tried. Since y6 and only just turning 10 she’s been walking to and from school herself. They can from y5 but I’ve only just allowed her this year. School about 10-15 minute walk with one estate busy road. This year she’s gone out a lot more with friends to play out of the street and get herself there and back. I did try allowing her in y4 with her older sister but older sister doesn’t really play out. Older sister is autistic. They squabble a lot.

I guess it’s up to you. My mum gets worried about my daughter being out on her own now, especially walking home after school after an activity, so around 5pm but only since it’s lighter nights. She’s fine. She stays out with her friends later now it’s light.

DS is almost 11, he has been walking home from school since Y5 as I had to have an operation and knew I wouldn’t be able to collect him. He is sensible and had consistently showed us that he is responsible on the roads and can safely cross the road or have the confidence to ask someone to help him on the really busy areas by the school.

He has beeb walking to the park since about the same time. He’s only allowed to go to the park if he’s meeting friends. He can’t just turn up there and wait for someone to come. He has to have planned to meet someone there. He also goes to the shop on the way sometimes, and will pick things up for me if I need it. He knows how to use my card contactless.

I think it completely depends on the child and whether they are sensible enough. There are some kids on his class (Y6 now) who just couldn’t be trusted to be sensible and walk home, so it’s definitely a Judgement call

We did similar in terms of easing into it with ds. Dd is a but younger - just turned 8- and er are starting it v slowly. With ds, what was important to us was that he started with support - an older friend or cousin or whatever - and I am trying the same with dd. Eg she has twice been to the shop (less than 5 minutes walk) with ds or dn. And she has stayed home with ds while I pop out for 10 minutes to give dh a lift.

I agree with other posters... its very important they learn and we have to help them with this. It's quite interesting to see that in ds' primary friendship group, the children with more independence from.a younger age seem to have settled into secondary better. The two friends with the least independence when younger are also the two who now don't want to do.anytbing except play station and computers, don't join in groups at school etc.

My son is now 12- when he was your DDs age he was allowed to play out with friends, go to the local shop and go to the park. He is a very sensible boy and had a phone so could contact me anytime etc.
my daughter however is 8 in July and she is only allowed to play on the street with friends from the street. She isn’t sensible enough or at the same maturity level my son was at their fore she can’t do what he could. I think it’s totally up to the parents as they know their own children and what they are capable of :)

My year 5 child nagged and nagged to be allowed to walk alone. He used to walk with his sibling in year 3, without a parent, so maybe is used to it.
Thinking about it we do lots of get togethers with sibling groups and I think this helps the younger ones become more independent.

You know the area, if safe I’d be a yes for local shop. Local park I’m not sure, if I could see was a totally safe neighbourhood possibly, but I would not where I live (totally safe but busier roads that I would like).

I do feel kids become more independent when allowed things like this which if positive, but mine would not be ready coupled with busy roads.