Night weaning: all for nothing

[Softsoftsleep]

Ive previously written about my utter exhaustion breastfeeding my 14 months old during the night. She ou knew how to fall asleep on the breast. I would co sleep to get some kind of semblance of sleep, but it was terrible; poor quality and claustrophobic. I do not want to co sleep anymore. Mumsnet and I agreed it was time to sleep train, especially as I was starting work soon.

3 weeks ago, I commenced the process, whereby instead of breastfeeding baby to sleep, I lay her down in her cot awake, over and over again, until she fell asleep. I shushed and patted her and never left her side. The first night it took her 2 hours to go to sleep and another 2 hours during the night, but it seemed to get shorter each night.

There were some dark moments where she fought it, and by stopping breastfeeding suddenly, I ended up with mastitis. However, my mind frame was that it would all be worth it in the end. There have definitely been some stretches in how long I sleep, but she is still fighting the initial put-down and is waking up. Offering water doesnt work, and baby was so distraught and for so long that we worried the neighbours would complain and that she was actually hungry. So I fed her. The same of deflation I felt when I finally gave in was just so...meh.

Same tonight. Took ages for her to go over, woke 30 minutes later, shushed her to sleep again, then 3 hours later, here I am breastfeeding her ad she was so hesitant to to even lying down when I went into her to settle her.

So now I feel like I've lost motivation for sticking with weaning as the baby has been so resistant to it and I have given confusing messages by giving in. It's hard to hold resolve when she has been crying for an hour and you've to get up for work in 2 hours, as us what has happened this week.

I thought 'no pain, no gain' but feel like I've gone back to square 1.

@Softsoftsleep Hi OP, curious how this ended? Currently going through the exact same with 14mo DD.

@PinkFizz1 gosh, I read through this and I don't recognise myself! A lot has changed since then.

I forgot just how much I was struggling and how low I was. There was a comment towards the beginning of the thread which really set me back and I couldn't get out of my head. I was very vulnerable at the time and couldn't bear the thought of my baby being confused and continued to endure the awful situation.

I continued on as things were for another few months until June 2023, at which point my husband told me he would be sleep training her and that was that. The first night I had to go into the garden because the sound the baby crying was going through my head like a chainsaw. It lasted 1 hour 45 minutes and she feel asleep. My husband said to me, "Softsoftsleep, she was angry, that's all'. I kept that in my mind. She only woke up a few times and DH patted her back over to sleep that night.

Next night, DH took her again and it took one hour. Night after that half an hour, and on it went until it only took a few minutes. Eventually I was able to pat her back over if she woke up. My life suddenly was changed for the better. I continued to breastfeed during the day for another 3 months and quit totally when she was 19 months old.

The difference now is night and day! She still wakes up during the night a few times, but is back over in 5 minutes with a pat of the bum. She needs someone to hold her hand and pat her bum for about an hour to go to sleep initially, which DH refuses to do so I need to wind that down somehow!

But there is light at the end of the tunnel! How are things with you?