What sort of freedom does your older primary child have?

[bennybobo]

Dd is 9 (10 in December) and in Y4. We live in what I'd consider a safe area, and the only thing I'd majorly worry about is the roads, but our immediate village roads are quiet. Dd is very sensible and is very cautious when it comes to road safety etc.

I have started letting her walk to the corner shop with a friend who is also allowed (less than 5 mins away), and she goes to the park with a friend which is around 5 mins away in the other direction. She's also happy to stay at home if I nip out to the shop, or up the road to my business to collect/drop something off (approx 10/15 mins round trip on foot). There's a couple of kids on the street who she is friends with and they often play out for a couple of hours after school or on the weekends, but stay on the street or down the alley behind our terrace. She has a phone and can contact me, or I can contact her (although I can usually hear them playing if I stick my head out of the door!).

A friend of mine has a dd the same age and has commented that she wouldn't allow her to do these things without an adult. It has made me wonder if this is ok? I grew up on a rough council estate and was allowed a lot of freedom, but I was her age in 1999 so a while ago!!

If you have children the same age, what sort of freedom do they have?

My ten year has zero freedom. I don’t let him stay home alone ever, no walking anywhere independently or sleep overs. He’s extremely sensible so I’m happy to start allowing this stuff when he starts secondary.

Yep I’ve got one of those too.

I have a 9 year old and I am also starting to let him do trips out close to home with a friend. We have no large roads to cross to get to the shops and I give him a time limits and distance limit. Each time he’s gone he’s been back within 10 minutes. I think it’s sensible to start giving some safe independence so they can start working on their skills over the next couple of years. I know some parents wait until they’re older but really by age 11/12 when they go to secondary they need to be able to move about indepedantly.

My 9 yr old has a lot of freedom, she is very mature and streetwise, I allow her to stay in the house herself for short periods of time, go out to play for long periods of time and she has also started getting the bus to the shopping centre around 20 minutes away with her older cousin age 11, she has gained trust by always behaving, being sensible and always has her phone and answers it everytime.

My dd is year 4 but not 9 till next Month. We live in a rural community(tiny rural welsh town), so its fairly safe. She is allowed to go round the corner to a friends house and they play out just in our street or can go up the hill behind our house. They haven't been to the shop yet but from September I think I'll let her as long as they go together. It's an 8 minute walk. School is a simular distance in the opposite direction, so I'm thinking September for walking there too. I'd let her walk by herself now but the road just round the corner from the school has cars whizzing in and out a lot at that time of the morning.

I think what you allow is age appropriate.

My son is in year 6 and can walk to and from school. Plays out in the village with friends at the park, in the woods etc. Can go to the shops himself. He's fine to be left at home for a couple of hours.
Id say what you are doing with yours op is fine.

I think this is quite unusual unless there are special needs. I can't imagine a 10 year old with zero freedom at all, does that not bother him? Doesn't he want to play out?

Mine are young adults now but from age 10 I’d leave the eldest in the house while I picked up youngest from an activity - built it up from 15 mins to up to half an hour etc. Youngest wasn’t comfortable with this until later so I didn’t do it.
Also started them walking to postbox and back, that sort of thing.
They played out a bit but we lived in a tiny road w barely any cars, so… eldest had a friend across the road that she’d go to on her own aged 10, but another mum saw her dash across when a car was coming so I was a bit 😱
Youngest (DS) was offered same freedoms but was much more anxious about it all so it was later for him. You def need to go by them.
Neither had phones until towards end of year 6.

Ps: ds walked back from school in year 6 (we’d moved by then) and there were no roads to cross so that was good for me - gave me a bit more time in the day!

I have a very responsible 9 year old in yr 4. I don't let them do any of those things yet. Am not hugely over protective and have older dc. I'd say its about a year to 18 months earlier then people let them do it round here. People generally seem to encourage that sort of stuff back end of yr 5 ready for getting to school independently in yr 6 in prep for high school.
No phones from most families till yr 6 in preparation for high school.

It doesn't sound wild or dangerous though. So if it works for your family then great.

I think it’s important to go with what you’re comfortable with and what you believe your dd can cope with. If she’s sensible and understands that she stays away from strangers and can go to a familiar house/ shop if she needs help and is away from hone then that’s great.
She has a phone and as you say, you can hear the children playing outside. If you’re starting to doubt yourself then you could always ask her to check in more regularly via text or if she’s popped to the shops then she should pop by the house to say hello before she goes to play.

My 9 year old is in year 4 and I leave her on her own for an hour and she walks to the park which is very close. We live in London which might be better in the sense that there are pavements and heavily enforced speed limits. She doesn’t walk to school on her own as I have other children.

DS had a dumb phone from 8 as we had no home phone for when I went to the supermarket or similar. So for communication purposes only. I don't think he even had a friend's number until 10. He was talking to them online on the PC from 9 and a half, but the next youngest was 10 and the oldest had turned 11. I think peer group can change things.

My DC is y4 and aged 8, turning 9. We live on a cup de sac, where he's allowed to play out with friends from the close. It's a very low traffic area. He's allowed to walk 5 mins to the local shop which doesn't involve crossing any roads. We have a great local park but his friends don't go out yet and I'd prefer it to be a group thing.

About the same as you OP. DD9, almost ten. Walks 1.5 km to and from school by herself or with friends. She is a social creature so doesn’t go too many places alone but with her friends who live on the street they go for hours to parks or play in backyards or bike on our quiet street etc . We do have boundaries as to how far she can go (how many streets away) mostly so I can find her if I need to! She doesn’t have a phone but I know she isn’t alone and she has to come home at meal times or other specific times depending on what is happening that day. She will stay home alone for an hour or two. We also have neighbours that are like family so she knows she can go next door if there is any issue when home alone.

I don't think children in Yr 4 are olds enough for that level of freedom. As a guide, our school wouldn't allow a Yr 4 child to walk home alone - they had to be collected by an adult.

To get to the playing field he has to cross a busy road. I’m just not happy with that yet. If we were the same side as the field I wouldn’t mind. He is always busy though a he’s happy. The weekend is full of football and parties and after school is swimming and cubs and more football.

Wow, there were children walking from age 6 at DS's school. It wasn't the UK, but are children really all that different?

It depends on the area and the child surely? Dts walked to school from the beginning of y6, they were just turned ten.

Shop / park was a no until recently, they're in y7 but there are two horrible roads to cross.

I leave them at home while I walk the dog / go to the shops but haven't left them longer than about half an hour. If there was one of them I probably would but I don't trust them together not to do something dickish.

They take the bus into town and go shopping / get lunch with their mates now but I'm still not overly comfortable with it.

Year 5 age 10
Stay at home alone all day if needed- with instructions to only have cold food
Makes full meals including roast potatoes in the oven and other ‘risky’ things.
Walks or bikes a mile to school alone.

He’s going home with a friend and they’ll probably roam to the park, so I am getting him a phone this week. I’ve decided I want to be able to contact him. I’m trying to allow him as much of the freedom as I had though. His brother and he still think I’m ‘smothering’ 😂

When DD was 9 she could stay home alone for a few hours and could go to town with friends or walk/bike to a friend's house or play in the forest with a friend. Built up to it first of course, like you are doing now - that's the way to do it, build up gently rather than suddenly giving them freedom at a specific age.

She's had a phone since she was 7 but strictly controlled, she's 12 now and still the only vaguely social media like app she is allowed is whatsapp so she can message her friends and me for free, and short time limits. Its mostly just for keeping in contact when out and about and for listening to music.

Agree that building up slowly is key. I took the motto "you don't teach responsibility by taking it away" as my guide (cheesy huh).

I think it really depends on the child and where you live. We live quite rurally but 10 year old goes out to play in our street. Also walks to meet me from school 5 minute walk. I leave him home for up to an hour alone. Older sibling I did all this with later but different child. I haven’t let either out in town yet. Older sibling quite anxious.

With the exception of the phone, I am comfortable with all these things. We live rurally, but dd (10, Y5) has friends who live on neighbouring farms, so they all regularly wander across fields to find each other and play. We have a WhatsApp group amongst us parents to help find what field/part of the wood they are in when we need to get them home.

If we lived in the village, I'd be okay with her going to the playground and the shop, though at the playground, I would check in with her every so often. I know when she visits friends in the village, they do walk to the shop.

I have left her home while going to collect ds from somewhere and I left her here a few weeks ago so I could run to a shop about 15 minutes away and back.

She doesn't have a phone and I wouldn't be comfortable with her having one as I think there's more risk there than in the playground, unless it was a cheap (non-smart) nokia one, etc. But otherwise, I think all sounds find.

My 10 year old (eldest of 4) doesn't go anywhere on his own. Nor has he asked. If he goes to his friend's house I walk him to the bottom of his friend's street and watch as he continues up to his friend's house. It is not a nice area to live, drug dealers on every corner, scum on motor bikes speeding past at 60+ mph - on a 20mph road, might I add, as we live opposite a school (not the school my kids go to). I have signed the permission slip for him to walk to and from school alone now he's year 5, but as I'm there anyway with my younger 3 he just walks with us. Sometimes he sets off a bit earlier than us in a morning if we are running late - but he always waits for us before he has to cross a big busy crossroads junction. I've never told him to do that, he just does.
On the other hand, if he's ill and can't go to school, I leave him at home while I take the younger 3 to school (30 minute round trip on foot) and I trust him implicitly in the house. I call him when I'm heading back home and he knows to call me if he needs to.
I was more of a home bird too, like my son, I never really 'played out' back in the 90s, I preferred to be at my grandparents house up until being about 14 - but I suspect that would be classed as unusual for teenagers today.